tenthdoctor Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 So it's great for...parsing. Cognitive fine-tuning. I can go "Oh that's OCD" when before it was more nebulous. I'm diagnosing left and right, connecting dots, etc. Laying it all out my head is so CLEAR I can finally do that, I can finally say ok that's me and that's the OCD. That's me and that's depression. That's me and that's PSTD. That's me and that's PMDD. But I'll be fucked sideways with a baseball bat if I have Any Idea How To Solve These Problems. I just want to feel SAFE again, damnit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancesintherain Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 if I understand you correctly, you're saying that you can identify the symptoms/patterns of behaviors/thoughts (which is good), but you don't know what to do with them? are you in therapy to help with this? some people find CBT really helpful, others go the more traditional talk therapy route, but in either way, that's a large part of the goal...helping to get you out of the mess. you put "zoloft woes" in the title--what's the situation with that? do you feel no relief? or only partial relief? if either, do you have a pdoc appointment coming up? sorry for twenty questions...I was just trying to get a better sense of what's going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tenthdoctor Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 I've done CBT before but currently I have no therapist, no insurance. I see a GP every so often to tweak dosages but I'm not seeing him again till June-ish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancesintherain Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 If you're interested in therapy, some places do reduced cost services for low-income/non-insured people. It might be worth exploring? as far as drugs are concerned, it sounds like you're saying that you're not feeling anything better on zoloft? (why it's posted here rather than elsewhere) can you call the GP for an earlier appointment or to talk about options over the phone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tryp Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Hey, I'm sorry things are frustrating right now. I sort of felt like that at the beginning stages of therapy - I'm good at figuring out what's going on in my head and making those connections and everything, but I had no idea how to translate that into feeling better. Have you thought about trying to work through a workbook? Things like that can help if you're very motivated and able to handle the pressure of working through stuff on your own. Lots of people here seem to like The OCD Workbook, for instance, though I don't have any personal experience with it. I worked through The Feeling Good Handbook on my own for a while - it was good for some things. I didn't like it overall, but some parts of it were useful, especially when I didn't have a therapist at the time. Have you looked into low cost sources of therapy? Sometimes universities have clinics that are low-cost because they use them to train students. And some therapist offer sliding scale. Unless I'm totally wrong, it sounds like you don't really have anyone keeping an eye on your MI stuff - no therapist, no pdoc. Would it be possible for you to somehow find a low-cost way to get at least one of those on board? I'm sure you know that generally meds can only take you so far. They're great and all, but therapy is also great if you can find a way to financially swing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tenthdoctor Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 When I had low-income therapy before it was because of a grant. Only paid for 4 sessions. My current work puts me over the income limit. The university only treats students...that's where I had therapy before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSA Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 When I had low-income therapy before it was because of a grant. Only paid for 4 sessions. My current work puts me over the income limit. The university only treats students...that's where I had therapy before. Most large churches have a psych dept / pastor team and can plug you in to pdocs and GP's in the church. They are more than happy to help - I understand frustration but talking like this really gets you no where. "Help me" is a much more respectful post - which is what I think you are really asking for. I responded because of that - but am offended at the language. No need for it. I hope you find some help. I'll be praying.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tryp Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 SSA, swearing IS allowed here. So is venting and complaining and pissing and moaning and anything else that helps us survive the hell that is mental illness. I don't think Ten was at all out of line. Actually, I think being fucked sideways with a baseball bat is a pretty eloquent way of putting it. Also, not everyone here is religious, so it's important to be careful about assumptions like that, in my opinion. I don't know if Ten is or not, but not everyone here feels comfortable going to the church for help. If you know that Ten is religious, I apologize and take this back, but if not, Ten might not be comfortable with that particular source of help. I think the tone of your post was a little unfortunate. Most particularly, I don't think it was very respectful, or very mindful of the general tone and practices of our community here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSA Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 SSA, swearing IS allowed here. So is venting and complaining and pissing and moaning and anything else that helps us survive the hell that is mental illness. I don't think Ten was at all out of line. Actually, I think being fucked sideways with a baseball bat is a pretty eloquent way of putting it. Also, not everyone here is religious, so it's important to be careful about assumptions like that, in my opinion. I don't know if Ten is or not, but not everyone here feels comfortable going to the church for help. If you know that Ten