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I do not know what is wrong with me


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Significantly for the past six years my life has been taking a slow decline. I am nearing 26 years of age and since 19 things have sort of been snowballing me into the place I have come into. I have since the age of 13 been aware that I am a person who suffers from acute anxiety/panic disorder. For the bigger symptoms I must say I have been very lucky that in the sense that since I have been living with it from such a young age, I learned to adapt early. I learned how to overcome my anxieties and fears. I taut myself to live with it and as the years have gone by less and less did the panic attacks come. I do not have full out panic attacks anymore, and I am fortunate for that.

As I have written however, over the past six years I have been in a state of decline. Slowly I have pulled away from everything and everyone in my life. For the past 4 years I can honestly say that aside from weekly phone calls from my Mother I have no continual human contact. This I can say honestly does not solely lie with the fact that I am a anxiety prone person. For the past six years I can only describe it as being in a constant state of emotional pain. I can go from feeling like I can manage to have the smallest things set me off in waves of depression and grief. I feel constant waves of heartache, nausea, and slight episodes of dementia. Slowly I have stopped leaving my apartment. Now I have not left my apartment in a little over a year. I bathe once every three of four days when I just can

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Well, it's great that you have an appointment to see your doctor. It's probably better if she (or a specialist) does the diagnosing. (Heh, I would "vote" depression with anxiety of some flavor or possibly bipolar II, but I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone. A doctor/nurse practitioner/ physician's assistant will probably ask you a lot of pertinent questions.)

Even though you feel like shit right now, I think that it's awesome that you've decided to get help. I hope that you quickly stumble upon a medication (or a couple) and a therapy combo that are effective for you. (Unfortunately, some things about neuropsych treatment are still a bit of a crapshoot.)

Good luck!

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I agree with the previous posters---let your doctor do the diagnosing. Printing out your post and bringing it may be the easiest way to describe to her how you feel.

There is hope---you don't have to spend your whole life in isolation, feeling this low. With therapy and medicine, your life can be entirely changed. I hope you can get yourself to that appointment. It could mean a whole new you.

Good luck, and please post again so we know how you are doing.

olga

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Guest beetle_not_logged_in

Is there such a things as just being constantly depressed? Being prone to the sever and manic lows that someone who is bi-polar might experience without the manic highs?

FWIW, my intial Dx was "double depression". That's what the pdoc called it. He said that it sounded like I was chronically dysthymic (low grade constant depressed state) with periods of severe depression overlayed. I don't know if that Dx sticks. My current pdoc's philosophy is it's not so much the Dx as it is treating the symptoms. She labels me because she has to for insurance purposes but she hasn't said one way or another exactly what she thinks my illness is.

I personally think I might be some flavor of bipolar without the classic manias. I believe I suffer more of a mixed state where I'm severly irritable and prone to bursts of anger.

I think of MI as a spectrum of disorders with much overlap between them.

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