Abilify my repeatingrepeatingrepeating thoughts away?

[meg]

Went to the Pdoc yesterday and finally confessed how awful/exhausting/frustrating it is that:

I repeat words in my head all.the.freaking.time.

Maybe it's the last few words of a thought, sentence or something I read. Anything, really.

The words get into a rhythm (like a little chant or rhyme) and

repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat

until some other combination takes their place. One could repeat for 3 minutes/3 hours/3 times. Even if I go to sleep, as soon as I wake up it starts repeating again. And it stays in the background even when I'm trying to talk/type/think about something else. It's the worst when I'm tired, sometimes it's ignorable.

(above is an edited down version of this post '[link=http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=28638&hl=" target="_blank]overandoverandover[/link]' that I made a few weeks ago so I don't explain all over again what the hell I mean by repeating words)

So-- Pdoc gave me an Abilify starter-pack and I'm supposed to take 1mg every morning for two weeks and call her in that time period to let her know how it's going (if it's going at all). But I'm nervous.

I haven't started any new psych-meds since Lamictal in October 2007, I'm not counting stimulants since they aren't a commitment, they work or don't and you know quickly.

I guess this is the first time that I've had the choice whether or not to take a new med versus pretty much having to take it to get rid of the depression (Wellbutrin XL, Zoloft, Lamictal), or make me functional and awake during the day (Adderall IR/XR), or to get rid of side-effects (tremor: Atenalol). I'm also not so sure I can make peace with taking yet another medication at age 21.

I've spent so long getting to this point and have been feeling like "whew! finally off the med-go-round!!" that I'm freaking myself out about starting a new med again. I'm functional and shit. I'm not sure if I want to mess with who-knows-what/how long side-effects. Abilify doesn't exactly seem like a just-peachy no side effect profile med either. It seems so serious.

I've wasted months in bed trying different combos to keep me awake and finally have a winner-- should I risk wasting more days to try a new med? Anyone faced this kind of dilemma? I work from home for my father's company and I don't know if I can ask him to be any more patient with me than he's already been while I figured out the stimulants.

Gah. I've never been such a baby about meds before, but I'm scared of this one.

Maybe b/c it's a big, bad AAP and I'm 'just depressed/add/wtf' -- dunno.

Anyone commiserate/advise/give me a kick in the ol' patootie?

m

PS (yeah, there's always a PS in megposts. but y'all knew that)--

the up-note is that the Pdoc validated how hard it would be to never have quiet or peace, or when you do for it to be rare and precious and short-lived. she said 'I know that I wouldn't want to have to live with that all the time-- it sounds very frustrating and just plain exhausting' and I thanked her like 3x because for a loooong time I thought nobody would take it seriously and didn't mention it. it's such a relief to be listened to. yay for good pdoc lady.

[tryp]

Hey Meg,

I take AAPs for non-BP/sz issues, and I have had few, if any, side effects. I'm on Seroquel for my insomnia/anxiety and it has really helped keep things quiet in my head.

I would give the Abilify a try - it probably won't do any harm, and if the side effects are intolerable, you can always stop it.

[graduation day]

I have the exact same problem with the thoughts repeating in your head. And I'm on Abilify, 30 mg, which (so far) hasn't helped with that particular problem. Sorry, don't mean to be discouraging. On the positive side, it has worked wonders on other problems, such as strange and macabre thoughts/experiences, low mood and energy, etc. And I haven't experienced a single side effect yet, but maybe I'm just lucky.

1 mg is a pretty low dose - I started on 2 or 2,5 mg (can't remember). Sounds like your pdoc is being very careful, which is good I suppose.

Who knows, you might get lucky with Abilify? You won't know unless you try. I know I'd like to get rid of those repeating thoughts - why not give it a shot?

