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Finally started treatment for diagnosed uni-polar depression 2 weeks ago. 3 days ago I noticed I actually felt 'ok' and I wasn't lying when I said it. Yesterday I skyrocketed up in my mood. Wanted to talk, go do things (but I didn't know what)...just an overall increase in everything. Wasn't tired, so now I'm almost 36 hours without sleep, still not really feeling tired.

Now on top of that crap, all these rivers in western Washington are flooding. Record highs. Yay...Now all night I'll be worrying about water coming and ruining my car and motorcycle. Stupid rivers.

Well anyway, this all has proved to be an interesting couple of days. Early this morning I decided I needed to vacuum the living room. Flipped up the couches, moved everything around. Found some pens my cat boinked underneath the couches! As I stared at the cobwebs in the corners I got an incredible idea. Why not vacuum the walls? I talked myself out of it because it's a large stand up and would be too cumbersome.

And of course, after the living room fiasco I had to go clean my bedroom, which has hardwood floors. Stand up vacuum cleaners and hardwood with little specks of down feathers and what not...does not mix. I ended up working a sweat so I got naked and just wrapped a sweatshirt around my waist and tied it off. Going for the Braveheart look, ya know. I didn't find it odd that all the blinds were open and I was dancing around listening to music.

I don't even know. I had a blast today. Last night went to Wal-Mart and spent $100 on crap. Oh that was fun. But now I'm already thinking, why did I get these little fountains? I don't even remember the conversations I had today. I just remember being so excited over every single thing. Oh, and my idea to go through all the possible time combinations and make rhymes. Like "7:11, oh thank heaven". I made two rhymes then turned to who I was talking to and said "I should go through all the times and make rhymes." After the realization that I just rhymed I gasped so loud and shouted "HOLY SHIT!"

I just look back and think...wow. Just wow. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. I feel a sort of tiredness coming but when I think of sleep I instantly think of this omnipotent force that is trying to teach me a lesson and is going to flood my house! I guess I could say God, seeing how that's a fairly universal term.

Wait, why am I posting this? Oh, I guess just my experience and I wanted to share. I suppose I'll have to contact my doctor and tell him about this. Hmm.

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Wait, why am I posting this? Oh, I guess just my experience and I wanted to share. I suppose I'll have to contact my doctor and tell him about this. Hmm.

Just print out the post and hand it to him - that's easiest.

I've heard of "climbing the walls", but vacuuming them? You may want to schedule an appointment sooner than later.

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Just print out the post and hand it to him - that's easiest.

I've heard of "climbing the walls", but vacuuming them? You may want to schedule an appointment sooner than later.

I completely agree with null0trooper, I think you should talk to your pdoc ASAP! Let us know how you get on, ok? ;)

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Currently I'm only seeing a family doctor. I think the first time mental health popped up was when I attempted suicide 3 years ago. I think I'll try to find some specialist that works with my insurance and isn't an hour away. But I guess if I have to go into Seattle I will. I just imagine myself in Seattle right now...whew. All the stores...Pike Place. I'd probably waste too much money.

And an update on the river here...they put sand along the main highway where I live and last night it was no where close to even touching the sand. Now it's really high up and about to come over. At least somebody told me that. The whole anxiety about it left because it's day and I can at least see out the window.

And last night I got myself to lay still and shut my brain up enough to fall asleep. Slept for 9 hours. Felt so so good to wake up today and feel completely rested again.

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So glad to hear you got some sleep. It makes so much difference, doesn't it?

I hope the river doesn't flood over. I know how you feel about that as I live pretty near the Thames here on the London/Kent border and the flood barrier is miles up river, so if the Thames floods, I'd better have an inflatable dingy handy!

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In the midst of trying to find a website where people in my area actually RATED psychiatrists, I stumbled across something. Occasionally I'll have these brief experiences, and I could never really put a finger on it. I just felt weird, like "I" was being detached from "me", my body. Depersonalization and derealization. Depersonalization happens way more often, but when both happen at the same time my brain starts spinning and the thoughts start flowing.

"What if all of this, everything...this "reality", is just an illusion in my head. In the "normal" world I'm in a psych ward."

There's plenty of things that happen in my life that make me believe all of this is a dream. That's really nothing to do with mental health. Just things that happen...way too strange to just be a coincidence.

Well anyway, maybe I'll call my doctor and ask him for a good pdoc recommendation.

edit: I didn't want to post another reply. This is so stupid. I woke up this morning and felt pretty good, went down to a baseline (more or less) and now I'm back to hating myself and my life and just wanting to sleep for eternity. At least in my dreams I can be normal.

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