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the way christmas makes me feel


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like i've been shot in the chest, and i'm lying on the ground bleeding, alone, and people just watch from their windows or pass by, not acknowledging my injury. I feel so selfish for wanting someone to ask what's wrong, or try and help, or at least say "i'm sorry you're in a bad way right now" and give me a hug.

This happens to me every year. last year i spent christmas day evening in the hospital, crying to the psych nurse for hours. I have no idea why this happens. I send empathy to those of you who know exactly what i describe, and hope you can communicate it better in words than I can, so you can reach out for help.

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like i've been shot in the chest, and i'm lying on the ground bleeding, alone, and people just watch from their windows or pass by, not acknowledging my injury. I feel so selfish for wanting someone to ask what's wrong, or try and help, or at least say "i'm sorry you're in a bad way right now" and give me a hug.

This happens to me every year. last year i spent christmas day evening in the hospital, crying to the psych nurse for hours. I have no idea why this happens. I send empathy to those of you who know exactly what i describe, and hope you can communicate it better in words than I can, so you can reach out for help.

Christmas is so hard when you're not feeling good. I went to the mall for something the other day and listening to the Christmas carols just made me want to break down. You're not alone here, if that helps.

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I know exactly what you are talking about and going through it myself right now. Forcing myself to spend some time with my father whom I'm usually miserable around because I'm afraid to spend xmas by myself. No telling how I might respond. Everyone here is shopping and smiling and enjoying their friends and family and I'm sulking and dying inside. Anyhow, sorry for the depressing reply (no pun intended).. I just wanted to let you know I know how you feel. It will get better though. I feel in my case if I give feeling better a chance.

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I'm sorry you're feeling so horrible ehygon.

As you can see from the other posts, the holidays knock a lot of people on their asses.

I think its a combination of forced time with family, which often brings out ghosts from the past and seeing all the joy that other people seem to be having.

Not to mention that its dark when we get up and dark by 5 pm...and cold. (Winter Solstice just occurred so the days will start getting longer now!)

Be gentle with yourself. If there are parts of Christmas you enjoy, celebrate those things. If you can't stand your family, limit your time with them.

Its almost over.

Peaceful thoughts,

Phoenix

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Hate it. Just want to crawl into a hole & die whilst everyone around me is so fucking cheerful.

So painful.

Me too. I had to opt out altogether. No xmas in any way in my life at all. Nada. That's painful in itself, as I remember my kids' fun and family stuff.

Yeah, just a few more days.....

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hey

me too...Christmas is a hard time of year

the constant Christmas music at the stores

is enough to make me run away

i for me i think its because my depression makes it difficult to have and maintain "normal" relationships with other people

and since Christmas is such a family and friends oriented holiday

it just seems to constantly remind me about how

im not normal...

its like "look this is the wonderful happy life everyone else has...but guess what... you can't have it"

sometimes i feel like the world is taunting me

and cause of the stupid snow my travel plans have been completely ruined

so it will be just me and the kitties this year

which okay my family stresses me out

but i just curl up next to my parents fire place and read lots

and its much better than being all alone on Christmas

im sorry if this sounds a bit ranting

but im just feeling pretty down about everything

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I'm sorry that I'm late with this suggestion, but some churches have "Blue Christmas" services for people who are grieving or get depressed during the season. Instead of being all holly-jolly, the ceremony acknowledges the sadness that many of us experience this time of year.

You're not alone, any of you. There are lots of people who get depressed at holiday time.

olga

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I appreciate all your replies everyone! I had my yearly little mini crisis the day after i posted here, and managed to come out unscathed. I'm still feeling pretty down, but it's a lot more tolerable. I think my mental illness has a seasonal component, because there's not really much about christmas in particular that upsets me, i just know it's going to be a bad mood time. I should look into SADelites or something for next year.

I hope everyone else starts feeling better too ;)

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im glad you survived your mini crisis... i myself know what the deep pit feels like. i was sobbing yesterday at my sisters house, but i took my prn and was able to eat dinner without breaking down. hope you stay well, the holidays are almost over anyway.

take care,

carmex

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