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Hi from Jarn!

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I just wanted to properly introduce myself though I've posted a bit in the anti-psychotic section.

Ummm....so....3 years ago? Somewhere around 26, 27. I was having trouble dealing with a rape (ex-boyfriend) and just in general - I'd had problems with depression for years - and my gp prescribed me celexa.

Within the first day I had started to trigger up - I'm not sure if my first episode was hypomanic or manic, but I burned through pretty well all my money (oops!), was riskier in my behaviours, and in general....the universe was open to me and inside my head and I could enter into it at any point. I became very irritable at anyone who entered my personal space, and started to become more paranoid and well as detach from my body. I was already a cutter and during this period I cut more, partially as a way to calm myself down.

I got taken off Celexa after a couple of weeks, b/c my doctor said 'you're bipolar' and she set up an appointment with a psychopharmacologist. Took a couple of months, and was diagnosed as bipolar II and borderline. I started on Lamotrigine, got a rash (not THE rash) at my first titer up and was taken off it immediately. Went onto lithium, which worked kind of, so that I wasn't stable but was stable enough to function. I had a couple of paranoid episodes - could've been worse, but they weren't good either - while on lithium. I was seen by an early intervention for psychosis team and dx'd as having psychotic symptoms, but not being psychotic, b/c I retained some grasp of reality.

Which I find a strange thing - for instance, the one episode - I really did think that my friends were plotting against me. I couldn't talk to them b/c it wasn't safe, and b/c I knew it would allow them to get at me. But, I did also know that I was being paranoid. It's funny though, this was almost 2 years ago and while I'm friends with some of those people still, and I know they weren't plotting against me, now, I still....it's like I can't fully trust them. I can, but I can't, on some level, sometimes.

The lithium made me hypothyroid very quickly, so I had to take meds for that and they gave me a rash too. After about 9 months on lithium, I got annoyed at my gp, so I went off all of my meds in a fit of pique.

....at least my thyroid went back to normal.

I had requested a few months earlier another appointment with the psych b/c I didn't think I was borderline. I ended up getting seen by a regular psychiatrist and another psychopharmacologist. By that point, I had been triggered up for a while and I was immediately put on Seroquel by both (they communicated). I was dx'd as being Bipolar I with a need to rule out Schiztoaffective (Bipolar Affective Disorder, Manic with Psychotic Features, Rule out Schiztoaffective).

I've always been a bit paranoid - somewhere around 7 or 8 years old I started to think that people could see into my head from the back and see what I was thinking, and that they could insert themselves into my brain and control me, which I still have, so when I'm having my moments, I tend to think people are against me and I have to keep my back to the wall or away from people to protect myself. Sometimes I hear voices, but I can't tell what they're saying, sometimes they're soft and other times they're loud and angry but I can't hear the words. They really bother me.

Lately I've been going through a med change - my fault for playing around with my Seroquel dose, and destabilizing myself. I started to trigger up and had problems b/c I thought there were people outside my house at night watching me and waiting to break in to hurt me, started to have more OCD-ish behaviours, etc, etc. I tried going off of Seroquel and on to Ziprasidone but couldn't handle it, so I am back on a low dose of Seroquel (400mg) and I see my gp Thursday to discuss adding mood stabilizers - maybe pregabalin.

I do want to stabilize - right now my bf says he never knows who he's going to get. Also, I've recently burned through all of our vacation money ($3000) and more in a few weeks, so I want to stablize to try and save up at least some before our vacations though I won't be able to replace the full amount ;)

And I guess that's me! Hi!

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Thanks Phoenix.

I could probably use the support right now. I'm scared my bf - he's so supportive, but he says that lately he feels like he doesn't know who he's going to get and that sometimes he has to walk on eggshells and I don't mean to be like that, I try to be as normal as possible. I guess I feel comfortable with him though so I don't worry about hiding as much.

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Thanks Tryp! I've already gotten great info here ;)

And I spoke to my bf last night and apologized for being so all over the place - I knew I was a bit, but I didn't think I was as bad as how he's feeling I am....he said not to worry that we'd sort it out. So that made me feel better too.

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Hi Jarn!

Welcome to CB.

I'm glad you found us.

We have blogs if you want to start one, that's a good way to get to know some of our members. Or we also have a chat room where some people just hang out.

Hope the meds start to stabilize soon.

Feel free to use the search in our med boards to look up questions about those.

OR PM any of the mods or admins if you have any questions or need anything.


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Welcome to Crazyboards Jarn. I've been absent due to being mad as a mongoose for a short while, but I'm back now.

This place and the people here were an absolutely lifeline for me towards the end of last year. There are so many very knowledgeable people here who give great advice and support. It's absolutely the best forum for us crazies that I have found on the internet...bar none! ;):):)


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