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Once, Twice, Three times a crazy!

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So I've started cutting, burning and vomiting again.

I was going through some art supplies a few days ago and found a treasured set of scalpels...very sharp.  Things have been absolutely insane these past eight weeks and I just fell into temptation.  I cut my arms up to shit and I'm having to wear long sleeved shirts under my short sleeve shirts.  People think I'm crazy for doing this in 90 degree heat...but then again I'm crazy anyway.

A long time ago, someone was nice enough to burn me with cigarettes and other things.  I have a few permanent scars, nothing dramatic though.  I've started smoking again and I started burning myself for no reason whatsoever.  Maybe it was the rush or trying to forget (or relive) those demons.  It really didn't hurt much.

As far as the vomiting goes, I've been binging lately and well, throwing it all up is easier than excessive excercise.

The cutting reminds me of two summers ago when I punched out the side window of my car, broke my hand and ripped up my right arm from my fingers to my elbow.  I eventually went to the hospital and got the whole thing bandaged and treated.  They were going to call the police but I begged them out of it.

Surprisingly it didn't hurt at all.  Not even my broken hand.


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Julian, sorry I don't know what to say as I haven't self-harmed or purged before but it definitely sounds like an emergency call to your pdoc or even a trip to the hospital would be in order.  Please don't hurt yourself any more, you are in enough pain already.  If I understand correctly the thinking behind self-harm is to relieve the unbearable pain you are already in?  Let a professional help.  Doctors shouldn't self-treat and neither should patients or something along those lines.  Keep posting, maybe getting some of your pain out by writing will help you as it does me.  (I am in no way pretending to know what you are going through, everyone has there own special hell that they try to live with).  Take care of yourself, Sulu

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