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:) Hi everyone lately i been feeling crappy, I mean I am just lonely i guess, since having dep/anxst, i dont go far from home, although i do have a car, but where is there to go?.. I dont work see nobody alot in the week, Today im just fed up of life. Things stink.. ^_^ all the hard basket...I get so tired of living with this bloody disorder , it wares me out. I try to drive end up stressed spinning and just more exahusted whats the friggn point?, The world views me as a freak im sure....My only friend atm real one is doing a freak out on me, its like i rely base my own happiness on others being happy. God dammit why is everything so harddddddddddddddddd! i feel like im in a twilight land hard to focus. I would have more fun in a friggn Psych ward than here Thanks for the Rant.. ;):)
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Sounds like things suck right now for you, I really hope you can find something to distract yourself from these thoughts. They go round and round in your head sometimes, don't they?

Who cares how the world sees you. They can go boil their heads if they don't like it! ;)

Staying home most of the time is fine if it's by choice, but if you feel you can't go out it's a different ball-game. Some people are just happy with their own company, but it sounds like you're getting restless. Do you have any hobbies/interests that you could make an effort to involve yourself in? Even if it's just catching up on reading, or baking cakes... something different from the old routine can help. Easier said than done sometimes, but worth thinking about.

Sorry I haven't more to give right now... bit tired tbh. *goes to get another coffee*

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Ah, welcome to the feeling crappy club. I'm in that spot too.

its like i rely base my own happiness on others being happy.

That line worries me a little. It's great to wish happiness for those around you. But you'll probably have an easier time about things if you can find your own happiness instead of basing it on those around you. Also, it helps you have more healthy friendships (if that's something you desire).

Have you ever seen a therapist? Working out some of your feelings on that (and other) issue(s) could help with making things a little easier for you.

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Hey, I used to do that too. I would want others to be happy, Id do more work, and sometimes Id inconvience myself in the process. 1st No one can make everyone happy, its impossible and your probably tiring from trying so hard to do it. I did things for myself. Id read a book after class, that made me happy, it was a good book. I wenr with my friend to a dunk tank fundraiser, and Im glad I did. Seeing my science teacher get dunked was hilairious. What I do is find joy in experiencing things normally I wouldnt do. I say if I go home on the left path, Ill try the right every now and again. You might have cought yourself in that cycle too. Try new things, and it doesnt matter if your alone. I was alone, I went to philosophy club this year as a freshman. I love it, although I am the only freshman there. Newsday had an interview with our philosophy club. I was quoted in newdays for my belief why students should take philosophy at an early age. I have never been quoted. It made me happy to do something for myself. Im saying making yourself happy will make others happy. So forget about pleasing everyone, you can try beening a happy pleasant person, and that way your nice to others and happy. And friends, you MUST be willing to put yourself out. Friends are like flowers. Some may die off but new ones bloom in their place, and all we have to do is cherish them and our love will be returned. I cant say Im the great friend, I try very hard because my friends are my world. They make me smile and laugh when normally my problems stop me. They are all great people although at times they can be crappy friends, but all the same I wont trade them for anything in the world. And making friends can be hard, but its the hard things that are rewarding. But it gets easier, you learn people judge but why care, when you make a friend you are asking the person to accept my craziness and I will join you with yours. I put birth control in people's shopping carts when they arent looking, and once to a guy who went up to the register who couldnt explain it. My friend asked me to watch as she sang to random people at the mall. Crazy maybe, but my friends are the greatest crazy people I know.

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"When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?""

And you'll most likely get an answer based on their personal experience.

Hang in there, basketcase... you can't please everyone all the time, so I stopped trying. I now try to focus on myself and what I need to make it through the day, sometimes minute by minute. We're here to help you!

;)

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Hiya basketcase,

Sorry to hear you're feeling crappy. It's no bloody fun, is it?

I completely understand about the whole "wanting to make other people happy" thing. I did that for years and years. Eventually, I realised that it was making me ill, because I'd agree to do things when I was feeling high, and then when the high wore off, I wondered why the hell I'd agreed to it, but was unable to say "i can't do this right now because I feel shitty". I've since learned to say "no" when I need to. I don't over-tax myself anymore when it comes to social engagements. My friends are understanding when I say, "I can't let you know now whether I'll be up for coming out with you, but I'd like to very much, I just need to see how my mood is at the time". It's hard to do, but you do have to learn to prioritise yourself and how you are feeling. It does make you feel like Mrs. Selfish and self-centered, but when you live with a mood disorder, you do have to take yourself into account more than you perhaps would do.

Like Maz said..."if the world views you as a freak, they can go boil their heads". How other people see me doesn't matter a stuff to me anymore. It's how I see myself that is more important and how those who love and care for me see me. But even that is less important than how I feel about myself now. It's been a hard lesson to learn, but I'm well on the way to being able to implement it now.

Is there anywhere near where you live where you can go and walk? Like a park, or a woodland or something? Maybe visit a zoo and just wander round looking at the animals? You can therefore be around other people without having to interact with them unless you want to and it is getting out of the house and connecting with the world again, even if only in a small way.

Psych ward? Not much fun. My mum was in one (albeit about 20 years ago) and it was truly horrible. Everyone was shoved in together, no matter what the nature of their illness. Some were violent, others really withdrawn, which meant that the violent and aggressive ones tended to pick on those who were quieter, it didn't seem conducive to getting better, to my mind. And the nursing staff? Let's not go there, apart from to say that they clearly didn't give a shit about any of their patients. I'm sure things have changed a lot though (at least I hope they have).

I do hope you start to feel better soon. Do you have a pdoc or tdoc to talk to? I'm not sure what medication you are currently on. Maybe that needs a tweak? Don't continue to suffer. Get some professional help and keep us posted. Do keep chatting to us all here, I know from personal experience how invaluable the support of the wonderful people on this forum is.

Hugs

LW

x

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