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Is it possible for my pain to not be my fault, when it's genetically related in my family (dad, sister, grandparents)? I never experienced any trauma. I've had panic attacks since childhood.

I think I self-harm to feel like therse a reason for my pain

I seek self-destruction for there to be caustion for my sadness.

I've just started to realize/accept this tonight. I've been in therapy for about 4-5 years (and have been dealing with anxiety/depression for more than that) and only recently have I allowed myself to talk about my feelings. I am very good at holding things in; I often feel like I shouldn't ever complain because so many people have it so much worse than me. But could I be significant as well? Does anyone else feel like this?

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Hi fractal, welcome to cb ;)

It's important to remember that your pain is yours. It is real, it is significant. Your depression may be genetic, and it is not your 'fault' however there is always choices you can make to help manage and hopefully ultimately defeat depression.

Just because you don't have a childhood horror story doesn't mean that your pain is lessened in any way, or that you are any less deserving of help and empathy.

I think it's common for people to self harm and then tell themselves they feel bad because it hurts. Have you seen a pdoc about medication? it's often very helpful, especially if you think your symptoms are chemically based.

Hope you stick around.

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I feel bad about feeling bad too. Sometimes I just have to stop listening to the emotional voice and just listen to the intellect where it makes no sense to feel guilty about feeling guilty. I hope you feel better! Its okay to hurt sometimes and it doesnt really matter who's fault something is if the end result is hurt then thats what you gotta deal with.

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I could be wrong, but from the way you said it you think that MI runs in your family. That's more then enough of a reason for your feelings. You can't help what the genetic lottery dealt you out.

Put it this way, you holding things in because you feel bad for complaining, doesn't make anyone else problems better. It probably just makes you feel more lousy ;)

Letting it out might give you some relief. Therapy's a great thing, and so is cb.

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i feel like this a LOT. thanks for posting this, fractal :) . i have a TON of guilt. guilt over feeling so bad emotionally/mentally. guilt over isolating. guilt over not being 'better by now'. guilt over this and guilt over that... i have read that depression has the symptom quite often of unexplainable guilt...or something like that. in other words, we feel guilty for feeling guilty about feeling guilty. if that makes sense. why we beat ourselves up in this way is beyond me. we have enough of a load to carry...

i think it is because most of our low self esteems (how could they NOT be low...is there such a thing as a high esteemed depressed person?) and how we feel so alienated from the 'norm' of our society...

you know what i REALLY hate...is when i'm all chipper and smiley on the outside and sometimes i may feel a bit ok on the inside (at the MOMENT...which is TEMPORARY in this ultra-cycling) and then people think i'm fine. well i want to SCREAM at them................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am NOT FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its all a MASK so you don't think i'm NUTS or...something. ;) wait, that didn't make sense. lol well you know what i mean. to certain people you don't want to show your true colors...in stores, etc. so you appear to be like 'them' to get thru wherever you are...or to save your reputation somewhat...or whatever. sigh...this is so hard, i know. HUGS.

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