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What are your symptoms?

Mania & Depression symptoms poll  

289 members have voted

  1. 1. What are your manic symptoms?

    • Irritable mood
      232
    • Elated Mood
      198
    • Less/no sleep without missing it
      184
    • More talkative
      231
    • Distractibility
      219
    • Increase in goal directed activity or psychomotor agitation
      198
    • Involvement in pleasureable activities that have bad consequences
      136
    • Racing thoughts
      257
  2. 2. What are your depressive symptoms?

    • Depressed mood most of the day
      246
    • Diminished interest/pleasure in most activities
      275
    • Significant weight loss or gain
      107
    • Insomnia
      117
    • Hypersomnia
      166
    • Fatigue
      246
    • Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt
      256
    • Trouble thinking, concentrating, or indcisiveness
      253
    • Recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal ideation w/wo a plan
      229


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I have more depressive episodes than manic by far. I say that 99% of my episodes are depressive. I have been manic several times and almost always have grandiose delusions. There are times where I think I am going to save the world and also be either a multi millionaire or even a multi billionaire. Then when depressed I think the world is ending. I talk fast no matter what episode I am having. Right now I am kinda mixed. My website launched and people here might be interested but I will not give it unless asked because I don't want to be banned. All I can say is it has to do with psychology (this has nothing to do with my art "business" or lack there of). I am scared about next month because that is when my mom is having surgery. Yes, I am prepared to go psychotic due to the stress as I always do with mom's health. Earlier this year because of mom's failed back surgery and the bad reaction to the Moban, I went incredibly psychotic with a mixed mood. Stress almost always triggers this in me that's why I am prepared for it. Most of the time I feel worthless but when manic I think I am the Famous Artist and going to change the world. Artists starve all the time. My memory just went blank. I hate Old Age Syndrome (this should be added in the DSM V!!).

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While its an oldish post that's somewhat inactive lately, Its stickied so I'm not *really* resurrecting it from the dark depths. Besides, If an account of something is old or new matters less than if its accurate. And I find this thread very interesting.

I have a bit of everything, I mean I can tick almost every box The manic were fun while they lasted but all things come to an end(Good or bad). I go for 10km+ walks along the beach (In the middle of winter) and just feel amazing. I could do no wrong, If something took my fancy I bought it with no second thought at all. The majority of them make little to no sense now, but are somewhat amusing when I do think about them. I actually look back fondly on some of the memory's, because while I did hurt some people who were close to me (and I remember it and it hurts me every day) at the time it didn't hurt at all, It actually felt amazing. I can relate to the delusional thoughts regarding being a millionaire, All the thoughts I now recognize as grandiosity. The problem as I see it is recognizing it as it happens, Everything feels so normal and right.

I would say the ones with the most potential to go bad, Were the mixed ones. I had all the energy in the world, and yet I was crying to myself unable to make myself feel any better. Nothing I did changed my mood, but I felt like I had limitless energy. The worst part I can remember was after talking to a friend for hours, she had to go sleep (It was around 3am). And I just sat there crying for hours because it felt like she had abandoned me and would never come back. After a while I went to bed and lay there, Unable to sleep with the thoughts rattling around in my head. For months on end I felt like crap, Some tiny little comment of no second thought to most people just pushed my mood to extremes and I retreated back to my room and cried. The ending was a somewhat sudden one, In the form of the majority share of a box of xanax.

Since I have less severed episodes, but they always scare me because of the potential for them to go so badly.

And finally, What I would call my normal state, Depression. Just the every day self loathing sleep in till 1pm type really. I find it ironic that the state I find myself in the most, is harder for me to describe than past rarities. I guess because most attention is focused on what stands out the most.

Generally I found that I really had to watch out for the following, and try and change them if I could (Which is somewhat irrelevant now that I'm on more medication);

When manic, I spent money I didn't have.

When mixed, I did stupid things to my body.

When depressed, I slept. I avoided my family, and I didn't keep appointments.

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When I'm manic (most of the time) I'm:

Extremely happy or wildly pissed off

In control of everything (in my own mind)

Out of control

Shopping wildly

Not eating because I forget

Have racing thoughts

Can't concentrate

Tons of energy but can't get anything done

Pressured speech

Talk to myself

and on and on

When depressed:

I eat everything in sight

Never get out of bed

Cry constantly

Have suicidal thoughts

Feel unloved and all alone

Just give up on life

Either way, it sucks.

