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I'm down the rabbit hole and lost in the dark.


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Let's see the current diagnosis:

Axis I:

PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Panic Disorder w/Agoraphobia

Axis II:

Schizoid Personality Disorder

Axis III:

Chronic Back and Knee Pain. Hypersensitive to medication, currently not medicated. Seroquel and Effexor discontinued do to serious adverse reaction.

Axis IV:

No family, mother died last June, one close friend. Living alone. Early education included several years of special education. Dropped out 7th Grade. Unemployed and currently waiting on date for Social Security hearing for SSI. Currently facing foreclosure and eviction. Dependent on welfare and public medical assistance. Access to firearms and nothing to lose attitude. PTSD triggered by anything medical related or about his late mother.

Axis V:

GAF 21, preoccupation with death.

That's probably close to what the official diagnosis looks like or should look like.

Hmm, doesn't tell you much really. Doesn't tell you about the flashbacks of my mother in ICU screaming day and night for 43 days before she died. Doesn't tell you about the emotional flooding of overwhelming grief and rage. Doesn't tell you about the disassociation that I deal with on a daily basis. Doesn't tell you how I feel anxious, hopeless and how the slightest odd noise has me grabbing my gun. Doesn't tell you about the bouts of word salad, confusion and paranoia. Doesn't tell you how even when I'm panicking and it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest, I just keep going like a robot. Doesn't tell how I barely get any sleep and sometime stay up for days at a time. Doesn't tell you I'm barely holding on to reality.

Before my mother's death, funny how that has become my only point of reference in time, anyway as I was saying, before my mother's death my interests, actually more like obsessions, were computer programming, electronic circuits, alternative energy and science fiction novels. Can't say these things made me happy but they kept me busy while taking care of my mother for about ten years before she died.

Since my mother's death about the only thing that I do that is useful is volunteer at the Rescue Mission which I use to have to do for food stamps before I was locked in the nut house. I'd like to do something useful, I just don't know what.

Well that's a snapshot of my shitty life,

John

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Hey John,

Welcome to CB - I've gotten lots of good help and support here, and I hope you do too.

We have a couple of diagnoses in common - MDD and PTSD, and I have an Axis II diagnosis as well. I know what it's like to struggle with PTSD responses and flashbacks and especially dissociation. It's the pits, but there are lots of people here who can relate, which has made things easier for me.

No meds, huh? Do you have a psychiatrist and/or therapist on board? Therapy can really help things with or without meds, and it sounds like you have a lot of rough stuff going on.

Tryp

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No meds, huh? Do you have a psychiatrist and/or therapist on board? Therapy can really help things with or without meds, and it sounds like you have a lot of rough stuff going on.

I have a psychiatrist and two therapist. Thinking about group therapy, not sure.

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  • 3 weeks later...

The axial system confuses my little brain, so what little it does tell you doesn't matter to me anyway...

Hello, John. Welcome to CrazyBoards. ;)

I'm sorry to hear things are so rough, but I find it very supportive here on CB & so I hope you do too.

Karis

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Hello and Welcome, John!

I'm sorry for the loss of your mom. Watching a loved one die is to know what it is to be completely helpless to change a situation.

I'm glad you found CB. Its a safe place to get support and advice.

If you have any questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to PM a Moderator.

Take care.

Peace,

Phoenix

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