I knew going to George's house party was a bad idea.

[malangelene]

I'm trying to decide if i'm being oversensitive about something i overheard some frends talking about.

They were talking about schizophrenia and people who have it and the medications they take. One remarked something to the effect of: "It's so strange that some of them have to check with other people to make sure that someone or something they see and think is real, actually is."

And a girl in the group said, "I don't see how it's even possible. That stuff sounds just made up, like in the movies. They have to be faking it. How could you not know if someone was real?"

Like in the movies? Faking It?

And then they had a hearty round of laughing about people not taking their meds and going on killing sprees. And they capped it all off with some, "thank god i'm normal."

I hate being disappointed by people i like so i'm trying to think of a reason not to be upset about it but i can still see/hear them laughing about it. Like it's a big joke. I know it isn't rational but it felt like they were laughing at me. I felt so alienated, well, even more so. And these were people i know, one of whom i really respected.

Just when i think i couldn't hate going to parties any more than i already do

[tenthdoctor]

Ouch.

When I run into people like that I think, "I may be crazy, but you're an ass, and at least I can take meds."

[Kablume]

That's a good one TD. Most of them are asses. Hell, my own family doesn't understand MI. As long as I take my meds and keep it under control, everything is good. My brother is living it so I call him.

Anyway, you have to remember these people are relying on the media for their perspective. Sad but true. Try to look at the source. I always want to get on a soapbox when I hear such discrimination. But times are changing somewhat.

[graduation day]

Sorry you had to experience that, and even among friends. Do they know about your illness?

I've been in similar situations, and I find them pretty challenging if the people don't know about my illness. It's like I'm afraid to reveal myself by saying something in defense of people with MI. If the people do know about my illness though, they wouldn't dare say anything like that.

I don't think you were being over sensitive about about it. They were being asses.

[Amy10]

Absolutely, they sound really childish, as well as stupid. Not a pretty combination.

It's a saddening thing to have to deal with, apart from the fact that you have the MI burden to start with.

I may be being a bit fascistic about ignorance re MI, but I often find evidence of the attitudes you describe in people useful in triaging the morons from the possibly worthwhile. This wouldn't necessarily matter if you didn't have an illness, but I reckon it does when you do.

[bluelikejazz]

the 'faking it' girl just sounds like a bit of an airhead.

That must have been really hurtful.

To be totally honest though, when I was in high school i've probably made comments about people who are MI. Describing an irate customer as "Schitzo" or socially laughing at a lame joke. I feel ashamed of it now I've experienced what it's really like, and seen other aspects of it through the eyes of people on here that I really care about.

A couple of months ago when I was really struggling with suicidal ideation, somebody I really respect made a comment "If I lose this game one more time i'm gonna neck myself". They had no idea what I was dealing with, but I felt insecure and I never did tell them how much I was struggling, even though they might have been really supportive.

I think it stems from ignorance more than malice. They would probably be horrified if they realized how much it upset you. Do you think bringing it up with the friend you trust would help?

[malangelene]

Thanks everyone. I often err on the side of assuming whatever reaction i have is wrong (socially anyway, it is usually not what other people would do,) so it is nice to hear other people think they were being jerks.

The Airhead Girl was not the problem so much as the guy i respect(ed.) He works in neuroscience and studied psychiatry. He deals with people who have mental illnesses and works with concepts of chemical misfires and atypically wired brains. I had spoken with him on other occasions about my own issues and diagnoses, including those related to schizophrenia. He knew i was there but probably didn't know i could hear him. but i cannot help thinking that what makes the measure of a person is not what they say when they know someone is listening. So what if i was there or not there? He was all sensitive and thoughtful while speaking to me but all jerk when talking to other people? No. That's wrong.

I felt that pull to get up on my soapbox, at the very least to be able to say, "These things happen to me. You're talking about me." I often feel that pull these days because i notice more of the stigma these days. How is it so socially acceptable to make fun of people with mental illness? I don't exactly understand why it's seen as consistently hilarious and not malicious at all. I get the bare bones of it

[Phoenix_Rising]

malangelene:

First, I'm sorry you had to hear those things. I'm even sorrier that its still making you feel like crap.

I get the bare bones of it

[malangelene]

They likely have no idea they are making you feel bad. They aren't saying it to make you feel bad. They are saying it to make themselves feel more secure. The shitty thing is that they think they need to do that at the expense of people who actually suffer from MI.

hmm. it is actually extremely helpful to hear that. i must have known this but some part of me still felt that it was so on purpose.

you're right. i know you're right. it is mostly ignorance and insecurity, their problem

[reddog]

it was at a party, too. people act differently in different situations. they may all have felt that it was 'appropriate' to react in a light hearted manner, instead of getting serious...because it was a party. also, you didn't say how much they were imbibing or if there were other substances involved. that kind of stuff really lowers inhibitions and trashes judgement, along with teh whole 'going with the group' atmosphere. peer pressure can be really subtle. phD guy may have wanted to get into someone's pants or something, and felt like he had to go along.

me, i'd say something, but i'm an outspoken 44 yr old bitch. i'd have told the one chick "you've never heard of LSD or mushrooms dumbass?"

i hope you're feeling better. that would have been pretty aweful to go through.

[crtclms]

The problem with being MI, is it isn't a visible illness. If you were black, they wouldn't make black jokes in front of you, even if they did behind your back. I am both Jewish (but look like my Scots-Irish grandmother), and MI, and I hear unbelievable things said about Jews, the MI, glbt, and black people, because people assume I am an "insider."

I would definitely confront the neuroscience student. Do it by email, and have a friend you trust read it over before you send it. Or, write it out, and don't send it, that can help too, sometimes. But Email allows you to say what you need to, without getting too emotional. If you seem too emotional in front of him, it gives him the "out" of saying "Oh, she's crazy."

I also call people on it to their face. Most people who know me for any length of time know I am bipolar, because I *want* people to see that a MI person can accomplish things, and also has limitations. But for racist jokes, for example, I'll say, "I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for a white person. A lot of people do, because I look white. Please don't make racist jokes in my presence." I stole the "I look white" line, it really throws them. You could say "I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for a neurotypical person, because I look neurotypical; I actually have a mental illness, and would appreciate it if you didn't make ignorant jokes." Voila. And less confrontational than my little "race" reply.

HTH, a bit. Social things are very tough for me, so I feel for you.

[malangelene]

I tend to be rather open about my mental illness. I got tired of the hypocrisy of having to keep it a secret so that other people can be made to feel more at ease. Also, i stopped lying years ago and people only accept vague answers for so long before they start making up their own much worse guesses about why i haven't slept in over fifty hours or whatever, so i tell the truth