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Why was my thread closed?


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I was just going to say, that after spending a couple of days away, that I have come to the decision that I am a very, very sick person. To those of you that may not understand borderline personalities...I am quoting the Mayo Clinic's site on this and another one I think fits me.

Borderline personality disorder

  • Impulsive and risky behavior
  • Volatile relationships
  • Unstable mood
  • Suicidal behavior
  • Fear of being alone

Histrionic personality disorder

  • Constantly seeking attention
  • Excessively emotional
  • Extreme sensitivity to others' approval
  • Unstable mood
  • Excessive concern with physical appearance

I think that pretty much sums me up. Except now I am on the severe end of this symptoms, not mild as I have been previously.

I took it badly when my post was closed, it said to me, we are tired of trying to help you. Or it could have been for other reasons. I am sure you are tired of me.

I am home now after spending a couple of nights away. When my parents get home, I plan to tell them they have a very sick daughter. What they might do, I don't know and I don't really have any expectations except maybe for some understanding on their part. I am not going out drinking and taking OD's for fun.

I did try to take an overdose, so I slept 2 days. Failed again. I cannot understand why God would want me to live in constant misery. Yes, I have tried for 3 years to do everything possible to get better. I feel like the BPD has a strong hold on me and I am too weak to fight it and believe it or not I have tried very hard.

So, that is where I am, Resond if you like, or not.

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Hey RN,

I doubt it is that people are tired of you. I too feel as though people are fed up with me or can't be bothered, but usually this is just because I have so little love or belief in or for myself.

Talk to your parents. Try and get them to work with you to try and find you some proper help. Keep posting.

I don't have anything else to say except that I'm thinking of you.

Littlewing

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The thing is, help and suggestions were being offered to you left, right and centre, but you chose not to accept them. You seem to be stuck in a spiral of negative thinking and self-destructive behaviour. Nobody here wants to see you implode - we want to see you get well. But I can understand the frustration of posters on your other thread because you say the same things again and again, which means the responses are eventually the same again and again, and really... do you honestly benefit from that kind of setup? From what I've read in your posts over the past while, it really seems to me that you're decompensating badly and fast, and you need serious professional help. The peer-to-peer support system on CB is great, but it can only go so far.. you need to remember that we are not psychiatrists, we are just fellow MI people dealing with a bunch of issues of our own.

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The thing is, help and suggestions were being offered to you left, right and centre, but you chose not to accept them. You seem to be stuck in a spiral of negative thinking and self-destructive behaviour. Nobody here wants to see you implode - we want to see you get well. But I can understand the frustration of posters on your other thread because you say the same things again and again, which means the responses are eventually the same again and again, and really... do you honestly benefit from that kind of setup? From what I've read in your posts over the past while, it really seems to me that you're decompensating badly and fast, and you need serious professional help. The peer-to-peer support system on CB is great, but it can only go so far.. you need to remember that we are not psychiatrists, we are just fellow MI people dealing with a bunch of issues of our own.

miab wrote exactly what I was thinking but never could've written. I lack the words.

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Hey RN,

I doubt it is that people are tired of you. I too feel as though people are fed up with me or can't be bothered, but usually this is just because I have so little love or belief in or for myself.

Talk to your parents. Try and get them to work with you to try and find you some proper help. Keep posting.

I don't have anything else to say except that I'm thinking of you.

Littlewing

Thanks Littlewing,

For the honest and non-condeming post. I too feel your pain. I also have no love for myself and belief in my ability to climb out of this hole. I have not had a chance to speak to my parents because my dad is not speaking to me. Which he does when I leave for a while to get away. It is like pouting really. Real mature.

When I was gone, I threw up brown stuff. That to me raises a red flag.

I hate to say it, but the truth hurts, I do want to die.

Someone wrote on my other thread, asking how could the nurses be mean at the hospital? Believe me, I know when people are being mean. You get yelled at from morning to night due to the 2 page list of rules mostly. I went to the canteen-woo hoo, because it was a privilege and my doctor that day had said he was raising my level, or privileges that day. Evidently he did not write that, and the nurse could not wait until I got back to chastise me and tell me that all my privileges would be taken away. The doc wrote it the next day. It is all to keep the psychotic and non-functionals in line but believe me they do it in a mean way.

Any chance they get they threaten you with "lowering your level" of privileges. Screaming happens during ever meal by certain loud mouth nurses, this just ruins my appetite for the nasty food. You are not allowed to have extra drinks or snacks. It is like jail. If nobody believes me, I really don't care, but just had to assure all that it is TRUE. Only a few nurses are approachable. For a very few minutes.

