Newly Diagnosed BP 2

[jeepdiva81]

I started experiencing what I now recognize to be a manic/hypomanic episode this week.  Ive done this many times before, but until I started researching mental illness online, it never occured to me that I might me manic.  See what you think:

Starting on Sunday, I was insanely sarcastic and mean to people.  I am usually pretty shy and people-pleasing.  I went out drinking on monday night at a bar (I don't drink & I have NEVER been to a bar!)  After drinking, my friend and I went to Walmart and tried on shoes for an hour.  Then we took pictures in the restroom of our tits w/ her phone and sent them out to all her boys.  We ended up walking the store until 3 am!  My husband is/was so PISSED OFF at me!  I usually apologize, instead I laughed in his face!

I went shopping crazy this week too.  I spent all the money we had, including the $$ to pay our electric bill.  I rationalized it saying i would get paid again today.  All is good, electric is still on, but I feel guilty for spending so much money.  I took 1/2 the stuff back, the rest of the stuff we can use but we could have lived without, kwIm?

Ive been dressing like a total slut all week too.  Low cut tops, push up bras and slutty make up.  I flirt with anyone who pays attention to me!  This is SO not like me!!!  I usually wear t-shirts and jeans and no make up! 

I called an ex-boyfriend I haven't talked to in 6+ years!  He was my boyfriend when I was in jr high!  He was like "To what do I owe this surprise?"  I wanted to say "Oh you know, I'm just going manic" but I made up some lame excuse.  He invited me to visit him at the club he dj's at.  I NEVER go to clubs!!!  But I actually told him I would go!!! WTF!?  I don't think I will go, but the fact I even thought about going scares me.  What is this going to do to my marriage? 

My husband thinks I've turned into a complete bitch.  He thinks its because I started seeing a psych 1 month ago who put me on zoloft, baclofen, and clonazepam.  He says I was more normal before I saw the psych!  His solution to make me better?:  Get a job.  yeah thats just what I need.  Something else to screw up!

So I relayed all this to the psych today who dx'd me w/ BP II (I'm already dx'd with PTSD, GAD and Panic disorder) and prescribed me Lamictal and Abilify (2.5 mg to start).  If I've lived like this my whole life, are all these meds totally necessary? It just seems like I'm going to be a walking freakin pharmacy!

Can someone who's been there please tell me if this will help me?  The hypomania is not so bad (well except for my husband), but my lows are really low and last a lot longer than the highs.  I'm always scared starting new meds.  I wonder if I really need them or not. 

TIA for any advice, or experiences you could give me

Stephanie

[seven]

Yes, I'd call what you describe as episodes of hypomania. I used to think I was just incredibly stupid. I've always thought I was crazy, as in stupid/neurotic, but now I know I'm crazy in a clinical way--kind of a relief, 'cause normally, people think I'm an even-keeled egghead (little did they know the raging turmoil beneath, i'm a good actress). Don't worry so much about the meds being targeted for your hypomanias which thus far don't seem to have gotten you in really really serious trouble. I think the reason you're being prescribed the lamictal/abilify is mainly to target your depression. But because you're bpII, antidepressants may cause switching to mania and kindling. Thus, the mood stabilizer route: lamictal targets the depression end and abilify is activating--together they should give you a great lift without driving you nuts like the zoloft did (this is probably what happened and why your hubby thinks it's cause you saw a psych). FYI, I love lamictal, there're many lamictal threads here.

7

[jeepdiva81]

My psych didn't tell me to stop the zoloft.  Should he have?  Maybe I should call him on Monday?

[seven]

My psych didn't tell me to stop the zoloft.

[megadith]

I used to think I was just incredibly stupid. I've always thought I was crazy, as in stupid/neurotic, but now I know I'm crazy in a clinical way--kind of a relief, 'cause normally, people think I'm an even-keeled egghead (little did they know the raging turmoil beneath, i'm a good actress).

7

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Wowie, I could have typed that exact same thing.  I have a question for you guys: So.  We know our mania/hypomania makes us do stupid things, make stupid decisions, sleep with stupid people, and spend all our money on stupid things.  I am just beginning to understand that I've probably been BPII for at least 10 years and it explains SO much of my whacked-out behavior that I could never explain. 

What I don't want to do is use it as a cop-out.  I don't want to say "well, it's okay that I slept with that stinky dude with the mohawk and nipple rings because I'm bipolar! Problem solved!" Because it's not okay and I feel like that's a lame excuse.  How does it work? My decision-making skills are crippled by this illness, but I still need to take responsibility for my actions.  How is this possible when I have no idea (other than saying 'my brain is fucked!') why I did the things I did?  Or is this confusion/guilt something I'm just going to have to live with, feeling unresolved and incomplete?

[jeepdiva81]

7, I want to thank you for all of your advice.  I appreciate the time you took to share with me.

Kassiane ( I hope I'm spelling that right) I am sorry for what my dh wrote on the post.  He had a hard time coping with my behaviors and new dx.  Everything is cool now.