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I get up every morning to study before work. I do my week's work in a day and then spend the rest of the time studying. On saturdays and sundays I get up at 6am and spend 18 hours in a row studying. I have spent over $2000 on courses over the past 2 months. I feel compelled to study 24/7. My mum has to knock me out with benzos to get me to sleep and even as I go to sleep I hallucinate computerscreens with writing going across them. I asked my dead father in a letter that I put in his coffin to watch over me while I studied and wrote and since then I haven't stopped. I feel possessed by my father. I hear his voice urging me on. I was supposed to do a 3000 word essay on psychiatric drugs and I wrote 92 pages. Does this sound manic? I am diagnosed schizoaffective. Constantly my mind is racing. Ive lost my appetite and I can't relax. Im even planning to get a new credit card so I can get more courses.

blackbird x

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It is a little concerning...but I used to do that too. When I was pregnant with my daughterI was going to school tobecome a microsoft specialist...I constantly studied, I was so far ahead of my class mates it was ridiculous. I am not sure why we do these things ( I wasnt diagnosed schizo affective) maybe it was my nesting stage...lol I also had one spottless house. Here is a thought maybe it is a bipolar episode? Manic or hyper mania. I would calm down though if yu are hallucinating abut comp screens, I did that when I worked for a restaurant, I would here people saying that they needed a milk shake and I was seeing silverware in my bed, I ended up snapping and throwing a milk shake at a persons head and a handful of silverware...not good at the time, hilarious now. (the women deserved it, trust me!)

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Hi.

I was going to say that it might be intense hyper-focus to fill your time and avoid other things until I got to the 92 pages for a 3000 word essay, racing thoughts, etc. That sounds manic to me. Don't get a new credit card!!! Give your pdoc a call instead.

Btw, when I used to spend 10+ hours a day doing spreadsheet work, when I closed my eyes to try to sleep, the friggin' spreadsheets were burned into the back of my eyelids and that was all I could see. ;) They were my dreams, too. Heh, so much for a break! Maybe that's all that part is for you. ?? I wasn't manic then, so maybe it's different for you. Mention it to your pdoc, too.

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Blackbird, when I was a grad student I had a manic episode (although I didn't recognize it at the time) and one of the things I did was to repeat an unsuccessful lab experiment over a thousand times. Like you describe, I barely slept and was working at this at all hours. It was very much an obsessive thing combined with manic drive. I see similarities in what you describe. Like the 92 page paper. Especially since you are hearing voices in addition, and feeling possessed by your father's spirit, this is a big deal and needs to be treated. I'll echo the others in saying to call your doc. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I know it must be terrible.

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Thanks for all your replies. I am seeing the p-doc on Friday so I will tell him about the maniacal studying. I am studying now and I just applied for an American Express credit card to buy more fucking courses. A degree in Law! I don't even want to be a fucking lawyer and GCSE Italian! The mind boggles. I have been feeling especially buoyant and grandiose as well. I quite enjoy this state, I'm so productive but I know it will end in tears if I get another credit card. I used to be an alcoholic and I filled the void with studying. It's an obsession and I keep hearing my father urging me on. I feel like I'm possessed and the nurses are still reading my mind and putting thoughts in my head and have control over my bodily functions, are doing black magic on me and want to kill me. I had to phone the psych ward in work today and I could hear them all laughing at me and saying "Guess who's on the phone?"

blackbird

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I would say it's time to talk to a pdoc. Studying is one thing, but studying like that is quite another. I know how it feels to ride the mania wave, but trust me, these waves don't roll on forever, they come crashing down. And you've come so far to crash now. Can you see your pdoc before Friday?

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  • 4 weeks later...

I have been diagnoed with bipolar and I guess I am pretty high at the moment (not sleeping til 4am , getting up at 7am to study) I just don't know where this diagnosis came from. I never ever had a manic episode til i switched from Zyprexa to abilify in 2007 and then I went crazy manic. Having sex with video repair man randomly. Now I can't switch off unless I drug myself with palm fulls of benzos and i know that is not good. I never ever thought I had BP, I never exhibited any forms until I had the abilify switchover. And now I have spent a month's pay on books about anorexia and clothes in 2 days. They want to cut my prozac but I need it for my obsessions and bulimia. They think prozac-too-highness is causing my symptoms but how will I cope with the obsessive thoughts about the nurses and thought broadcasting if they cut my prozac? Is it possible to be biploar solely drug induced?

blackbird x

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