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I have been about 3 years into substance abuse counseling at this point and I am at a cross roads.

I understand that having a beer will lead to more beer, and I am no fan, but everyday I feel the urge to not be "normal."

When I was smoking pot once a night almost every night, I was more comfortable at the end of the day. I was in a job that did now allow for this to happen, and I ran back to drinking 2-3 beers a night to "calm down'. I am also on Seroquel and wellbutrin.

I realize I am not following the medication rules, but I am in a crux of my recovery where I am supposed to be honest with my psych and psyco. However, I am also placed in a position where these 2 report to my family if I abdicate from my plan. I am not sure what I need to do, but if I tell them I am drinking, well, you get the point. This absolutly prevents me from being honest with my providers, and makes me completely uncomfortable with sharing anything which has to do with possible continued issues.

The original plan has worked well, and I am no longer drinking myself into oblivion or some such thing, but I can no longer be honest with my provider, because everything I say negative is shared down the line... and it seems impossible for me to say "this isnt working" without alienating my family.

BTW. I am new here, and really appreciate the chance to be honest, and crazy.

Thank you,

b.

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I am in a crux of my recovery where I am supposed to be honest with my psych and psyco. However, I am also placed in a position where these 2 report to my family if I abdicate from my plan. I am not sure what I need to do, but if I tell them I am drinking, well, you get the point. This absolutly prevents me from being honest with my providers, and makes me completely uncomfortable with sharing anything which has to do with possible continued issues.

The original plan has worked well, and I am no longer drinking myself into oblivion or some such thing, but I can no longer be honest with my provider, because everything I say negative is shared down the line... and it seems impossible for me to say "this isnt working" without alienating my family.

1. Is your participation in treatment of your own choosing, or is it mandated by court or another outside force?

2. Why do your treating providers report to your family?

3. Why is it not an option for you to discuss a med change, or further development of coping skills, with your providers?

4. You are not prevented from being honest with your providers. You elect not to be honest with your providers. The consequences of using whatever substance and then being honest with your providers are apparently unacceptable to you. But that's a choice. I'm not trying to bust your chops here. I'm just saying... no one is duct taping your mouth shut when you try to speak, right? (If they are, that's a topic we need to discuss.) That's your choice.

5, If the original plan has worked well, then it's of interest that you're trying to possibly subvert it. I assume you see how it could look that way, if you review the text you've written.

Therefore, it's probably of value to clarify why anything you share in treatment 'must' be shared with your family, and why you choose not to be honest with your providers.

And why the treatments - the therapy and meds - can't be changed, so that you don't need to resort to intoxicants, particularly since you seem to believe that not drinking was initially helpful.

And why you believe your family would be alienated by your request to either change treatment, change their level of access, or resort to intoxicants.

OK, your turn.

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Welcome (I just got here myself) to crazy boards.

Okay, one addict talking to another. 3 years of recovery counseling and you're at a crossroads.

Get clean and sober and struggle and be free of addiction (and the secrets and the lies and all the other shit)

Or...keep getting drunk/loaded, keep up the secrets, live with gnawing shame and guilt and hiding everything you do and cover one lie up with another til you don't know where the fuck you are ... the list goes on.

"Normal" is a button on a washing machine for me. Every day that I stay clean and sober is a new "normal" day for me. Every day I'm stable (or not) on my meds with my MI, is another new normal.

Staying true to my path of recovery and taking meds as directed and being honest with everyone has saved my ass.

As someone who has been there and done that, I have to ask you if you are done playing games and letting the lies eat you up? Are you willing to pay the price if you continue to go the way you are going?

Everyone in my life...EVERYONE, knows what's going on with me. It's uncomfortable at times being an open book but at the same time it's what works for me.

4 1/2 years sober is all I have to offer you - and I'm still untangling the bipolar mess and working with that...

I support you in getting clean and sober and being honest but if you want to stay loaded I can't help you.