[meg]

I'm looking at Abilify too, and my pdoc said I'd know pretty quickly if I could tolerate it or not-- things like akathisia and agitation on it tend to show up really fast. This is consistent with everything I've read as well.

thanks susan,

that's just about the same as everything that I've read too (and am an absolute-internet-research-psychobabble-lover-google-addict). I thought I was going to have a ton of work starting yesterday so didn't want to start it in the morning and maybe risk sleeping through my first day of real workwork in a month or so, but then didn't have any. And none today either, so I'm giving it a shot. Nothing horrible so far ((crosses fingers)).

I've found that I tolerate med changes much, much better when I'm otherwise stable, so you are probably in a good place to try.

duh. I didn't even think of that!

that makes a lot of sense, I guess I just haven't tried any med changes since being stable...thanks, very good point. I'm also not screwing around with the meds that keep me stable, so if Abilify doesn't work out, it's not like I'll have busted up my miracle cocktail or anything.

I have the exact same problem with the thoughts repeating in your head. And I'm on Abilify, 30 mg, which (so far) hasn't helped with that particular problem. Sorry, don't mean to be discouraging. On the positive side, it has worked wonders on other problems, such as strange and macabre thoughts/experiences, low mood and energy, etc. And I haven't experienced a single side effect yet, but maybe I'm just lucky.

thanks gd,

that's not discouraging, we're all so (sometimes annoyingly, lol) different that I know not to fixate on one person's experience, but that said, it's still is comforting to hear them. that's great about the side-effects, and at 30mg? luckyduck.

I have huuuuuge problems with the low energy thing (hence the amount of adderall in my cocktail) and my pdoc did mention that Abilify can be activating, so here's hoping. It's good to hear that it's been helpful with that.

1 mg is a pretty low dose - I started on 2 or 2,5 mg (can't remember). Sounds like your pdoc is being very careful, which is good I suppose.

She *is* being careful, which is sometimes frustrating, lol, but makes a whole lot of sense since I have time to take this slowly since it's not something vital like a depression treatment.

She gave me the 2mg starter pack and said "you're gonna hate me, but I want you to split them in half " and said it might help within a few days or it might do absolutely nothing and we'd talk about it after a week or so. I would love to be at a super-low dosage of something one of these times I'm sick of maxxing out med dosages.

and thanks for the encouragment tryp, having some quiet time up in this head of mine sounds like heaven so it'll be nice if Abilify does it and I don't have to wait until heaven I'm patient, but not THAT patient.

m

[meg]

and in responding, I forgot to mention that I'm two doses in now (1mg each)-- nothing to report so far, and that's fine with me.

I tried it at night first (rather than suggested morning) because I'd rather waste time being awake at night than being asleep during the day since I've spent so much of my life zzzing through sunny gorgeous days--

it didn't keep me awake, didn't put me to sleep, but I did wake up about 3x during the night, which is unusual for me lately, so based on that, I took it in the morning today.

This morning (before taking any meds) was just plain AWFUL.

I had the same 9 (I counted) notes of the end of a Louis Armstrong song stuck in my head for a good hour--- it got replaced here and there by the end of a sentence or thought or the label on the cereal box, but those 9 notes were the winner and kept coming back. Crap, they're coming back, I need to stop thinking about it. Anyway...

I said 'SHUT UP!!!!' and 'sshhhhhhhh.' and 'what the hell..shut the f up!' out loud to myself way too much this morning. Nobody has overheard me talking to my own head yet, but it's only a matter of time, bah. It was just so so LOUD .

It's now 2 hours after taking all my meds, including 1mg Abilify and there's not much noise left-- it shushed up a lot. Problem is, IDK if this is Adderall or Abilify or both or neither.

I guess I'll have to just stop questioning it for now and enjoy having the volume turned down for a while.

I wonder if I'll ever get it to shut off entirely.

Any more Abilify/repeating/whatever comments are very, very welcomed.

thanks for your support guys, I couldn't deal with starting a new med again with nobody to talk to about it.

m

[SunshineOutside]

I have repeating thoughts in my head too. They go something like "um yeah what to do now....over and over. ALL the time.

I take Abilify but it has not helped with the repeating thoughts. I take Fluvox for the repeating thoughts but it does not seem to help either......

Sorry, I know it drives you crazy!

