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Inducing vomiting instead of cutting


MiaB

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I'm sorry to hear this; you don't need another dysfunctional coping mechanism besides picking or cutting.  If you value your teeth and your looks. I knew a girl once who was 17 and had false teeth from vomiting. The acid eats your teeth away. So, maybe let your vanity take over?

(P.S. I'm a chronic picker, just so you know I'm not coming from a hypocritical place. And what I do to myself can be life threatening..)

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Skittle, take this seriously.  You may not see it as an eating disorder, but a rose is a rose.  Bulimia doesn't just rot your teeth, it can destroy your esophagus and the rest of your digestive system, and if you do it more (which you will if you continue) you can do way worse to your body, to say nothing of your mind.

Purging for the relief of the physical feeling is like cutting, according to the bulimics I know who also do SI.  I've only purged indirectly (excessive exercise, that sort of thing) and am in an eating disorder group.  Most of our members are bulimics, and the suffering it causes really woke me up to the need to get better.  Does your tdoc have experience dealing with SI?  Eating disorders?  Can you get to an ED group?  Whoever's treating you  needs to know about this, because it's an important psychological and psychiatric symptom.

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Dear Skittle,

As a cutter and burner (and more than 10 years older than you) it is my opinion that the vomiting is a form of SI and should be addressed. I don't think it matters that it is or is not bulimia. It's bad.

Your pdoc is not being helpful if she throws your age at you as a reason not to engage in self destructive behavior. (I got this from a previous pdoc of mine. It made me feel much worse.) Your struggles are your struggles, whatever your age. If SI makes us feel better temporarily, that is why we do it. The goal is to find other, healthier, ways to feel better.

The first step towards being able to cope without SI is to have your feelings validated. This is not permission to injure yourself, because believe me I do not have that from my docs, but it is the beginning of accepting your feelings. Then you can learn better ways to deal with them.

One's meds have to be right too. Maybe you need a change, if only temporarily.

You don't deserve the kind of punishment you are dealing to yourself. If your pdoc can't take a less parental posture with you, get another one. Being firm with someone about making a commitment not to hurt themselves, and lecturing them are two different things.

Let us know how it goes.

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I've actually done the same thing.  Not regularly, but apparently as self-punishment instead of cutting.  I also don't eat for long periods of time - at least it is something I can control as well (unlike sleeping, or seemingly anything else lately).  I know it's bad - but everything seems like trying to pick the lesser of the the two evils - cutting or purging (or starving in my case).  Because, I know when I get in that mood, I am going to do something.

Sorry, I didn't mean to hijack your thread Skittle.  but I just wanted you to know that I understand where you're coming from.

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I agree it's not bulimia. For me, it's always been mixed up in the horrible and very real stomach problems I've had over the years due to severe anxiety problems. Like, vomiting-blood bad. I've induced vomiting before, in a way I can see it as an SI sort of behaviour! Although I'd never thought of it quite like that before. It was more like the badness would build up inside me, and my stomach hurt so bad, that if I couldn't spontaneously vomit, I'd force it out. Like, sticking my fingers down my throat if i had to. I'd puke and puke until there was nothing left, and blood would come out where my esophagus was rupturing.

Hmm. for me, it's all mixed up with not-going to school feelings....i've been awfully agoraphobic since i was twelve. And if you're sick, you can't go to school, right? And the nausea was already there from being terrified and panicked because I couldn't. couldn't. go to school. no no no. Why? i don't know.

I've never actually talked about this before.

I would sit and think about ways I could harm or incapacitate myself to avoid school. I would sit and think for long periods of time, sweating and shaking and in a panic. Vomiting was the easiest way.

It's not bulimia though. It's really not.

I think I'm going to go sit and think about what a sick puppy i am for a while. i hate unexpected revelations.

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