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Bipolar and nightmares DO NOT READ IF U HAVE A WEAK STOMACH!


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;) Before I start this I am going to ask that you guys not label me as completely insane...it is as scary to me as it is going to sound to you.

Recently I started having some very bazaar and disgusting nightmares I am talking morbid nightmares, it started a week ago, they are very intense it is like I can feel and smell and everything in these dreams. I will start with dream #1

Dream #1: This dream was the other night and I have posted it on the board about ghosts from the other day. I was dreaming that there was a ghost or what ever in my house, but it was and wasnt my house, I have a ranch style house with a basement and this house was a mirror to my house except it had a second floor...well in the dream I was laying down with my daughter in her bed putting her down and she just fell asleep I was laying there watching her and I was ripped out of the bed, I turned my head to see if it wa my fiance attacking me (he was the only one in the house) but there was no one there, I was elevated in the air at least 3 feet and it was flailing me around the rrom in my house it then drug me by my feet to the basement (that is where my computer is) and threw me face down C was on the computer and turned around and looked at me, I am panicking laying belly down I cant scream it took my voice away it then spins me 360 degrees by my feet in a circle. C runs to me and looks at me like I am doing this and then goes up stairs I follow him in panick, he proceeds to the magical 2nd floor and I am tellig him that a ghost is attacking me but he wont believe me so I go to check my daughter and as I am walking past the living room one of her dolls that waslaying on the couch jumps up and turn in to this oriental demon monster with fangs and everything and goes at me and then all of a sudden C comes back down and it jumps on th couch and turns in to a doll again...this dream cycles over and over again.

I woke up in a cold sweat that night freaking out at 2 am

Dream #2 WARNING THIS IS DISGUSTING!!!!!!DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH!!!!!

I dreamed the night after the ghost dream that my cat Shadow had extra feet and a flap where her stomach should be and I was puzzled and doped out or something (zombified) so I proceed to take a knofe and cut off (filet off) the extra four legs and flap. My cat doesnt bleed in this dream the sking magically and instantly grows back and she runs off but running wierd so then I think that she needs the legs so I get a needle and thread and run aroung the house with a cat leg in my hand trying to catch her to sew it back on...this is when I woke up.

I am very very disturbed by these dreams...I think I am insane, I am afraid to sleep and I am afraid t tell anyone about the dreams. I think I am absolutely positively nuts. How could a normal human being dream this stuff. I dont know if it is the bipolar or something else. I have never really ad dreams before let alone dreams like this. I feel like throwing up just thinking about it

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lotta, I don't think these dreams label you as nuts, I mean if you're bipolar I guess you are ;) but as disturbing as the dreams are, they're not indicative of a warped personality or something disgusting about yourself....IMO

I don't know if it's any comfort, but I have had horrendously bizarre and morbid nightmares since childhood. Never had em interpreted- maybe not a bad idea. but lots of gory, disturbing stuff that I would never be able to watch in a movie.

sometimes meds cause weird dreaming. have you changed anything there? I hope it settles down.

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I am on Paxil 20mg and I started penacillin 500 mg every 4 hrs on friday 12/5 as well as vicodin 75-50 PRN. I am freaking out about the dreams, I never have even hought of crap like this, I am the person who laughs at scary movies not sits there in awe.

I am afraid of myself because of the dreams...I am genuinly frightened and I was actually a little afraid of even saying it out loud or posting it. I have alot of f-ed up crap going on in my life and to top things off I am disturbed ( Im judging my self not others)

The weird thing is I never dream and if I do it is about me going to hawaii or something not this. I dont know...I just dont know I am speechless believe it or not (for all of you who know me from CB)

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Nope, no connection between Bipolar Disorder and dreaming.

Many of our meds can cause more intense or vivid dreaming, though not necessarily bad or upsetting. For me Seroquel and Cymbalta do so.

You should tell your pdoc and therapist about the dreaming, particularly since it is so upsetting to you. You don't have to launch into the detail at first, just give them a general sense.

You might do a little research into how to handle upsetting dreams. It is possible to wake up yourself or change the dream. One key phrase is "directed dreaming". I learned to do this when I was a teenager and had frightening dreams.

Better sleep, a.m.

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I wasnt aware that you could actually control your dreaming or redirect your dreaming.

