LogInHere Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 HELLO. Well, I hope I have found the message board I was looking for. So far, I"ve seen: -thoughtful advice -caring comments -intelligent "cussing" (just came from a site that didnt allow "cussing" because....ask me privately. I don't feel safe mentioning it because the reasons they gave was SO hilarious, you might fall off your chair and unintentionally injure yourself. You also weren't allowed to #$%&%$ I like all these things! Wow. And I don't usually like many things right now.... I want to give an introduction of myself. -30 yr old female -Treatment Resistant Depression -BPD (Borderline...) -went through 2 formal rounds of DBT, once on my own, and once in the context of an outpatient program (and, except for the first few weeks, I was EXTREMELY committed...heck, I did it on my own!) -did LOTS of other therapies, alternative, medium, regular, everything in between -took LOTS of supplements, herbs, homeopathics, special drinks Through all that, I still have a very tiny amount of control over my emotions. I get WAY too upset over most everything. Two months ago, I was kicked out of the home (again) I shared with the man my soul (from past lives) craves....needs....loves. Things with him had gotten very bad...yet, at it's very worst with him (after a fight, walking along the side of a dark road, alone, many hours from home...), I am much much much worse without him. And he isn't even the problem. The bolded line above is the problem. If you saw my list of 27 different categories of therapy I have tried over 2/3 of my life, you would understand. I am a firm believer that, for me, my problems are mostly chemical and, in order to experience any change in my life, I need the right chemical. Please....I spent YEARS saying 'I will NOT take the easy way out and expect a drug to fix my problems." Then I started taking them again and thought that drugs, in combination with actually WORKING HARD through therapy, would help me. How many years and how many drugs should one take with NO results?? Here's the other thing: I took a drug, not intended for emotional use, and, within 2 hours, felt: -normal (in that I could CONTROL my emotions!) -happy, but not manic or high -very coherent and with a level of mental clarity and retention I hadn't experienced in years It's complex reasons (not what you think) that I no longer am helped by this substance. But, it helped me to see what life should be like! If the person driving behind you has their brights on, the "normal-appropriate" reaction is, "That hurts. I'm going to pull over so they pass me and then I'm going to continue driving...and not have ANY unkind thoughts toward their grandmothers." If you're friend says "My friend just died and that's why I wasn't able to return your calls for a few days", my reaction when ON this substance would be "I'm SO sorry! Is there anything you need right now?" When off this substance, my thoughts are "How could you? I was suffering and alone and you knew it..."...all the while, I knew I "shouldn't" be upset. So, here I am. I am very very very very much in pain. I very mcuh NEED the pain to decrease...but I am wary of anything I have spent at least 6 months doing, and hasn't brought me ANY relief. In fact, there's been numerous times when I spent lots of time doing a Marhsha-approved behavior to decrease suffering, it didn't do anything for my suffering...but afterwards, I felt WORSE becasue I tried so hard and failed...now, my opportunities for "getting better" are decreasing... I believe that DBT can be a lifesaver for many. I believe it will have a HUGE impact on me once I am on the right chemical (most likely something endorphin oriented). so hello. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
withing Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Wow, that was long, but I read it all the way through. I've already taken my chemicals for the night, so my reply is not going to be very coherent. The long and short of it is - welcome to the boards, this is a great place, and I hope you find the answers you're looking for. Sorry I can't pound out any more than that right now, but the Seroquel is making me go beddy-bye. Welcome aboard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meg Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 HELLO. Well, I hope I have found the message board I was looking for. So far, I"ve seen: -thoughtful advice -caring comments -intelligent "cussing" (just came from a site that didnt allow "cussing" because....ask me privately. I don't feel safe mentioning it because the reasons they gave was SO hilarious, you might fall off your chair and unintentionally injure yourself. You also weren't allowed to #$%&%$ I like all these things! Wow. And I don't usually like many things right now.... hey and welcome to CB -- seems like you have us pretty well figured out, cussing and all It's been a wonderful and helpful support and resource for me over the past couple of years and I hope it can be the same for you. At the very least, you've most certainly found a place where people "get it", know what I mean? It sounds like you've been through a lot and I'm sure you'll have helpful contributions too, I'll seeya around the boards, I'm bed-bound too (finally. ugh) but nice to meet you (ya know, in a sense), meg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Hi, Login! Welcome to Crazyboards. I'm going to move your post to the Introduction forum. Of course, you are also welcome to post in the Personality Disorder forum and anywhere else. If you are feeling bloggy, write a blog! We have a great bunch of people here who have a lot of knowledge and experience with MI. Please PM me or any of the mods if you have a question. olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix_Rising Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Welcome! I think you'll really like it here. Shit, I know I do. Looking forward to seeing your posts. Peace, Phoenix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LogInHere Posted March 3, 2009 Author Share Posted March 3, 2009 oh good...I'm glad you moved it. After I wrote it, I saw there was a place for introductions but had no idea how to move it there. thanks everyone for your welcomes. Besides having something e-mailed to you, is there any other way to be notified if someone responded to something you wrote (and not only in a thread you started)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scatty Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 You could click "View new posts" and it will show all threads that have any new replies since your last visit. Oh ya, welcome bitch! (just kidding) I hope to see you cussing on the boards! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BPCharlotte Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Hey, hope you get as much out of this place as so many of us do. Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldfinch Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Hi, glad to have you here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirMarshall Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I will deliver the official CB welcome, welcome speech. Welcome, welcome! a.m. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
withing Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I will deliver the official CB welcome, welcome speech. Welcome, welcome! a.m. Just don't give out the secret handshake just yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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