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I stopped to get a soda and my house didn't burn down.


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I think this should go here.

I don't know.

Argh. FUCK.

So...

I think about bad things happening.

All the time. From little things [that glass is going to fall off the table and shatter into a million pieces and one of those pieces is going to get into the dog's foot and then we're going to have to go to the vet] to big things. Example: [reason why I am writing this]

We were out of power for several days and running our wood stove a whole lot. I started thinking that the house was going to burn down and I couldn't stop thinking about it and one time when i was out I just kept envisioning it and was convinced that the house was burnt down and it was so real that I had that taste in my mouth- that pain kind of taste- and I imagined alternately finding it burning and having to run in and find the dog because, hey, I don't have the strength to NOT run in and find the dog.

So I'm feeling like I'm going to throw up and I'm tasting copper and convinced that my house is going to burn down but part of me is trying to fight this off because I feel like it's just my brain being stupid.

So I force myself to stop and get a soda quickly.

So the thoughts won't "win" entirely.

It didn't really help. And it didn't help when I got home to find that the house was intact and the dog was ok. I just started worrying about other shit on top of the house maybe burning down.

Like the falling down the stairs and breaking neck thing.

Does any of this make any sense to anyone?

I'm just constantly worried.

I'd love to see someone carry a glass across the room and no envision it shattering on the floor or spilling everywhere or something.

Argh. It seems so small, I don't think I can explain.

But I just worry about everything one can worry about.

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i get this feeling a lot too. i always have 'what if' situations running in my head. do you take any meds for the obsessions? i take zyprexa and it helps calm my brain and slows down the thoughts (but i still have them).

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It makes sense to me - I don't have that exact experience, but I have plenty of anxious thoughts myself.

Are the thoughts new? I get thoughts like that in a much more intense way when I'm having an especially stressful time. I know it doesn't help much, but if they're new, or at least more severe than usual, they might recede on their own.

The only thing I know how to do is challenge them like you did, by stopping for a soda on the way home, and I know that can be a) not too much fun and b) not even particularly effective.

I don't have much advice, just wanted to say that you're not alone with the constant worrying.

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This makes perfect sense to me. It's a scary dangerous world out there, and every time you turn on the tv or read the paper you find horrible things happening. Even on something innocuous like the "Today Show" they seem to find every horror story that happens to normal everyday people.

I don't understand how people can NOT worry constantly. And I know how exhausting it can be to get through the day too.

I have to say that when I started taking SSRIs this incessant worrying did abate immensely. So I think for some people relief is available, but it doesn't work for everyone.

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Wow, I know exactly how you feel... I used to stay home as much as I could because I just *knew* that my family would be murdered if I left the house. Even now, when I force myself too leave and go have fun with people, I'm afraid to open the door because I just *know* that the relative I'm staying with will be dead when I go inside.

He never is of course. But I've forced myself to get out of the house.

I also worry about the house burning down, even though we don't burn anything here... I think it's because I live on the third floor and there's no way out if it does catch fire... :-/

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ugh. that's terrible.

i know that when i start thinking like that, it's a huge indicator that something is REALLY WRONG. i don't normally think that way, or if i do have a disturbing thought like that, it passes very quickly. if i am NOT okay... yeah it runs over and over until i can hardly stand it anymore. it doesn't matter at that point if the bad thing happened or not, because it's already happened in my mind a hundred times and i can remember the horror of the whole event. ;)

for me it means i am REALLY depressed. the more depressed i am, the more scenarios my brain will create to show me exactly what unliveable event will happen next. and i can't stop thinking about any of them, until i just end up crying and hiding under the covers because i can't take the onslaught of my own imagination anymore.

some people tell me it's an OCD trait, doing this. either way. the only thing that's ever stopped it is a med tweak. i could tell myself logically over and over that my thoughts were not rational, but it never stopped the next one from coming in two minutes.

please tell your pdoc! (yeah i know that sucks). but i'm worried about you, k? there's only so long one can go on thinking this way and want to participate in the world at ALL. and being in that world, we'd kinda miss you! you don't deserve to feel like this.

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Luna,

When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I think is, "What bad could happen today." On good days, I can shake the feeling. On bad days, it follows me all day, questioning every decision I make and churning out "new" bad things that will probably happen. I find myself compulsed to do things to make the thoughts go away.

I think stopping for a soda is an excellent way to confront those thoughts. I try to play the "what if" scenario. I play out my expectations asking myself, "What's the worse that can happen?" This usually helps to minimize the thoughts.

Its definitely worse when I'm either under a lot of stress or my bpII is acting up.

Sorry, I know it sucks.

peace,

Phoenix

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  • 4 months later...

That's classic OCD right there.

For me it's the grocery store, Winco. On a Sunday, or a Thursday, it's cursed. I cannot go in there or else something terrible will happen to my job, or my husband's job. Winco any other day? Fine. Any other store on those days? Fine.

This last Sunday my parents decided to go to Winco. I was in the car. No escape.

So far...well, we haven't been fired but I'm not sure how that 'disproves' anything, I really need to disprove this fear.

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I'm going to guess that you've already tried SSRIs, and they either did Bad Things or nothing at all?

For whatever it's worth...I'm also on Wellbutrin/Budeprion/buproprion hydrochloride....and when I pulled out of my major depressive episode, it triggered really horrible OCD in me. (At the time, it was the only medication I was on.)

Paxil killed the anxiety for me. I was shocked - I was making more eye contact than I ever had in my life, all of those thoughts that I tried to hard to get rid of that just invaded me every minute of my day were gone.

I suspect that if I'd gone on an SSRI alone initially, I would have just slept and slept forever. After being weirded out by the disturbing tingling at the back of my head.

Maybe this might help, idk. I hope you find a way to alleviate that. I hate OCD.

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Hi Luna,

I have experienced something like that in the past. It would take me forever to get out of the house. Lock the door, go down 2 or three steps, check my pockets, can't find my keys, omg I locked myself out, omg my keys are in my hand, omg did I lock the door, go up steps, check the door, go back inside to check if I turned off the stove which I never turned on, go in basement to make sure dryer isn't on fire, check all doors and windows, leave house. Repeat 1 million times until hopelessly late. Worry all day, race around corner to check house.

There was nothing funny about it, it was terror, I would be sweating. I feel for you. That behavior has been replaced by alternating rage/depression since I hurt my back. It would be stupid to advise you to hurt your back, obviously. Sorry I don't have any advice, but looks like you got some anyway. lol!!, I just noticed you posted this before last christmas. I love this place. ;)

joe

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It hasn't been AS bad as it can be at times, but it's sort of escalating again.

I think it's because I'm stressed out?

I'm not sure.

But, yeah the ssri don't work out for me.

I have gotten a new doctor since then and it's like "Man, you don't know the half of it" every time I see him. I'm debating printing out some of my posts, like a "greatest hits" and bring them to him.

Because, like, I'm starting to have symptoms again that I've had before only HE doesn't know that.

...er which has nothing to do with this topic.

TA DA!

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