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Wish I could think of a clever title

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Hi. I feel like a fool. I'm not good at writing to lots of unknown people at once. I feel like there is nothing I could possibly say that is new or interesting.

I'm depressed. Duh. I have been all my life. I feel like I have very little to offer to this forum, so I feel weird about asking, through this intro, to be paid attention to.

Still, I'm quite depressed and anxious, and meds aren't working, and licit and illicit drugs do not generally offer relief. Valium has helped, but none of the dozens of antidepressants I've tried have done anything for me. I'm 40, and I fear the challenges of old age, and it's hard not to assume that my depression will last for as long as I live.

My support group is very, very small. I've never been good at making friends, or fitting in.

I recently started with yet another psychiatrist and therapist, both of whom seem intelligent, careful, and competent, so there is something from which to draw courage, though, as ever, I am terrified of the ever-increasing debt, and the complications that come with it.

I was just sitting here, trying to calm my breathing, trying to think of anything I might be able to concentrate on that won't worsen my depression/anxiety, so in desperation, I am reaching out to you all.

I resisted medications for many years, for many reasons, but finally succumbed a couple of years ago. Their utter failure (except Valium) to help me has increased my discouragement. I've tried all the holistic stuff, to no avail. I tried ECT. I absolutely cannot recommend it, though I hear it has been helpful for some.

I give myself credit, when I can, for the courage that has gotten me this far. I believe I'm basically a good person, and that I did nothing to deserve my illness. I long for so many things, too many to list, but they include the ability to be creative, productive, and helpful.

Thank you for letting me share.

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Welcome to Crazyboards.

I'm sorry none of the ADs have helped you, but maybe the new pdoc and tdoc will come up with an alternative. I have a friend who has GAD, and benzos did nothing to help her and just made her feel out of it. Then her doctor put her on a beta blocker and she said it was an almost instant change.

Now, I'm not saying that a beta blocker is what you need, but it might be that your former doctor wasn't thinking "outside the box." (I hate that clich

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