is religious, I apologize and take this back, but if not, Ten might not be comfortable with that particular source of help. I think the tone of your post was a little unfortunate. Most particularly, I don't think it was very respectful, or very mindful of the general tone and practices of our community here. Nobody has to 'be' religious to ask for help - I didn't make any assumption - just suggested a means of seaking needed treatment and shared how I felt about the 'cry' for help. Regardless of my personal religious belief - our definition of 'eloquent' is very obviously different - which is fine. As far as being comfortable - not everyone feels comfortable going to therapy sometimes no matter who is sponsoring it. If we want to live a somewhat normal life and we post a cry for help I would think we are welcoming to all suggestions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tryp Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 SSA, I can't speak for Ten, but as someone who is not religious, I would be extremely uncomfortable asking for help from any church. However, there are certainly ways to make that suggestion that would not be offensive. Generally they would not include chiding people for swearing (which is very normal and common in this community) or for expressing frustration. In my opinion, your response came off as condescending, which is why I responded. Let's keep this about Ten - if you feel like telling me off , feel free to PM me, though I'd really rather not make a big deal out of it Ten, I'm still wondering if sliding-scale therapy might be an option for you. If you've only been on the Zoloft for a little while, things might continue to improve. Alternatively, if you're really having issues, call your GP and ask for a sooner appointment. There are certainly other medication options, or options of adding another medication to supplement the Zoloft. I'm having luck with Seroquel for my anxiety issues. Obviously medication + therapy is the gold standard, as I'm sure you know, but if you can't manage it, you can't manage it. At the very least, it might be worth another conversation with the GP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celestia Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Ten, I think a lot of us spend time in a "stall" because we are stablizing or stable on meds but have no therapist to figure out what the fuck is going on to cause all the symptoms. I can empathize. It fucking sucks. And yes, I am compelled to say fuck fuck fuck fuck. he he. Anyone offended by FUCK might be in the wrong internet looney bin. Seriously though, have you tried community health centers or call your local MH/MR? If you were income eligible before, and you are not making substantially more money, you might be qualified for some sliding scale therapy depending on where you live and what's availle,,able. Are you getting your psych meds from a gp? Looking for a therapist or a psychiatrist can be really hard. Especially when you're broke an not completely stable. And if you WERE completely stable, you wouldn't be looking in the first place. It's a fucking conundrum for sure. In the meantime, feel free to vent away here. Sometimes Crazyboards is all any of us have, for one reason or another. Yeah, fucked sideways with a baseball bat. I know that place and it sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I understand frustration but talking like this really gets you no where. "Help me" is a much more respectful post - which is what I think you are really asking for. I responded because of that - but am offended at the language. No need for it. I hope you find some help. I'll be praying.... SSA, I don't think you have read our rules. Here is part of the first 3 paragraphs: This isn't your usual support site. Frankly, we think most of the so-called support sites out there suck. That's why we have our own. You won't find that your every post is responded to with feigned warm fuzziness and cyberhugs. Frankly, we think cyberhugs suck. A lot of other sites place great importance on making sure people are not offended or "triggered." We don't. With reasonable exceptions such as the PTSD board, we don't do a lot of walking on eggshells around here. Everyone is encouraged to say what they need to say and not worry about what effect it may have on others. We do have a trigger warning feature which people are free to use if they so desire, but its use is not required. Our members do not want to be remonstrated for the language they use. Around here, we feel like we've been fucked, or we feel like we've been sucking donkey balls, or we feel like we've been screwed, blewed and tattooed. If you've got a problem with that, you don't belong here. And please don't offer to pray for people if they don't ask for your prayers. This is not a religious site, and many of our members have been abused by so-called "Christians." It is unwelcome and condescending to say you will pray for someone who hasn't requested that. Please read our rules before posting again. ***************************************** Back to our regular programming: Ten, have you checked with your local Dept. of Mental Health or Dept. of Human Services to see if they have counselors who work on a sliding scale? I know our County Human Services people offer that service. Hang in there---we all know how hard this all is. olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tenthdoctor Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 OH boy. I don't know where to start. 1. SO not religious. Me and diety are NOT on good speaking terms right now, and the OCD has always put a cramp in my "thoughts and prayers have real results" circuit - I have UNwanted thoughts that I don't want coming true, damnit. 2. I fucking swear, SSA. Get the hell over it. You want me to respect? It's a two way street, kiddo. Your "I'll be praying for you" comment is incredibly disrespectful, as I don't believe in your god and I don't want to be "saved" by it either. 