jarn Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I just wanted to properly introduce myself though I've posted a bit in the anti-psychotic section. Ummm....so....3 years ago? Somewhere around 26, 27. I was having trouble dealing with a rape (ex-boyfriend) and just in general - I'd had problems with depression for years - and my gp prescribed me celexa. Within the first day I had started to trigger up - I'm not sure if my first episode was hypomanic or manic, but I burned through pretty well all my money (oops!), was riskier in my behaviours, and in general....the universe was open to me and inside my head and I could enter into it at any point. I became very irritable at anyone who entered my personal space, and started to become more paranoid and well as detach from my body. I was already a cutter and during this period I cut more, partially as a way to calm myself down. I got taken off Celexa after a couple of weeks, b/c my doctor said 'you're bipolar' and she set up an appointment with a psychopharmacologist. Took a couple of months, and was diagnosed as bipolar II and borderline. I started on Lamotrigine, got a rash (not THE rash) at my first titer up and was taken off it immediately. Went onto lithium, which worked kind of, so that I wasn't stable but was stable enough to function. I had a couple of paranoid episodes - could've been worse, but they weren't good either - while on lithium. I was seen by an early intervention for psychosis team and dx'd as having psychotic symptoms, but not being psychotic, b/c I retained some grasp of reality. Which I find a strange thing - for instance, the one episode - I really did think that my friends were plotting against me. I couldn't talk to them b/c it wasn't safe, and b/c I knew it would allow them to get at me. But, I did also know that I was being paranoid. It's funny though, this was almost 2 years ago and while I'm friends with some of those people still, and I know they weren't plotting against me, now, I still....it's like I can't fully trust them. I can, but I can't, on some level, sometimes. The lithium made me hypothyroid very quickly, so I had to take meds for that and they gave me a rash too. After about 9 months on lithium, I got annoyed at my gp, so I went off all of my meds in a fit of pique. ....at least my thyroid went back to normal. I had requested a few months earlier another appointment with the psych b/c I didn't think I was borderline. I ended up getting seen by a regular psychiatrist and another psychopharmacologist. By that point, I had been triggered up for a while and I was immediately put on Seroquel by both (they communicated). I was dx'd as being Bipolar I with a need to rule out Schiztoaffective (Bipolar Affective Disorder, Manic with Psychotic Features, Rule out Schiztoaffective). I've always been a bit paranoid - somewhere around 7 or 8 years old I started to think that people could see into my head from the back and see what I was thinking, and that they could insert themselves into my brain and control me, which I still have, so when I'm having my moments, I tend to think people are against me and I have to keep my back to the wall or away from people to protect myself. Sometimes I hear voices, but I can't tell what they're saying, sometimes they're soft and other times they're loud and angry but I can't hear the words. They really bother me. Lately I've been going through a med change - my fault for playing around with my Seroquel dose, and destabilizing myself. I started to trigger up and had problems b/c I thought there were people outside my house at night watching me and waiting to break in to hurt me, started to have more OCD-ish behaviours, etc, etc. I tried going off of Seroquel and on to Ziprasidone but couldn't handle it, so I am back on a low dose of Seroquel (400mg) and I see my gp Thursday to discuss adding mood stabilizers - maybe pregabalin. I do want to stabilize - right now my bf says he never knows who he's going to get. Also, I've recently burned through all of our vacation money ($3000) and more in a few weeks, so I want to stablize to try and save up at least some before our vacations though I won't be able to replace the full amount And I guess that's me! Hi! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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