I didnt plan on telling my therapist due to the fact that she is all ready very weird with me, she would lock me up I think...I mind my p's and q's with her, i am looking for a new one at the moment, I will look in to self help at the moment for this until I find a good therapist.

I always thought that BP and other thing like emotions and dreaming where all connected so if you are confused then you will havie a confusing dream and so on...my hypothesis was obviously wrong.

Another reason not to sleep ;) <<<thats me yawning

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Those nightmares sure must suck! And the one about your cat must have been particularly unsettling. But... I don't think they make you 'more' crazy or are as a result of bipolar. I don't think any therapist worth their salt would read anything additional into them, but they might be able to help you debrief from them. Maybe not this current therapist by the sounds of it but hopefully your next one will be better.

I get horrible dreams all the time too. ;) Last night I dreamt that I was walking through the city, and a guy took objection to my shoes (?!) and followed me to my car, and although I raced to get in and close the door, he got in before I could close the door on him. Before he could harm me I poked out his eyes with a screwdriver! Then I wondered what the hell to do with him, I was debating calling the police or not. I don't think this means that anyone needs to keep the toolbox out of my reach but it sure was weird & it unsettled me when I woke up.

It's still not as weird or disturbing as some dreams that some non-MI friends have related to me. I don't think it's a mental illness thing, it's just a human thing.

Wishing you much sweeter dreams tonight :), Generica

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Maybe that is my problem, I have no room to shed these emotions and relax...my daughter takes up all my time (she is my world she really is) but between Sydney and the two older kids I get no me time, I shave my legs in the sink while my daughter takes her bath, she is in the bathroom when I shower, I cant even go to the bathroom alone. I am more stressed than I thought now that I think about it, I never really thought about it, to me its like thinking about brushing your teeth, its automatic and every day. My alone time is at 3am when Ihave insomnia and I am scrubbing the kitchen floor because one of the kids spilled chocolate milk on the floor and left it.

Maybe I need to get away for just a day not 24 hrs maybe like 8 hours to go out and be alone no C or Sydney or other kids or adults for that matter, Just go to the park or a cofee shop and be alone and clear my head. I dont like these dreams and it scares me...I know the dream doesnt mean to lock up all the knives and hide the cat but it is still diturbing since I am not a violent person.

I try so hard to look normal and act normal that my dreams are maybe expelling the emotions or something that I have buried inside of me, I have mood swings but I cant lash out on a 2 year ol or a 10 yr old for that matter, everything has to be sugar coated and calm, even when I am angry and yelling at one of them to stop hitting the other it is sugar coated...I have a lot of rage built up inside of me, this really sounds bad (please dont judge me) but I really want to take the 10 year old and the 9 year old and smack their heads together or do exactly what the one is doing to the other to him/her, like when I am walking home and he throws her on the ground for no reason at all, I really want to knock him on the ground and then ask him how it feels. Instead I grab him by the hand and state loudly "OH Ant that is so sweet you want to hold mommies hand"

I am a twisted jerk and I know I am, luckily it only comes out in dreams, I do alot of journaling....during nap time in short hand lol which i theraputic. I wont let anyone read it, my therapist asked to read it last week and I told her flat out NO...I dont care for her much; I told her my goal is to manage these mood swings and the emotional outbursts (crying) but she wants to instead test my patients every week by saying "lets talk about your dad" or some crap like that...I want to take the journal and bonk her on the head with it or just start screaming you stupid idiot brining back past issues will only bring on my flash backs and in turn cause me to have a full mental break down, you would kno this if you looked at my fucking chart you stupid tacky dress wearing moron! Okay I vented

I am going to stop my rambling now, How much do I owe you guys? My insurance should cover it ;)

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I don't think you sound crazy from your dream. I've had much weirder one's than that, that I wouldn't even post here because they are just too grotesque and odd ball.

But I was thinking... Look at it this way, what about all those authors, movie producers, etc, that come up with all that really sick stuff from their imaginations? And I bet most of them aren't even diagnosed with an MI! So I wouldn't worry about a few zany dreams, even if they are pretty scary for you at the time.

;)

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This is probably a strange post to say this...but I bet the title will draw you all in lol just kidding!

