meg Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Went to the Pdoc yesterday and finally confessed how awful/exhausting/frustrating it is that: I repeat words in my head all.the.freaking.time. Maybe it's the last few words of a thought, sentence or something I read. Anything, really. The words get into a rhythm (like a little chant or rhyme) and repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat until some other combination takes their place. One could repeat for 3 minutes/3 hours/3 times. Even if I go to sleep, as soon as I wake up it starts repeating again. And it stays in the background even when I'm trying to talk/type/think about something else. It's the worst when I'm tired, sometimes it's ignorable. (above is an edited down version of this post '[link=http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=28638&hl=" target="_blank]overandoverandover[/link]' that I made a few weeks ago so I don't explain all over again what the hell I mean by repeating words) So-- Pdoc gave me an Abilify starter-pack and I'm supposed to take 1mg every morning for two weeks and call her in that time period to let her know how it's going (if it's going at all). But I'm nervous. I haven't started any new psych-meds since Lamictal in October 2007, I'm not counting stimulants since they aren't a commitment, they work or don't and you know quickly. I guess this is the first time that I've had the choice whether or not to take a new med versus pretty much having to take it to get rid of the depression (Wellbutrin XL, Zoloft, Lamictal), or make me functional and awake during the day (Adderall IR/XR), or to get rid of side-effects (tremor: Atenalol). I'm also not so sure I can make peace with taking yet another medication at age 21. I've spent so long getting to this point and have been feeling like "whew! finally off the med-go-round!!" that I'm freaking myself out about starting a new med again. I'm functional and shit. I'm not sure if I want to mess with who-knows-what/how long side-effects. Abilify doesn't exactly seem like a just-peachy no side effect profile med either. It seems so serious. I've wasted months in bed trying different combos to keep me awake and finally have a winner-- should I risk wasting more days to try a new med? Anyone faced this kind of dilemma? I work from home for my father's company and I don't know if I can ask him to be any more patient with me than he's already been while I figured out the stimulants. Gah. I've never been such a baby about meds before, but I'm scared of this one. Maybe b/c it's a big, bad AAP and I'm 'just depressed/add/wtf' -- dunno. Anyone commiserate/advise/give me a kick in the ol' patootie? m PS (yeah, there's always a PS in megposts. but y'all knew that)-- the up-note is that the Pdoc validated how hard it would be to never have quiet or peace, or when you do for it to be rare and precious and short-lived. she said 'I know that I wouldn't want to have to live with that all the time-- it sounds very frustrating and just plain exhausting' and I thanked her like 3x because for a loooong time I thought nobody would take it seriously and didn't mention it. it's such a relief to be listened to. yay for good pdoc lady. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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