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I hate my friends?


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I think I have Borderline Personality Disorder but am trying not to think in terms of diagnoses as that has proven detrimental to me in the past. Anyway, in going with the thought that I am BPD- my relationships are really, really unstable.

Sometimes I get along well with my friends and hang out with them from time to time (I'm still working on NOT being anti-social) and sometimes-- like now-- I can't stand any of them. Like right now I hate them all and want to run away and never speak to them again. What did they do to me, you ask? Nothing. There is absolutely no reason for these feelings but I can't help it. I'm just sick of people, I guess. Sometimes I think people are just crap deep down- nobody really cares for everyone, they just all have selfish motives all the fucking time. I don't think anyone really cares for me, either.

And in true Borderline (I guess?) fashion, I am not wanting to deal with my emotions and instead am cutting everyone off and alienating myself from people. I keep having thoughts of just telling everyone to fuck off and living my life entirely by myself, avoiding all social interactions that are not entirely necessary in day-to-day life. Essentially, being the Into the Wild guy would be ideal. ;)

Anyway, I guess the reason I'm posting is to vent but also to ask Borderlines if they have this kind of trouble with friendships and how to deal with them. I guess it's no wonder no one gives a crap about me if I ignore them sometimes. Ughh I don't know...

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Ok maybe I'm totally wrong here, but I am guessing you are a teenager based on what you are saying. Your description alone is not a basis for diagnosis of BPD. It just sounds like good old fashioned moodiness. Trouble making/keeping friendships happens with all sorts of people and it doesn't by itself indicate a mental illness.

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No, no I'm not suggesting that this is a diagnostic criteria for MY BPD- I was just asking if it is a sympton. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

For the record this has also been suggested by my therapist and p-doc so I'm not coming out of the blue with it here. :) Yes, I am young.

I have a radically unstable sense of self, idealize/devaluate people (which is in the latter stage in what I'm writing about here) am impulsive in that I cannot control myself often times and do harmful things to myself. I've also attempted suicide multiple times, have always ALWAYS felt entirely empty (I remember stating this at age 9) and my moods are so rapid/drastic that I drive myself crazy. I've also been in 2 psych wards and have gotten mixed "reviews" so to speak (I'm making myself sound like a Pauly Shore movie ;) ). Anyway, I'm fairly certain it's borderline, but like I said, I'm not trying to be hung up on that... I guess I'm just asking if wanting to discard everyone so drastically and often is a borderline thing or not...

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Well, the DSM IV Criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder is:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). [Again, not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-mutilating behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.

8. Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms

I'm guessing that you have probably read that already, though, and you are referring to criteria number 2.

BPD as a whole, is best treated with therapy. What has your therapist said about your problems with relationships?

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^he says stuff like i need to work harder in maintaining them and developing them in the first place

i dont care though, as of now im done with people. no one gives a flying fuck about me and im sick of being there for everyone. i dont want anyone at my funeral theyd just want to come to see what cash i mightve left them, anyway

fuck it

ps sorry crazyboards for language feel free to delete or whatever i dont care its a stupid topic anyway

sorry for taking up anyones time in reading these whiny rants

wont happen again

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^he says stuff like i need to work harder in maintaining them and developing them in the first place

...which is something that does not quite happen over night for those with BPD. Work + therapy

i dont care though, as of now im done with people. no one gives a flying fuck about me and im sick of being there for everyone. i dont want anyone at my funeral theyd just want to come to see what cash i mightve left them, anyway

ok, first of all, thinking about your funeral is never the best idea in the world. Second, I think you do care. If you didn't care, you wouldn't have posted. Relationships can be hard for *anyone* to maintain, MI or not, for various reasons. Not to mention that sometime people are downright assholes and you're unlucky enough to have befriended them. That does not mean you are fucked for the future. Do not give up on the future.

ps sorry crazyboards for language feel free to delete or whatever i dont care its a stupid topic anyway

language? seriously? fuck fuck fuckity fuck. That is our stance on that! lol

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No need for apologies.

Gosh its just so hard to help diagnose someone. If it is important to you to have a solid diagnosis I would just tell my doctor look I need to know. If having a concrete diagnosis doesnt help I would just give therapy a try.

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