But thanks guys for being so supportive, I am going through a really weird point in my life and it helps to have you all. I have been pretty out there before but this is wild, I am not 302 material but I am a ticking time bomb, and CB really helps me talk about the issues and give me the support and advice that is defenitely needed, helll I even discussed potty training on hear (not expected) any who, I know Im not nuts from one dream or two I should say but it is just weird all of this, I am the flash backs panic attack type not the homicidal dreams of cutting off my cats legs type. BTW I told C and he thinks I am in his words "Nucking Futs, and really weird" and yes he did say Nucking Futs that isnt a typo. Well anyways I now owe yall for two sessions and the insurance will start questioning me so I am gonna go ;)

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Hey Lottacrazy!

They say dreams and everything in them relate to you. So your cat wasn't really your cat...maybe there's some part of you and your life that's changed, maybe for the better, hence the extra legs. You cut them off because change is hard. Then you really want it the way it was and attempt to sew the legs back on. The stomach thing could be the new meds (penicillin,vicodin) maybe bothering your stomach some? Vicodin makes me severely nauseous.

Just some thoughts. I don't think your dreams are scary and I definitely don't think you're nuts because you had this one. I like to have fun with my sicko dreams and figure out what they could mean.

Gracie

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i would like to see that list...it would be great.

Gracie...good point you make, the extra legs is the stress brought on by C in the recent 2 years and the vicodin ad penicillin are hurting my stomach, which was strange when you said that. It makes sense...but Who knows, I just gotta deal with it

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I have no room to shed these emotions and relax...my daughter takes up all my time (she is my world she really is) but between Sydney and the two older kids I get no me time, I shave my legs in the sink while my daughter takes her bath

Ah...the good ole days ;) I definitely think some "Lottacrazy" time is in order. We all need down time.

FWIW, I have really bizarre, scary dreams at times too. I wake up hella-freaked out, convinced that it was real.

Peaceful sleep,

Phoenix

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On the directed dreaming note - I learned to do something like this when I was a teenager, because I did (and do) have awful nightmares fairly frequently. Google "lucid dreaming". It took me a while to teach myself to do it, but it's really paid off. Mostly, right before I went to sleep, I'd say to myself "If I have a dream, I'll be able to tell it's not real". There are also certain cues you can use to clue yourself in - you can teach yourself to try to read some printed text in your dream, and if it changes or the letters blur when you try to read it, you're probably dreaming. Same thing with reading the time from clocks. I can't lucid dream fully, but I can change my dreams just enough. For instance, if I dream someone's coming to kill me, I can often turn myself invisible so they can't find me. I don't know exactly how I learned to do it - I just thought about it a lot. I'm not always fully aware that I'm dreaming, but I can sort of give the dream a little nudge even as I'm having it so that the laws of physics change and I don't fall off the cliff, for example. Don't know if I'm explaining this right, but it's a great tool.

I also like to tell tdoc about my nightmares (the poor soul ;)), so I write them down when I have a horrible one. I always feel better when I share them.

People dream some weird shit - it doesn't mean you're crazy or anything. There's a theory of dreaming where your brain basically throws up random images and things. There's not much rhyme or reason to it, in some ways, even though I believe dreams can have meaning. I tell people about my dreams and they tell me I'm nuts (I have a recurring nightmare about being pregnant that scares the SHIT out of me, and nobody I tell ever believes me when I tell them how frightening it is) but mostly when they say that, it's just an offhand remark and not what they really think. If they knew how serious it was to me, they'd probably be a lot more sensitive. Maybe the same is true for your partner.

ETA: This one time, I was telling tdoc about something that I'd been doing or thinking or something, and I was so ashamed I hid my face in my hands and I couldn't look at her for about fifteen minutes. This thought was just so shameful to me - I couldn't believe I'd had it, didn't want to have had it, thought tdoc was going to think I was BEYOND crazy and stop trying to help me if I told her (I told her I felt like I deserved to be taken outside and shot right there). And after I finally managed to get it out, she just said "You know, that doesn't seem all that bad to me." I'd like to say something of the sort to you, but not in an invalidating, belittling way - I can understand why those dreams would feel horrific and make you feel terrified and awful and never want to go to sleep again, but I have to say that when I look at them, I just see dreams. In fact, they look a lot like some dreams I've had recently. Reading about them doesn't make me feel disgusted with you, or think you're crazy. I just see some upsetting dreams coming out of the mind of a person who's coping with a lot of stuff right now. Totally understandable and normal, and not crazy at all. FWIW.

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