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I usually notice I'm getting hypomanic when everything just starts to look really pretty. The whole world becomes beautiful to me because even the worst aspects of it just seem to fit together perfectly. I don't know how to explain it, but it makes so much sense at the time. Then I feel brilliant and special because everything and makes sense. Because I'm so brilliant and special, I decide that I'm fun and sexy too. At first, my concentration is better than usual and my grades are excellent. Then it gets to be too much and all those pretty colors start to blur together. I'm not fun anymore, I'm just annoying. There are consequences from all the drinking (which I really shouldn't be doing at all), the sex, the yelling, the collection of self-destructive behaviors. I'm too exhausted to deal with any of it.

Depression for me: I actually tend to eat everything in sight in an attempt to comfort myself, rather than losing my appetite. I sleep more instead of less. I start avoiding my friends. I'm not as quick or talkative as usual. I feel like my thoughts are dampened by a sort of low-grade "buzzing" in my head. I feel guilty and, of course, sad. But mostly, life just seems unbearably long. I have nearly constant suicidal ideation, but have never truly considered myself suicidal because I never have a plan. I spend a lot of time thinking about how the world is broken beyond repair and how I'm too lazy and incompetent to do anything but take resources from people who deserve them more. I stop seeing a point in getting out of bed because life is meaningless anyway. I still do function quite well when I'm depressed, although my school performance suffers and I sometimes quit jobs or activities. Strangely, many people seem to like me better when I'm depressed. When I slow down, I don't cause as many problems!

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For me, the depression symptoms all fit, except insomnia and weight change.

As for mania, however, I have never had one scratch of euphoria out of a mania in my life. It is all about extreme psychotic symptoms. You would easily mistake me from schizophrenic, not bipolar. In fact, I still have a hard time convincing myself that bipolar can cause the thought disturbances that occur in me. Thankfully, some of you here are reassuring me that in some cases, mania may not have elevated mood, but rather an irritated psychotic state. The worst psychotic symptom is the never stopping theme that everyone I come into contact with is making it their mission to either exclude me from some secret fun activity or trying to turn me into a over-medicated zombie (and yes, that includes people at the grocery store and stuff haha).

Bipolar doesn't have any fun parts for me unfortunately ;).

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etkearne, why would your dx be bipolar, rather than psychotic depression? Just wondering.

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My mania starts out feeling GREAT. I feel tall, thin, handsome, and connected to the universe in every way. Every thought I have seems funny.. but then it keeps ramping up until I am extremely irritable and grinding my teeth when anyone interferes with my actions or when things are just "too slow" and/or not going my way (like when my computer fucks up and I want to toss it into a tub of water).

My depression seems to be mostly atypical. I feel small, fat, ugly, unworthy of human contact. I have moments of happiness and then it feels like I hit a brick wall of misery; as the episode progresses, the ratio of happy moments to blah moments decreases, leading to thoughts of death and a feeling that I am already dead.

I've had mixed states as well where I go from elated, irritable, and depressed (or all three at once), laden with panic symptoms (racing heartbeat, some shortness of breath). It's a terrible feeling, I want to get out of my own body, and that leads to even more intense thoughts of death and suicide.

Edited by nibblerd

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Well this whole bipolar thing is new to me (the idea of me having it, that is). But according to my new pdoc, I am super-rapid-cycling and also in a mixed state for most of the time. So, mostly crushing depression, agitation and the feeling of wanting to crawl out of my skin, and the occasional day/week where I am extremely paranoid and/or super-human. But, usually mixed and constantly cycling. As I am at the moment.

When depressed, I either eat constantly or don't eat at all. I sit on the computer all day, when I am not sleeping. I peer out my window worried that invisible beings are lined around my house waiting to catch me. I lurch around in a fog-- can't read a book, can't concentrate on a single thing. Having a conversation confounds me. I hate myself passionately because I have not accomplished a single thing in the past.. well all of my 21 years, because of it.

Too tired to describe the rest.

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What are your manic symptoms? 

Irritable mood

Elated Mood

More talkative

Distractibility

Increase in goal directed activity or psychomotor agitation

Racing thoughts

What are your depressive symptoms?

