from ativan to klonopin

[ruttentud]

I was on 1mg ativan PRN, talked to my pdoc about what is happening. My cycles are going crazy or I'm in a mixed episode. I don't know wtf is going on. But on top of increasing the Abilify, we switched to Klonopin.

This shit...is intense. 1mg. I took it a little over an hour ago. I feel fucked up. Which is reaaaaally weird and confusing to me because i'm an addict in recovery. But i mean, i'm taking them to make my brain slow down, because if I'm in a down mood I get really close to suicide. And I told him the ativan helps with it, but should i use klonopin because it lasts a little longer?

He said 1mg klonopin = 1mg ativan. wtf that's a bunch of BS imo.

anyway. I guess I just wanted to kind of vent. I feel weird because I am 'high' and i've been clean for 21 months. But, im definately not counting this as a relapse because it was recommended by my pdoc. I just know i'm going to get lots of shit for it by the people in NA. heh, at least I know I have something to help if I get the rare case of insomnia.

Also, pdoc said he doesnt want me taking it everyday, just when I start to feel like I'm about to skyrocket or drop down. because I feel very wobbly and any form of anxiety could shoot me into an incredibly dangerous state.

Well, take care all. I just kinda wanted to vent. Mayeb I can finally read this book without getting incredibly pissed off thinking I'm not that great of a writer.