I KNOW I am a mess, and say the same things over and over, but it is only out of frustation with my life. Other than go to that "jail" like hospital, I don't know what to do. I really don't

I DO appreciate all the thoughts and ideas guys here have given me. I am just not confident in my ability to do anything. So sorry for being boring and not following your suggestions. I can only do what my warped mind tells me. I think I need a hero. Also, the thought of being there during the holidays really sucks. (the hospital)

Thanks Littlewing again for your compassion, ;)

Karen

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i really, REALLY REALLY think you should start a blog. it will be your space to say whatever you want.

i'm hearing your frustration very clearly, but i think you are venting in a 'suggestions only' type of forum, and you really may get much better results on a blog, because it's your territory so you can say what you want.

um, i may not be too clear here, (i'm trying!), i'm trying to say a blog really would be more appropriate for what you seem to want. honest, i'd give it a try.

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Hey Karen, I believe you about the nurses. I have seen people with borderline personality disorder get treated extremely harshly in hospital by the nurses. They don't seem to have a lot of patience for it. Perhaps because they can't medicate it away & they're not experts at therapies like DBT. I have seen nurses talk sweetly to people with schizophrenia, major depression, bipolar, then turn around and scream at a borderline person.

I hope you can find some way past the place that you're in right now. I do agree with the idea of having a blog. then no-one can close it. It is therapeutic to write too.

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The thing is, help and suggestions were being offered to you left, right and centre, but you chose not to accept them. You seem to be stuck in a spiral of negative thinking and self-destructive behaviour. Nobody here wants to see you implode - we want to see you get well. But I can understand the frustration of posters on your other thread because you say the same things again and again, which means the responses are eventually the same again and again, and really... do you honestly benefit from that kind of setup? From what I've read in your posts over the past while, it really seems to me that you're decompensating badly and fast, and you need serious professional help. The peer-to-peer support system on CB is great, but it can only go so far.. you need to remember that we are not psychiatrists, we are just fellow MI people dealing with a bunch of issues of our own.

This is what miab said. We mods have not commented because mia wrote a very concise summary and we felt that she said what needed to be said. If you want to vent and express your thoughts freely without getting any criticism (constructive or otherwise), the place to do that is in a blog. Make it private and choose the people who will view it.

olga

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INSTANT GRATIFICATION FOR EVERYONE!

Dude. Sometimes I get no comments on my blog.

I suck it up. It makes me feel unloved sometimes too. But I'm a GROWN UP and I deal and realize people have lives and commitments and their own shit to deal with. They'll come when they can.

Your demand demand demand may eventually wear people out.

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INSTANT GRATIFICATION FOR EVERYONE!

Nice mature comment there Luna!

Your demand demand demand may eventually wear people out.

I just started my blog today so how could I expect to be getting instant responses? I was not.

Some of you, Luna, need to get off the "let's give her hell and maybe she will go away" bandwagon. I came here for help and only recently have I been catching hell for everything I say. If you want me off here, tell me, otherwise please stop. I am severely hurting and if that is what I am going to get here is more hurt, there are plenty of sites to blog on. I am going to continue my blog for whatever it is worth.

By the way, those of you that have enjoyed giving me grief, what I would like to say you is childish and immature and I am not going there.

I am going to try to stay put on my blog, maybe it is safer there.

No responses to my blog are expected or required. Thank you.

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RN,

Everyone is trying to be kind and understanding with you about this. We all understand that right now is a tough time for you but this whole thing about trying to get attention positive or negative is not helping. We understand that you want advice and support but this isnt the way to get it...

We know this is a painful thing you are going throgh right now we all have a MI and we all have been down shit creek. We arent trying to hurt your feelings or make you upset...everyone has given you advice, and every advice given you have made an excuse for or shot down. If you dont want to get help, then fine, suffer, but dont give us grief by complaining constantly about the same thing and then when we give you advice shoot it down.

Do you want help or not? If so then go to a hopital, therapist, a professional and get help. You need medication and therapy and that is the only way to get better. There is more than one option for you there is in patient and there is out patient and then there is suffering...its your choice and no one can make it for you.

I am glad you started a blog, just because no one responded on day one doesnt mean they dont care, people have busy lives and things to do. Keep blogging, just venting should make you feel better, you can write what ever on it and if people want to respond they will.

I hope things get better for you...Good luck

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No responses to my blog are expected or required. Thank you.

Thank you for making that clear.

Because this:

Fine, I am writing a blog.

So now I get no feedback. It may seem to you guys I don't benefit from it, but I do want to hear what others think. Whether I make great strides in my recovery or not.

Wasn't very clear.

I'm not on any bandwagon, though.

I have my own little course I drive thanks.

I am however the MOST MATURE INDIVIDUAL YOU WILL EVER COME TO KNOW ON THESE HERE GOSH DURN BOARDS!

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