Depressed mood most of the day

Diminished interest/pleasure in most activities

Significant weight loss or gain

Hypersomnia

Fatigue

Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt

Recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal ideation w/wo a plan

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I usually notice I'm getting hypomanic when everything just starts to look really pretty. The whole world becomes beautiful to me because even the worst aspects of it just seem to fit together perfectly. I don't know how to explain it, but it makes so much sense at the time.

Oh, yes. Every tiny detail of every single thing is so obviously part of one whole, beautiful, harmoniously interconnected consciousness... The loveliness infuses my being with peace, and a contented knowledge that all shall be well.

Then the colors begin to get so bright I have a hard time looking at them, everything is so *present* that my eyes can't take the noise. Loud colors jumble together into a chaotic mess from which I cannot make out where one begins and another ends, I can't see the shape of things as they are. That's when I start to get scared, that's when people's faces stop looking joyful and beautiful and begin to melt into scary monsters faces. I don't understand what people are saying to me because the words don't make sense, they are all jumbled together too.

Yah, that's why I take meds, to banish depression & fear.

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Well this whole bipolar thing is new to me (the idea of me having it, that is). But according to my new pdoc, I am super-rapid-cycling and also in a mixed state for most of the time. So, mostly crushing depression, agitation and the feeling of wanting to crawl out of my skin, and the occasional day/week where I am extremely paranoid and/or super-human. But, usually mixed and constantly cycling. As I am at the moment.

Wow, this almost describes me to a tee (except for feeling super-human). This is all new to me as well. I saw a pdoc for the first time about a week ago. I went in for problems with extreme social anxiety and depression...came out with a dx of mild bipolar depression. I can definitely relate to that feeling of wanting to crawl out of your skin!

I have a lot of the symptoms listed on the poll but I'm still trying to pinpoint what my "manic" and "depressive" episodes are like. I feel like I'm second guessing myself. I was so elated when I ran the Chicago marathon. I seriously felt invincible. Was I being manic or was I just thrilled to have worked hard to accomplish something? I kind of feel like my whole life is a big question mark now. It's so weird. And I feel like I can frequently experience hypomania and depression within the same day. I don't even know if that makes sense...

Edited by treklexa

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I always worry about how subjective the symptoms are. I mean, for me, doing something impulsive or with bad consequences might just be different. To me, the fact that I had sex (protected sex, even) with a guy IS impulsive and has bad consequences. Sure, it was protected, but I get so freaked out about everything anyway AND it wasn't with anyone I was interested in even being with... It was just "hey, I'm bored, I'm going to have sex with him." I drive faster than the speed limit at all times, so I never considered reckless driving a big deal.

Also, I haven't really had a severe mania yet. I've had elevated moods and irritable moods, but I tend to associate the irritability to my depression... I don't know if that's accurate at all. I almost always am distracted or have racing thoughts... I just don't even know anymore. It's all so confusing. But I pretty much clicked all of them, except weight loss/gain.

I know this past semester, I was involved in theatre, which I adore, but there were nights when I just REALLY didn't want to go. I made it anyway, but just sometimes, it felt like too much. I don't know... My depression started first, as far as I can tell. I was only recently diagnosed with bipolar... but I've been diagnosed with depression since I was 13.

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when hypomanic my BIGGEST symptom was engaging in activities that were just god-awful, terrible, very bad ideas. I started "sexting" everyone in my phone list, going out at all hours regardless of when i had to work, and at one point even trying to get one of my best girlfriends to have sex with my husband for his birthday. Awesome. Well, the husband left, and the friend was nice enough to forgive. the 20k in debt i racked up during that year was less kind though- I'll have that for a loooonnnngg time.

when depressed i have just a total lack of desire to do anything. unless it means getting ice cream out of the freezer. Sometimes i'll even watch the same show over and over on tv (or even the on-demand screen with the annoying snippets of stuff you SHOULD be watching) for hours cuz i dont care to change the channel. depression sucks.

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I also checked most of the boxes in the lists. Last time I got manic was in sept 08 and started euphoric. I remember cracking up through the entire pdoc appointment, but my pdoc was not amused. It was brought under control quite rapidly by increasing my lithium from 600 to 1200. I was ok for about two months but then the underlying mania process turned dysphoric and broke through. I got psychotic and the pdoc broke out the big guns--zyprexa. I have to say, the dysphoric mania is the most miserable and confusing experience I've ever endured.

