Gray Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I am an 18 yo male attending a large university in the southeast. I was diagnosed with depression last November although I had been dealing with it for a while before then. I was promptly put on Zoloft 100mg. I was hospitalized for suicide risk in March (therapist freaked-nothing new, just described things a little better). I was there for four days. It sucked. Put me on 150mg Wellbutrin which didn't do much. Left and dropped most of my classes. Upped my dose of Zoloft to 175mg which caused a weird cyclical effect where I would start feeling like shit a couple hours after I took the meds, and eventually start feeling better towards the end of the day. Stopped taking those and upped my dose of Wellbutrin to 300mg. Waiting to see how that works. Reasons for depression? Wish I knew. In my case I think it's almost entirely chemical. I don't have anything to complain about. I'm reasonably good looking, pretty smart, slim, have a great girlfriend, am loved by parents, good friends, but none of that really matters. It's not that I don't enjoy these things -- I do -- it's just that they are only distractions. I see no point to life but to have fun (in the longterm intelligent way) but if I don't have fun why not just kill myself? Yes, I know, given the right combination of meds, I will probably be able to delude and distract myself, but when I am alone I will still know there is no point to anything. I know this because my depression comes in acute episodes, and even when I don't feel awful, I can still see the cold truth. Lately I don't think about suicide for any extended period of time most days, but then something will pop and I feel the urge to end it all. And I see nothing wrong with that. Even when I'm not suicidal. The only reason I haven't done myself in yet, is that I don't want to permanently fuck up my girlfriend up for the rest of her life. Everyone else I'm not too worried about. They'll get over it, and if they can't, that's not my problem. People should be able to get over things that happen to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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