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Help. I think i'm better?


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I don't think you're being insensitive. You sound a lot like I feel, in some ways. Don't know if that helps, but you're not alone. I think it's weird to feel different all of a sudden, even if it's *good* different.

Pdoc says (-sigh- those words are becoming way too prominent in my vocabulary ;) ) that she sees meds as a way of sort of sweeping everything underneath so that you can deal with it more slowly and without being in excruciating pain all the time. I think in some ways it IS a bandaid, but not necessarily one you have to worry about falling off. Maybe it's more like a cast on a broken limb? It keeps everything in place while you do your healing, and then you take it off when you're ready? Maybe the point of therapy is to give you a more lasting resolution, or a more intellectual one or something. You sweep everything underneath, and then you can take things outone at a time and work on resolving them?

I think, also, that you're probably still very fragile. You feel better in a lot of ways, but it sounds like there are still some important ways in which you don't. Maybe you could just not push yourself too hard for a little while and see what happens? Maybe once your new feelings have "settled in" a little, you'll have more idea of what you would like to do about them.

I think it's hard not to worry about what's going to happen if you start to feel bad again. But you survived it last time (no matter how close of a call you feel like it was) and I know you're strong enough to survive it again, if you have to. I'm really trying not to borrow trouble, myself, but it's pretty difficult, I know.

I'm just rambling now. Just wanted to letcha know that I'm listening and that you're not alone in this.

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I feel confused. Are the meds working? Will I stay ok, or are they just covering up the pain like a bandaid? Are my feelings about what happening to me just chemicals caused by neurotransmitters in my brain? If so, why couldn't I just snap out of it earlier? Why bother with therapy?
The way I've been taught, and still understand the med/therapy connection is this. Meds correct my brain chemistry to a more *proper* degree which allows me to a) deal with life and all that it throws at me, and b) rise to a level of stability where I can process, manage, change, overcome, what have you, item a.

KWIM? That's the short answer. I don't believe meds are a bandaid. No more so than, even though it's a worn out example, insulin is a bandaid for my diabetic mom. She takes insulin every day, I take ADs and whatever else my brain needs every day.

Other,*normal*, people have different brain chemistry from me and don't need medicine to correct theirs. They too can benefit from therapy to deal better with what life throws at them. Sadly, a lot of them chose not to, thinking that therapy is only for those of us who are somehow mentally *weak/broken/defective*. IMO, it's that kind of thinking that is screwed up, way more than anything any of us come up with in our worst moments.

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I don't know if this will help, but here goes.

When I began recovering from my huge brain fart, I was too nervous worrying that I would slide BACK into my former state to be able to enjoy feeling better. I would sob to my tdoc about my fears of going back to that place.

She and I worked out a plan of action if I did get depressed again. We spent a lot of time talking about steps I could take at various "stages" if my brain went south on me.

I think its takes a while to fully recover from an episode.

Plus like s9 said:

The way I've been taught, and still understand the med/therapy connection is this. Meds correct my brain chemistry to a more *proper* degree which allows me to a) deal with life and all that it throws at me, and b) rise to a level of stability where I can process, manage, change, overcome, what have you, item a.
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on my good days, i often get scared of feeling 'too good' because the fear of everything going downhill is there. i also feel a little guilty for feeling better, which is weird. maybe ive gotten used to being depressed that feeling anything opposite to that has become alien territory.

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