I can only carry the message of hope and that you're not alone, you're going to have to make the rest of the decisions.

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First off - welcome - be as crazy and as talkative as you want. That's what we're all here for.

I can understand your post from several points of view. I am the adult child of a recovering alcoholic/drug addict (18 years sober, go dad!). I also drank in excess in my early, undiagnosed days to make the pain go away. I also, ashamedly, abused my mental medications and it ended in an overdose and an deserved stay in the psych hospital that, as a side bonus, almost destroyed my marriage.

I don't know why your docs report to your family, and I dont like it. I've done some really stupid stuff like take a bunch of xanax and drive to work, and as such, my hubby doses out my meds to me each night. It actually was a condition of my release from the hospital. My doctor still agrees with this after a year, because I've honestly admitted to her that there have been times I would have taken a bunch of my meds if I had them.

But my doc doesn't report this to my hubby, I do. My doc and I have a trust thing going on. You need to have one too. If you can't trust the doc who's prescribing you brain pills, who can you trust? And if you don't trust them, can you find someone else? Is the reason they are reporting on you because you are underage? That could be a problem for you.

There are really, REALLY serious side effects with drinking too much and these medications. Plus, the simple fact is they don't work as well when you drink. Tell the doctor you drink, but you are trying to stop. That should alleviate the pressure from your family a little. Not a lot, because there will be a trust issue there. But it's better to face it sooner or later.

And once you do, you can start to move past this dragging-you-down chapter in your life. I wish you the best.

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Last summer, my life got destroyed by someone who thought he could lie his way out of his substance abuse and the problems it caused. I think that if you are lying to your family, you're potentially causing them a great deal of hurt when they do eventually find you out.

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I'm with Silver on the "we need to know a little bit more about the situation" deal.

At the moment it looks like your options are:

1. Be honest about your current situation, and possibly have the meds and therapy adjusted to be more effective. This risks family alienation, but may save your sanity (at least you'd have a chance to eventually make amends)

2. Lie. This risks falling further into alcohol and drug abuse, permanently alienating the rest of your family, and jeopardizes your chances of ever being mostly stable.

There may be another way around all this, but I don't think we have enough information to tell.

I do know that drug and alcohol abuse screws with friends and family members pretty bad, and part of your building stress may be coming from their difficulties in adapting to the changes in your behavior. They may need professional counselling to help them deal with the changes they are getting in place of the changes they were expecting, and the changes yet to come. That's a lot of Very Difficult Stuff to process.

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Not gonna lie to you- I didn't even read anyone else's post... so sorry if I'm being redundant...

But as a forever-long chronic pothead, I've reached a similar crossroads where I can't kid myself anymore- my chronic pot use IS contributing to both my depression and my paranoia.

I've long used it as a rudimentary mood stabilizer (and before anyone corrects me on that, there are a thousand strains that do a thousand different things and there IS a reason further research is being done on the matter). It's SO tough to quit because it DOES work to calm you. And "calm" feels GREAT when you're depressed or anxious or strung out.

I quit all the hard shit about 6 years ago, and I don't think any of us on here will ever debate that coke or meth are gonna wreck your head. Duh.

But I'm MASSIVELY cutting down on my pot intake. I just can't feel like this anymore and I have to grow up. Luckily for me, any drug use I report to my doctor goes unjudged and unreported to anyone else I know. And it's also useful for him to know when I feel that I 'need' to use or smoke, cause obviously it's a cycle. You smoke pot to make yourself feel better, but after more than one hoot, all it's gonna do is make you feel worse, which makes you want to feel better so you smoke more.....

and the cycle goes on.......

(full disclosure: I love pot. It makes me feel good. I support any and all research and further decriminalization. But I'm also not retarded and I know it's a factor in making my mental illness harder to deal with. That is all.)

(pps - NOT to suggest you're retarded, lol..... I never want to hurt or offend anyone on here....)

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