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Where do I even start?

Been dealing with this crap for 4-5 years. Every time there is some light of hope, it fades away quickly.

I've seen a handful of doctors, had their tests, tried their meds, tried psychotherapy.....nothing works.

I'm always tired, fatigued, and have no motivation. I've been working from home a lot lately because it takes me 2-3 hours to wake up, and then I feel like a zombie all day. I even took a sick day yesterday and slept for 14 hours. When things were getting a bit over a year ago I was able to diet, exercise, and lost 50lbs......now I'm starting to gain it back again and don't really care.

My medication specialist is all right, but it takes about a month to meet with him. Then the meeting is like 5 minutes, hands you a prescription, and that's it. Doesn't really seem worth the drive and time out of a work day. We all know that sometimes a med has adverse side-effects and you need to get on something else right away........what a pain in this situation. The guy doesn't even have a direct phone number or email address.

I've stopped seeing my therapist. She was pretty worthless. She could not explain to me what we should actually do for CBT. It seemed she would give me these tasks to complete and then when I'd come back to talk about it she'd tell me that it can't be tackled with CBT. I wanted direction and I'm not aware on how therapy works. I basically stopped returning her calls.

Don't get me started on Provigil......it's like swallowing a magic 8-Ball. You have no idea how it's going to work after you take it:

1. Sometimes 200mg works

2. Sometimes you need 400+mg

3. Sometimes it never works

4. Sometimes it works great for 3-4 hours

5. When it stops working I get angry and emotional

I hate my life, I hate my appearance, I hate my job, I hate my prospects. What a waste.

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Well, it sounds like things are pretty sucky, all right. But I think most of us here would tell you to keep trying. Your pdoc sounds like he doesn't give a crap about you and is just throwing the occasional med your way. My first step would be to find one who is interested in helping you to turn your life around.

And I'm sorry your therapist was a loser, but there again---there are very competent tdocs around who could really help you.

When depression has you in its nasty grip, it seems like nothing is ever going to be better. Depression is the Rat Bastard, the Kosmic Creep, the demon who almost ruined my life. But you can beat him back. There is someone out there who can help you. Stick around this place and you will find people who have been battling depression for years.

It's worth it. Please give it another try and get yourself some competent doctors. I'm sure there is a therapist out there with an approach that will work with your particular problems.


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