Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

It Was A Bad Day


Recommended Posts

I hate depression, I hate it, I hate waiting for med's to work, (at 25 w/Lamactal) dammit - it hurts.  I feel guilty for being so helpless.  And I've never thought this before, but "Why Me?", (I always thought that's feeling sorry for myself).  I want to scream. 

My girlfriend, (and I see her rarely, but she still listens if things are really bad, I can reach out) told me there's been too much trauma in my life. (Molested as a child, very sadistic step father, abusive mother, sexually abused by grandfather)....is that it, plus my father being Bipolar I and off the deep end when I was eight never to return, (he jumped out of a window in front of me when I was six, the *Mormoms were chasing him....

I'm rambling, just a fucking very bad day.  Maybe tomorrow........

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like a pretty fucking bad time added to a bad day.  When I'm having a shitty day (hmm, today will do) I mentally turn my back on my past which always likes to sneak up and haunt me.  Like it knows I'm especially vulnerable so it chooses attack.  I decide that I have enough problems to deal with THAT day and I don't need anything else fucking around with me.

Sorry you had such a tough time.  Depression sucks ass, no doubt about it.  It can be transient with meds though, so hold on there.  Keep posting and eat some ice cream!

JBella

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you JBella, it is transient, that's what sucks ass, (I like that) and for some reasons, afternoons are worse.  And I will try not to let the past sneak up on me......like my therapist said, "Stabilize now, get you stable", then we can deal with that.

Thank you again, I'm going for the ice cream,

I was having an inferiority complex because no one replied, think my self esteem needs a little work?????  So, thank you.

Linda

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's funny you said that, afternoons are worse for me, too.  I wonder why.  I figure its because my night meds had lost most of their juice, but when I added one in the AM I just kept yawning.  My depression hits the worst between 3 and 7pm when I'm not in major depressed mood.  Mornings seem to be relatively harmless strangely enough, considering I'm not a morning person.

Stupid depression.  Oh look!  Ice cream, yum.  I just had vanilla with black cherry soda.  Stupid inferiority complex.  Hmm.  Sprinkles!

Keep it up, girly!

JBella

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yep, mornings are managable, (and by the way, I'm not a morning person either).  Yep, around 3'ish to 7-8, hell, crying, hopelessness, anxiety and then after 7'ish, better.  Weird.....

Chocolate mint chip for me baby, you hang in there too!

Thanks you're a lifesaver,

Linda

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yo Linda - what be up chickie? 

Mint chip works for me.  I'm totally with you on those thoughts you are having.  Whatever works, babe, whatever works.  I was wigging yesterday and posting and no one would reply and I was all sad.  I also have this thing where I feel "bad" dumping my shit on other people so I try to deal silently.  Yeah, that never works.  Yesterday it was a very strong vodka cranberry and a 3 hr nap with my nephew that chilled  me out.  Bad because I shouldn't be drinking, but fuck it you know?  My pdoc won't give me benzos like klonipin or anything, I suppose she thinks I will get addicted, which maybe I will, but then she needs to tell me what to do instead?  So I'm going back to new heights on the lex (40 instead of the max 20).  Hopefully it will not send me skyrocketing to manic town.  We'll see.  Sucks about your ex and your daughter, I am sure the sex related stuff is bringing up thoughts about your own past and are too scary for words.  Dammit, that blows.  You officially have my permission to eat ice cream whenever you need to.  I used to be able to balance what was good for me in the long run and what I wanted right now, but when you feel like lying down in front of a mack truck, anything that gives you a little joy works for me.  Chin up.  Am I going to have to go all cheerleader on your ass again?  'Cause I will, y'know...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry that things are sucking. It blows when these things come out of left field to mess up your day. Hopefully it goes away very soon. My crying times are usually in the morning because I have a hard time being chipper and greeting each new day. But depression is like waves it will lessen and you'll feel better eventually. Do anything that ups your happy quotient.

Thinking of you

Lilie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you, JBella, SuperGwen, Lillie.  Today wasn't better, if anything it was worse.  But I did talk to my mom and tell her I need help with my daughter, and we need a contigency plan until the meds kick in - she's trying to help, but I know my MI frustrates her, (she's very take charge, get up off your ass type - after all the abuse she heaped on when I was growing up and her playing ostrich when my step-father was doing his thing, you'd think she'd be depressed - sorry ranting)  My fiance is hanging in there, I know he's worried and I'm crying most of the day.  Somehow, someway just needs time.  Time for Lamictal to do its thing.  But I must say this board helps.  Lillie, you're right, it comes in waves, and sometimes the storm let's up a little, but then a big one crashes and so it goes, hope, got to have hope.

SuperGwen, you make me smile, I wish I could do the same for you, (but if you could see my hair right now, you'd probably laugh your ass off, looking like medusa)  I'm up to 40 mg. Lexapro too, (wish it would work).  Hang in there, I wish I had more to give right now.  But I thank you and when I have it to give, you can lean on me. 

Take Care all of you, patience, I just have to tell myself, patience, this too shall pass,

Warmth,

Linda

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...