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Well which the hell is it for the love of GOD!


gracie

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I'm sick to death of reading and hearing that if I want to get not depressed I have to leave the house and do things with people. Well, if I felt like going out I probably wouldn't be depressed. If I could stand all the God damned self-centered, know-it-all assholes out there, I wouldn't go out and get more depressed than I was in the first place.

"You have to force yourself to go out, to call people, to communicate". Fuck that shit and the horse it rode in on. How can all these people that never had a severely depressed episode in their frickin joyous little lives tell me what I should do. Fuck em.

So, am I depressed because I don't want to go out and I hate people or do I hate people and not want to go out because I'm depressed?

Just shoot me.

Gracie

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I'm sick to death of reading and hearing that if I want to get not depressed I have to leave the house and do things with people.

It sounds like you've been over-exposed to extraverts: "I need to go out and meet people, so everyone MUST do the same! (so I can be happy)"

Of course you may have to leave the house and deal with other people to work, or get food, etc... But sometimes, when you're depressed, doing just the basics has to be enough. If it's all feeding into itself - depression making you more agoraphobic, which makes you more depressed because you can't stand being cooped up alone - then forcing yourself to break the cycle makes sense. Otherwise, maybe going out to something you have a chance of enjoying - an artsy movie or a museum, someplace not crowded, instead of the mall or a football game - would make much more sense.

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My mental health team did that - "here, have a leaflet on how to sleep" WTF?!!! I know how to fucking sleep mate, I just can't do it! ;):) All these tips on how not to watch TV or read a book, or go to the gym before trying to sleep...dur...yeah, I know that, I do that, I still don't sleep...

And I've had the whole "you must go out to break the cycle of depression" speech too. It'd be nice if it worked, but it just made me feel more depressed because I didn't feel part of the world. I was there, but not connecting with anyone or anything. It would be so nice if more of us with MIs could qualify as psychiatrists and psychotherapists...then at least we'd know what the blazes the person in front of us was talking about!

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Thanks all. Its amazing how you feel better just knowing someone knows what the hell you're talking about and relates.

Cocoa? I love that one. I'd be up for days if I drank cocoa before bed. Good grief!

Gracie

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the two that i got were 'mindfulness' and 'exercise'

so... yes, im in agreement that mindfulness is a fantastic technique but... no when im suicidally depressed its NOT going to fix it, perhaps when im feeling a tad better we could go over some of your shit boring techinques. (old pdoc).

and exercise, well.. i was there because i could barely drag myself out of bed, and previously i HAD been very much into sport and exercise. So, you know its hard to just 'do it' sometimes. very small steps. having a shower was a plus, eating, you know... all that. going for a walk every day was just too much to handle. Of course, when i started on meds and picked up a bit ... THEN i could walk more and yes, it was helpful.

but yeh... sometimes people are a bit clueless.

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So, am I depressed because I don't want to go out and I hate people or do I hate people and not want to go out because I'm depressed?

Yes to both. At one particularly bad point, group therapy helped me a lot. It qualified as "getting out and being with people" but didn't force me to go to a mall or restaurant or interact with shiny happy people. It was also, ahem, therapeutic, which surprised the fuck out of me, seeing as I hold the human race in about as high esteem as you appear to. But there I was, getting out of the house and talking with people who understood.

There really is something to the whole concept of breaking the cycle of depression. It is kind of a closed loop and whatever works fastest and best to open it up to some intervention is the way to go. For some it's medication, for others therapy, for yet others it's breaking out of isolation (my last choice for any kind of intervention, but then I'm a cynical introvert, so, yeah).

Loved your post.

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Ooh, the sleep hygiene one is great! It's like... if I could sleep like a normal person - I WOULD!

I can usually brush off the well meaning people that tell me that I need to get out more. There is truth in that, I think that if you've got a mild to moderate depression going on - getting out more can be a great help. But when you're in that soul sucking pit of severe depression (when taking a shower is considered a great triumph), socializing more isn't going to make you feel better. When I'm that low, going out and being around other people make it so much worse.

Like I said, I can brush off most folks because often times I think they have never been seriously depressed and just don't understand.

What drives me nuts are like the two friends I have now that are badgering me to go out more and both of them have MI. They are on the borderline of getting threatened with a bazooka (I guess it's a good thing that I do not have a bazooka).

Point is, yes gracie - totally feel you on that one.

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I can never really tell what the right thing to do is... so often I feel exhausted when I try and see people lots but then when I don't (on nights like this) I end up staring into space, utterly depressed. It's hard... especially as I have this complex that everyone else thinks I'm a sad loser with no social life...

I don't really care whether there's truth to the forcing-yourself-to-go-out thing, what I hate is the *attitude* of most of the people who preach it to me. "Life's great for me, you just must be unlucky/boring/lazy." Morons.

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i just had my MHPNP suggest i get involved w/ my local moms club or something like that. i wanted to say like you THINK i haven't done that and like you THINK that will lift my spirits?! i KNOW what moms go to those and most of them SUCK! i can't relate to most of them...they have hubbies paying all their bills and paying for it all and nice houses and nice clothes and newer cars and debit cards and credit cards and are mainstream in their parenting (which i am NOT) and i'm sure not many of them are bipolar or have any CLUE what i'm going thru. fuck that. i totally hear you on your thread, gracie. totally. when i'm in a funk. i need to stay in it. i need to hibernate and alienate. nothing or no one will or can pull me out of it until i climb out myself. i have gone for walks outside and the whole time i'm in a funky state of mind.............it does NO GOOD for me. i hate to say it but its TRUE for me, at least. yeah. fuck that advice. which is why i have a hard time being constant in my friendships or whatever group i go to for support or companionship. sigh.

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  • 3 weeks later...

The comments from drs about exercise.

HELLO? I can't afford a car and I can't even drive if I wanted because I am NOT well.

How the hell do you think I get my groceries home dr? How do you think I get to your office? You don't call taking public transit exercise? Yes doctor would you like to give up your expensive gym membership and bring your groceries home by public transit that takes forever? Now that is exercise.

That one pisses me off.

Even when I rent a car, and return if on a sunday night when the buses don't run, it takes me an hour-and-a half to get back home and it is a 15 minute drive.

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