lysergia Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 please forgive that i can't be succinct, i can't be all that organized out loud either. i'm too confused because i am depressed and anxious and lamotrigine makes me dumb anyway. okay. i've stopped taking WB manufacturer's samples and started taking the prescribed version over three months ago. same dose, supposedly same drug, nuh uh. not for me anyway. so i'm done now with the pretending to believe the bioavail version of WBXR is equivalent to the GSK version that was so good to me for so long. it isn't. not only does it not obliterate most of my anxiety anymore, i'm having huge mood drops/swings that are too severe to cover up (or endure). the bad news i discovered today is that GSK is no longer manufacturing the drug. if i'm gonna take WBXL, i have no choice but to take the version that does not work (it may actually be making me worse, i don't know at this point). WBSR was good but the mood drop after mid-day was too much - the XL version fixed that issue for years. the original version, that is. this one has the same crash, but from a way higher baseline, so i'm hitting the ground from six stories rather than two. and then i can't get back up so easily. it really hurts and i cry a lot. i've been on various ssri/mri meds in the past with terrible results. i've been taking lamotrigine for almost 18 months now and it is a miracle drug for me. i function outside my home now. i couldn't do that for ten years. i do not think i need to tinker with my lamotrigine dose. i think it is fine. when i'm not swinging, i'm still at an acceptable baseline - i can think and feel normally. it just doesn't last even half the day anymore. i have to figure this out with a gp who has never seen me before nor me him. i want to be prepared for what may be a good idea and what sounds like he is smoking crack. i'm desperate and terrified this doctor will be like my last, and the issue will be ignored or disastrously medicated. i have a job now and i don't want to mess that up because my head is fucked up from meds that make me crazier than i already am. it's the most important thing keeping me sane, being able to work again. i am thinking that a few different courses of action might sound reasonable but i too may be full of crack because i'm not all that rational today, i can't stop crying about this long enough to figure it out. but i'd better be rational tomorrow when i see that doctor because these are the decisions that can make or break whether or not i can leave my fucking house (sorry) - stop taking the WB altogether and see what happens. see whether or not the drug is causing the mood swings, or just not taking care of the existing moods very well. potential outcomes are that i get better really fast once the drug is gone, or that i go completely nuts because i need whatever it is WB gives me. - try splitting the dose to 150mg bid. potential outcomes are that the WB level will stay more stable and therefore so will i - or that since all versions are being made by bioavail now, it's going to slam me into the ground twice as many times a day. - try a new med. i DO NOT wanna. but i am willing to hear it out if the other options aren't good ideas or if they don't work. but i CANNOT consider any other antidepressant on the market that i'm aware of, because they're all involved in the SRI thing which makes me batshit. what acts like WB and isn't an SRI? anything at all? i feel really dumb for even asking this but i really cannot figure it out right now and i just can't blindly trust this doctor, not after the last one nearly killed me more than once because i was ignorant of all possibilities and obviously so was he. i'm going to get what i get, regardless. i'm not the one with the little yellow-striped pad in hand. but i need to know what sounds totally BAD and what i might suggest if i get nothing but a blank look. if i get the blank look or teh stupid, i'll move on to another doctor. but um, i kinda need to do this sooner rather than later, so i don't want to do nothing in the interim if he sucks tomorrow. my fault, i let this go on to the point where i'm teetering instead of addressing it while it was a small issue. what's done is done though. i still have to get some treads in this slippery slope or i'm in big trouble. thank you for listening if nothing else. please pray or cross your fingers for me that i get help that works tomorrow because i'm feeling really hopeless and scared right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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