Sunshine Outside

[beetle]

I recently did a trial of Abilify (see it down there in the graveyard in my siggy). At first I got a real kick out of it. And I mean that. All of a sudden I had some energy and floated around the house getting jobs done that I'd put off for ages. I'm sure when talking to my husband, it must have sounded like I was going a mile a minute but thank Jeebus I wasn't (as) depressed. I wasn't oversleeping and woke up feeling refreshed (which just about never happens).

But it didn't seem to be doing squat for my irritability, agitation anger thingy that's really a BIG problem for me. So, the pdoc kept jacking up the dose to the point where horrible akathesia set in and it drove me to the point where I quit a med cold turkey before my next appt, for the first time ever. She wasn't mad or anything that I stopped it. She said if she was taking something that made her feel like that she'd stop it too.

In a way though, I feel like she ramped up the dose too high too fast. Like maybe once the akathesia set in, we throttle it back down a little and then see if we can't add something that might help with the irritability and keep the Abilify since it seemed to be working mostly on my physical depression symptoms. Instead, she just ramped it up and then dropped it when the akathesia set in. Even though earlier in the trial at the lower doses I actually came into her office reporting that I felt kinda better and that I was getting stuff done and all that. I dunno. I'm rambling, I know.

Oh yeah, about what you're asking. I DID notice that my head was quieter on Abilify. I even mentioned this to my pdoc and she scribbled something in my file when I said it. I looked at it as another positive thing about the med.

Who knows maybe the new pdoc I'm scheduled to see won't ramp things up too fast, or stop trials too soon (I also think that same pdoc gave up on Lamictal too quick and at too low a dose. I was willing to raise the dose some or give it a bit more time but she didn't seem to think so.)

Also, I can't remember what dose we started out at and how high we eventually went. I suppose I should have been writing all this down and saving it for posterity but my mind wasn't working that way at the time.

Good luck with the Abilify.

[meg]

I have repeating thoughts in my head too. They go something like "um yeah what to do now....over and over. ALL the time.

Thanks Sunshine, I'm sorry you have to deal with it too.

So you're still looking for something to work? good luck.

But it didn't seem to be doing squat for my irritability, agitation anger thingy that's really a BIG problem for me.

Gotcha, that sucks that it helped with repeating and not with what you *needed*-- I kinda hate it when that happens (med doesn't do what you need but does something you need a little less urgently and therefore can't keep it. bah.) It's too bad your doc wasn't a bit more tuned in-- but it sounds like it'd be a viable med for you in the future if you ever needed wanted to try it again, which is better than a permanent red X, imo.

But it is good to know it *did* help with the repetition. I haven't felt sped up or ramped up or anything like that at all. Started taking it at night so we'll see if that helps.

My pdoc has me on 1mg (ONE) lol, for 1-2 weeks and then we'll talk about 2mg. She said it might do nothing but she wants to take it slow since my other meds are working pretty well and I don't want to screw with being stable enough to work and happy enough to be happy

Anyway, thanks again(andagain) for the input so far everybody,

m

[meg]

Today it's reallyreally freaking bad.

So much so that if I pause, the last like 4 words I typed start repeating. As soon as I pause (as soon as I pause, as soon as I pause, as soon as I pause..) uhh, and then I lose my train of thought (and then I lose my train of thought..and then I lose my train of thought..and then..)

AAAAAAARGHHH.

shoot me. crap, now I have a song from guys and dolls in my head with the wrong lyrics. f. f. f.

I'm on day 6 and nothin' but a dull headcold like headache, a couple days of nausea, just being a little extra dull and tired and yet another pill to squeeze in my poor overloaded pill case (one perk of it being the size of a mouse turd. gross, but hey, I live in the woods...and it really is the size of a mouse poop).

So tired. I'll keep with it, but my head is so fast and cluttered sometimes I can't imagine quiet (I can't imagine quiet, I can't imagine..)

thanks for listening,

m

ps- sorry for making two posts in a row, but I wanted to reply to people separately from my whining rant.