Jump to content

Please share! I know I am not the only one with asshole families

Registered Nut

Recommended Posts

Oh, you certainly aren't alone ... here's a recent story from my sucky family ...

Both of my Dad's parents have passed away - my grandmother 5ish years ago and my grandfather almost exactly a year ago. Now, I love my father. I have been blessed to have my father. I have no idea how he possibly came from the horrible people that were my grandparents. I also have my grandmother to thank for my depression - she passed it on to my father and thus to me, and I was the first generation to ever seek treatment (btw, after I did, my dad finally did years later, but that's another story)

So, anyway, crappy people that they were, my grandparents intentionally created their wills to be extremely unequal, leaving my aunts and one uncle houses and land and money and leaving my dad a small lot with a falling down garage that isn't really worth the taxes that he has to pay on it. Past that, there were just a few other belongings and the proceeds of the estate sale that were supposed to be split equally. It would have at least helped my dad to pay to get "his" land cleaned up enough to sell it, or whatever. However, my aunts, heinous bitches that they are, feel that they should not share anything from the estate. They have concealed belongings, hidden money, stalled on finishing the legalities, you name it. At this point, I really can't be involved because my dad does not want to be as confrontational with them as I would be and I am trying to respect his wishes. However, I just want them to close the estate already because I think that once they do, my father will stop having any contact with them and he will then be able to start to heal. I hate them for what they are doing to him. I'm jealous of my sister because she's getting married this summer, so she gets to not invite them. They have said horrible, ugly things to my father, yet until recently I was still getting email forwards from one of them full of things she's praying for and inspirational devotional stories and other hypocritical shit (I don't get them anymore - I reported her email address as spam.)

Anyway, that was a long-ass post, but opening up the family can of worms tends to do that, I guess. My point today really is just that it's bad enough when people die - don't be an asshole to those that are left around you. Is that too much?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I advised my mom to discontinue contact with her terrible excuses for parents. At the time I suggested that my mom cut off contact, they were old.

Her mother and father severely abused her. I told her that she owed them NOTHING. My grandmother would run down other family members, including me. I explained to my mom that her mom talked badly about me to hurt HER (not me). My grandmother would never say these things to my face, but would tell my mother what she thought.

So, when these people went into nursing home care, toward the end of their lives, we didn't visit them. Other family who were't *in the know* about the major abuse that was infliced on my mother when she was a child, "tried" to judge us for that. But that was their issue, not ours. They were just ignorant about the abuse. If they'd known, perhaps they would have understood.

My mom was happier/calmer when she no longer kept in touch with her parents. Being around them made my mom stressed, which only aggravated her MI.

Surprisingly, I used to feel bad about not being involved with them. But I was young. I did visit them for a time as a young adult. But I realized that they only talked badly about others who weren't around at the time, so they surely did this to me too once I left. My mother confirmed this (see above). Once I learned what crappy people they were, how their upbrining of my mom had helped screwed up my mom's life, I then wanted NOTHING to do with them either.

I've come to terms with this. They are gone. Anger at them only hurts me. I did want to share why we did as we did ... to perhaps help someone else.

What I've learned... There is no rule that anyone has to remain in contact with people who don't know how to love or how to show it. *Family* may be where we get out genes and upbrining (whether good or bad), but there's no legal requirement to remain in touch with those who have caused us great pain while we were vulnerable children.



edited for content and spelling

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow spork and Jillista,

It is amazing. The people that are supposed to love us the most are the ones that often are the worst! spork mentioned that your mom was much calmer when she stayed away from her parents. That is exactly what I need to do, I think I might have had one less year of therapy to get better after being diagnosed with borderline personality and major severe depression, which I had depression off and on since 15, but this was BAD.

Since I became sick about 3 + years ago, my family has treated me like total sh*t except for my oldest son that surprisingly has listened to me and been amazingly supportive, except he and everyone in my family blame me for my dad's bad treatment of me. He is such a backstabber and is on the phone constantly running me in the ground. Making up things about me and really exaggerating things.

If I can get a job that I can handle now, that I am better, I am holding on to every cent to get out of here. My sister refused to let me stay with her because "it might ruin her marriage and it would not be safe (???) for me to be around her 10 year old son". Bullshit!!! She has been my worst enemy through this whole thing, yet somehow because she took me to the hospital a couple of times and went to a class on BPD this whole family praises her for doing wonderful things for me. However she has never been there for me when I really needed someone with some sense to talk to, and for a few months did not speak to me at all. My therapist asked me why I would even bother talking to her.

Problem is, she sides with my dad and hates the fact that he has let me live here and helped me financially. Now he has decided not to help me anymore, when those 2 talk, he is very hostile towards me for a few days. Actually he is very hostile to me lately for reasons I cannot figure out. I took him with me to my therapist and she just was flabbergasted at how unreceptive and difficult he was. He did not listen to her nor answer her questions.

So I give up on trying to get along with him. When I can get the hell out of here, he will not have to worry about me talking to me ever again. He has really burned the bridges with me. I need to not talk to the rest of the family about anything to do with him, since they side with him anyway. He is getting senile and makes no sense half the time. I really feel hatred towards him a lot.

I have, in the past, told him I appreciated so much his helping me through my crisis but he thinks if it is not money in his hand, I don't mean it. And I have give him money when I could.

All the therapists I have talked to have said that this is a very toxic situation and I should get out as soon as possible. I have really tried, believe me. I have posted all about this for the last couple of years. Some people here also believe I have not tried hard to get out of the situation. I have been able to return to my career because of my MI, but I am hoping that now, my next job will be more manageable for me.

Sorry for the long post. I have tons of anger and frustration here obviously.

Families can really damage people for life. I think it is the way I was treated as a child by him has helped to cause my MI. Definitely.

The nightmare stories since I have been at this house go on and on. I am trying my best to not dwell on past hurts and deal with each one or get away from the situation.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

My dad is out of my life and not welcome back. So's my uncle. My reasons would go under the PTSD private forum, if I felt like dredging them out again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My half-brother used to beat me. So badly I had to get a restraining order against him when I was 15.

My parents were complacent in the abuse.

They were complacent in a lot of abuse.

I'm working it out in therapy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...