3. I'm well aware that this is a pointless thought pattern. Guess what? I'm MI, so there's PLENTY more pointless thought where that came from. Also, I think it's more useful to vent once and get it out than to let it fester inside for Rassilon knows HOW long. 4. When I had the therapist...oh. No income, so we qualified for free help. Now we have temporary income. I'm hoping that my next job will have benefits or at least pay enough to let me splash out on some sliding scale therapy sessions...but right now, everything is in limbo. Our state is also looking into cutting the mental health services budget, so what little there was will be even less. 5. I have the OCD workbook. The thing is, there is nothing in there to address the issue of how to deal with a non-stop, uncontrolled Exposure situation. There's no manual for how to decontaminate the entire fucking atmosphere. I'm in a "Flooding" scenario but there's no safe word, there's no therapist to talk me through, I'm fucking scared and lost and there's no end in sight. Where is the map? I almost wish I'd gone on Anafranil instead, it's supposed to be the great-granddaddy OCD Killer. Shame my thyroid condition contraindicates it :/ 6. I'm really grateful to everyone who's tried to help or offered suggestions, really I am. I'm going to plug away at the job search and look for an OCD specialist in the area. Crap, I don't even know if there are any! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tryp Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I'm sorry, Ten. That sounds really rough. How long have you been on the Zoloft again? Since you really can't see a therapist right now, how about calling your GP and asking for a sooner appointment? Is that affordable for you? Lots of people here (including me) have gotten good results with anxiety from augmenting with the atypical antipsychotics (Seroquel, Risperdal, etc) - that's just the option that pops into my mind - and since therapy isn't an option, how about more/different medication? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tenthdoctor Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 I have been on the Zoloft since...mm...early February. We were aiming for 3 solid months and a followup. But I think I will go in at 8 weeks. That would be...first week of May, long enough for a fair trial yes? He wanted to put me on Effexor. I said hell no even though it LOOKS like a dream on the label - more noradrenaline, more dopamine, more serotonin, HELL YES, but I have heard so many horror stories about it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tryp Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I'd say that sounds like a fair trial. Hopefully at that point your GP will be able to think of something helpful to try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celestia Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 He wanted to put me on Effexor. I said hell no even though it LOOKS like a dream on the label - more noradrenaline, more dopamine, more serotonin, HELL YES, but I have heard so many horror stories about it...Effexor was an awesome AD for me for a loooooooooooong time. I'm not bipolar and I know it doesn't play well for some people with biplolar disorders. It kicked my depressions ass for years. The worst thing about Effexor is the w/d if you stop suddenly or forget to take it. Brain zaps were the thing that got me and I'd know I had forgotten to take my meds. When I went off Effexor (it eventually did poop on me) I tapered slowly and also titrated Prozac with an overlap of about a week or two and I had no discomfort AT ALL. Slow, safe, medically supervised tapering seems to be the most common suggestion to avoid anything horrible. I know what you mean about "flooding." I had not heard that term in a long time. I started my trauma recovery a very long time ago, but I remember my therapist at the time explaining that to me. Not that knowing what was happening made it easier to deal with, but having a name for it was a start to having some control. I had to adapt some "grounding" behaviors to sooth myself when flooding and/or flashbacks would overwhelm me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
effing joe Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 SSA, swearing IS allowed here. So is venting and complaining and pissing and moaning and anything else that helps us survive the hell that is mental illness. I don't think Ten was at all out of line. Actually, I think being fucked sideways with a baseball bat is a pretty eloquent way of putting it. Also, not everyone here is religious, so it's important to be careful about assumptions like that, in my opinion. I don't know if Ten is or not, but not everyone here feels comfortable going to the church for help. If you know that Ten is religious, I apologize and take this back, but if not, Ten might not be comfortable with that particular source of help. I think the tone of your post was a little unfortunate. Most particularly, I don't think it was very respectful, or very mindful of the general tone and practices of our community here. Nobody has to 'be' religious to ask for help - I didn't make any assumption - just suggested a means of seaking needed treatment and shared how I felt about the 'cry' for help. Regardless of my personal religious belief - our definition of 'eloquent' is very obviously different - which is fine. As far as being comfortable - not everyone feels comfortable going to therapy sometimes no matter who is sponsoring it. If we want to live a somewhat normal life and we post a cry for help I would think we are welcoming to all suggestions. It's seeking, not seaking. But SeaKing makes kickass motorboats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tenthdoctor Posted April 22, 2009 Author Share Posted April 22, 2009 It's seeking, not seaking. But SeaKing makes kickass motorboats. And SeaKing is also a Pokemon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tryp Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 It's seeking, not seaking. But SeaKing makes kickass motorboats. And SeaKing is also a Pokemon! I was just thinking that, but I thought it was too nerdy to say. [Played Pokemon Red, Blue, Yellow, Silver, Gold, and Pearl] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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