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Well I have tried everything for my depression, since 1992.  I just started taking Abilify added to my Cymbalta and Wellbutrin!  The topic "Abilify and Wellbutrin" caught my eye.  Yesterday was day one on 5mg of A.  Also on 450mg Wellbutrin and 30mg Cymbalta.  After only one day, I would agree, definitely rocketfuel.

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Hi, mom2torn, welcome aboard.  I am also one of those who have been trying everything for my depression for years, now pdoc has decided I'm bipolar, so more fun with more meds. Right now am taking 150 wellbutrin, 15 remeron, 500 depakote and synthroid.  Since adding remeron a couple of days ago I feel much better.  Placebo effect, who knows but I'll take as many un-depressed days as I can!  See you around the boards. Stay well, Sulu

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hi mom2torn,

unlike you and sulu (who i've never said hi to although i've seen him (presumably) around, so hi sulu!) i've not done a big go round on meds. i've been on effexor xr since the start, but have had adjuncts too: nortriptyline, trazodone, seroquel and remeron. i'm currently on 225 mg of effexor and 50 mg of seroquel and they are doing well for me. i'm the best i've ever been since i started meds.

also unlike you and sulu i've not been on meds that long, only about 18 months. although my major depression and general anxiety and mild OCD (the latter two self-diagnosed, technically) have been with me since i was a child. i had about ten years off and on with various lousy therapists (mostly school counsellors) before i finally got medicated and became serious about therapy.

umm, so after having pointed out all the differences between us, i guess there's one more. i'm pretty damn sure i have MDD and not bpII. i had a show down of sorts with my pdoc a few months ago over the diagnosis and he shot down my bpII self-diagnosis. in retrospect i think he was correct. if you're at all interested i've written about it on my thread, but i've posted all sorts of stuff there so you'll have to kind of sift back a few months to find it.

have you ever been on effexor and seroquel? the latter is a great sleep aide and has REALLY been a beautiful adjunct to effexor. although this is the second time i've tried it. i was dosing myself with alcohol for a while so that pretty much nuked any chance for my meds to do their thing. but that's all sorted now so it's just brain meds from here on in.

welcome to the good place and i hope to see you around. i'd be delighted if you'd visit my thread and say hi. or better yet, if you feel like sharing, start your own! i have found it to be uniquely liberating. i feel that through people i have met there and the staggering amount of support i've received, i am finally becoming myself after all these years.

grouse.

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Hi Grouse,

Thanks for sharing your info.  I have been on Effexor and Seroquel, but not at the same time.  Back when I was on Nardil, my kids pdoc gave me some Seroquel samples to help me sleep.  Boy, did they knock me off my feet, literally.  And that was only 50mg.  I don't even want to mention what happened when I accidentally took mt daughter's 200 mg Seroquel one night (my two kids and I are a medicated family).

Effexor did not help me.???  tried most of the "synergistic" combinations using TCA's, Lithium. and so on.  Oh, somewhere along the way I was diagnosed with Narcolepsy and put on Adderal.  I was really happy back then...lol.

I have a great therapist.  Probably the only reason I'm still here, second to my kids.

Again, thanks for the welcome, and I hope I don't forget to come back to this website...lol.  I think it's really great.

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Hey Grouse, would you mind if I asked you what youtr pdoc told you when he or she shot down the Dx of Bipolar II?  I know you said you have posted a lot of stuff, but I am not very computer savvy (anymore.)

mom2torn (mom of two tornadoes!)  ;)

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hi mom, ;)

here's post that i made a couple days after seeing my pdoc and getting my own 'diagnosis' of being bpII shot down. it's from about page 15 on my thread so if you are interested you could go to that page of my thread and sort of read what was going on for me at that time. or by all means just ask me questions. i'd be more than happy to answer any that i can.

grouse.

"i am not resting with this, but it sent me into a profound depression yesterday. i drove around for about an hour crying. it was a beautiful evening, sunny and summery. i drove my dad's car, which i love cos it's so nice to drive. and i drove a long twisty road with great corners. everything was stuff that i would love and would normally have had me feeling great. but i had tears in my eyes pretty quick and then they were spilling down my cheeks. and i was bawling.

damn it. then i blubbed to sme for about and hour and a half on skype. she talked me through it and i finally got better. so i went to bed feeling a lot better. thanks sme.

i must say that it do think it is possible that he is correct. i know three tdocs at the centre and all are very good. so i would think that he is also very good. i had a half hour session with him and my tdoc. it was not a therapy session, but a status checking session. i spent about 20-25 minutes going on about all my 'symptoms' that i get when i get 'hypomanic'. i did not use the word hypomanic, but i said that many online friends noted that my moods didn't seem consistent with MDD. that i cycled way too fast.

so i went on and on describing how i felt agitated, irritated, bold, agressive, sexually assertive, claustrophobic, etc.. i described situations for him where i felt claustrophobic, i gave him background on me to compare my altered state to. i went on and on. i half expected him to say, 'whoa, okay, okay. you can stop. it's obvious to me. you're bipolar. okay. so we change your meds right away and explore that with you in therapy.'

i was actually a bit concerned that he might want to hospitalise me for a day or two and that it would totally freak out my family. they'd have to know because i had the car and couldn't just say i'd gone camping or something  cos there's no way i could just take off with the car for a few days.

but when i was finished, feeling like i'd been kicking a dead bipolarity horse for at least 10 minutes with the bipolar thing. he said, 'well what you're describing is not consistent with bipolar disorder. i don't feel that you are bipolar at all.'

after that he said a lot more words. and i said words. and my tdoc said words.

i remember he said that he thought my problem was psychological (??!) and that just medicating it would just numb me and wouldn't deal with the problem. he said that therapy was what would help me and that we would increase my tdoc appointments to weekly instead of once every two weeks. he felt that there was something going on inside me that we hadn't seen yet.

rein or gretl, i think it was one of you who thought that i must have some inkling of what it is. i don't. i've thought about it. but i don't see anything. maybe it's some abuse at a young age that i blocked out. sexual abuse. i don't know. i say that because that would be something that i probably would block out. and i have recent insights in the ability of my mind to control me. to control my reality. that probably sounds dumb, 'my mind controls me'. but that's not the way it should be. i should be in control of my brain, otherwise i don't know what is real. if it were in charge it could say, 'ooh, look! huge grey spiders crawling down the wall!'. and i'd see them. i have dreams like that. they scare me.

so, i don't know what to think. i seriously doubt there are supressed memories of abuse in my head. after he discounted bipolarity i just kind of nodded and smiled and went through the motions and blew off the rest of the session. and took off. i got back and told my folks. and they felt better. not quite sure why. i guess cos they didn't want me to be bipolar. i mean, bipolar is mental right? and depression is just screwed up. (w.h.a.t.e.v.e.r.). they didn't say that, but i know that's what they were thinking.

and i guess they felt, and i later understood too, that if he is right, then i am responding to therapy and making true progress. my brain is upwelling states of being that depression suppressed for over two decades. that would be real, and huge, progress.

but why do i get so depressed that i feel like my dog's just died? why do i walk around numb? why would i be grateful to someone who just took a big fucking knife and stuffed it right in the middle of my chest?

and then why do i cycle up to this state of giddy energy?

and back down again? "

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