--lluvia

My last mixed state was in February or so of this year...managed to channel the energy into writing but there was hardcore guilt, suicidal thoughts, panic, anxiety, racing thoughts...i've gone back and reread what I wrote and my god...while the essence of it makes sense, it's obvious it was written in a crazed mixed mania.

I get that way, it seems, at least once a year...where it really ramps up and I hit some very serious extreme. Now that I'm medicated again, and not drinking or using coke, I hope to cut that type of episode out.

I clicked almost every single box in both categories. The only things I didn't click were sleep related. When I'm manic I don't stay up for days or anything like that...I just don't get very much sleep and when I do it's very uncomfortable and unsatisfying. Then when I'm depressed, I don't stay in bed all day...sleep pattern stays pretty much the same regardless. Everything else though, put me down for them in spades.

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I haven't experience the euphoric manic side either. Sometimes I would kinda like to, just to see what it's like. I jump straight to irritability (then anger), goal focused, racing thoughts, distracted and no sleep. It was the depression that got me to the tdoc in the first place. Spent about 3 years in an constant dark funk, thinking about suicide. It suddenly dawned on me that I had had depression since I was a very young kid. But I didn't realize the manic part was also there, I just didn't notice it. I thought that was normal.ohmy.gif

I haven't talked to my pdoc yet, but I think I have continuous cycling (as I understand it). My moods would swing back and forth constantly with little or no "normal" mood in between.

Or I could be on crack.

Edited by Obscuremachine

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While I'm still in the process of being diagnosed, I am finding that I meet many criteria for bipolar 1. My episodes are often mixed. If i'm understanding "mixed", it basically means an episode that has both manic and depressive symptoms, right? If so, this is what I experience most often. I also often experience sudden manic episodes late at night when I'm attempting to make my way to bed.

So, my mixed episodes generally involve racing thoughts, talking very quickly, being distracted to the point that my attention seems to be everywhere in such a short period of time, feeling more important than usual, more enlightened, etc, all on one end of the spectrum, and then having trouble sleeping or oversleeping, eating too much, feeling worthless, guilty and down for no specific outside cause, mild delusions and hallucinations (peripheral "hallucinations"), on the depressive end of the spectrum.

My mixed episodes send me on a roller coaster all day. It feels like I can't get off it without a serious amount of effort and willpower, if I even do manage to emerge from these extremes at all during the mixed episodes. I find the mania/hypomania to be a lot more endurable than my depressive episodes, as my mania doesn't ever lead me to do dangerous things. In fact, I often find the mania to prove to be very beneficial in many circumstances. I even get short "rushes" of euphoria all over my body to the point where I appear to have a mini-seizure, though it's only a physical outburst of shuddering excitement.

However, it can leave me feeling very irritable, as if I've come down off a "high." The feeling can be compared to a sort of hangover, if you will.

Combined with my OCD, these episodes and extremes agitate me in ways I don't believe my family fully understands. I wish there was a way I could explain how nuts it is to them!

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hypomania: elated or simply feeling wired, go days without sleep, make stupid plans, feel a strange and unpleasant impulse to travel long distances, talk too much, overly friendly, racing thoughts, my vision is altered-- everything seems incredibly bright and beautiful.

depression: atypical depression -- a bit of a 'reactive' mood, eating too much, sleeping too much (direct opposite of mania), feeling sad, guilty, worthless.

mania (only happened briefly, once, after being on a high dosage of prozac): absolutely unable to concentrate, sweating, deciding that i -had- to fly overseas -immediately-, irrational, unable to sleep, feeling as if i was propelled by a motor, upset, paranoid, and delusional (looking in the mirror and thinking that i looked like certain celebrities). just awful. also, the visual 'brightness' becomes unpleasant, and things begin to carousel around me.

sadly my hypomania, once it's at its peak, lasts less than a week. my depressions can last a very long time (months).

Edited by saoirse

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I even get short "rushes" of euphoria all over my body to the point where I appear to have a mini-seizure, though it's only a physical outburst of shuddering excitement.

I get this too, and had always wondered if other people did as well. For me it's different than pleasant exuberence/euphoria that i also get-- to me they're physical waves of bliss, similar to being on morphine or other opiates. they can last for days at a time. it's happened to me twice.

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