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Hey, all. I'm in a pretty bad situation right now. I had really bad depression and anxiety all through high school. Could never get dressed in the mornings without having a breakdown, and I was suicidal all the time. I worked through it without ever telling anyone and was accepted to a college I'd wanted to go to since i was in 6th or 7th grade. When i got there, it all got way worse. I guess I wasn't that good at managing it, and ultimately, I ended up sleeping around 15 to 16 hours a day, and usually only being awake in the middle of the night. I almost completely stopped eating, and lost around 15 pounds in a few weeks. I eventually od'd on a bottle of vicodin my roommate left laying around, with every intention of dying. I ended up leaving a few weeks later. Anyways, I came back to live with my parents and get back on my feet; I found a job in no time, and then lost it when I got hit hard again. I'm unemployed now, living off the money i've had saved up while i try and find another job.

The thing is, i've been with a girl since high school. We made it work for the year I was gone, and now we're living in two different states and still managing to stay together. She means everything to me. It's just that the past few weeks, I've been going downhill again. I'm lower than I've ever been right now, and she's coming to see me on sunday, and staying over the holidays. I dunno what to do. I can hardly get out of bed anymore, and feel so shitty that getting outside's a huge deal anymore. She's always been really supportive, and knows i'm depressed, but i don't want her to see me like this. I'm in a perpetual breakdown that i can't get out of. I just don't know what to do.

I guess I should mention that i've tried meds, and they didn't have any effect for me. I know I need to see a psychiatrist, but we don't really have the money right now. Also, my parents were a little less than supportive when i told them about how i was feeling. Their reaction was more like disgust than anything else, and initially, they thought i was faking. I love them, but they don't seem to believe me.

Sorry for the long story. If I sound out of it, I'm just pretty down right now. Guess I just needed to vent a little.

Cheers.

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Even if you don't have much money, counseling is probably available through the County Dept of Human Services or Social Services. Please call them and see if you can can an appointment to talk to a therapist.

Despite what your parents may think, depression is a serious illness that should be treated by a medical professional. If the meds you tried in the past didn't work, that doesn't mean that there aren't other ones you could try. I took 4 different ones and fiddled around for over a year before finding the one that worked for me.

Seeing your girlfriend is a side issue compared to treating your depression. Please try to get some help for yourself.

olga

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Yeah, what Olga said. You probably really need to rethink how you look at depression. When I'm in a deep depression, before I can get out of it, I generally have to clear my plate of everything else and deal with the depression head on. Twice this has included hospitalization, but that is not a requirement for getting better. Seeing a pdoc immediately, however, is. (IMO)

Your gf will be happier if you're happier, same with the Ps. And if they don't come on board with your illness, you have to move forward and get treatment for yourself, with or without support from your family.

Meds are sometimes a PITA, but very necessary, for me and most of us, if we are to maintain stability. Get a good pdoc and he or she can explain it all to you. If you don't have the money, call your county. Call the welfare office, call Crisi Intervention. Call SOMEONE. Someone who can refer you to the most affordable, for you, mental health care.

You are probably NOT going to be able to will yourself out of this depression, dude. It doesn't work like that.

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