effing joe Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 Went for a short walk on a trail today. A man and a woman with their 4-5 year old boy were walking toward me. Man in back with mom and kid up front. The mom was basically dragging the kid. The kid said "I hate hiking" and the dad says "push yourself Jonathon". Then the kid says "come on you two idiots". It was wrong on so many levels. Poor kid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karin Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 And in about a very soon short while, they wonder why they are the perfect example of a dynsfunctional family? I mean hell, they spent so much time together? They took these walks together, even though they all hated it! They had such "open" channels of communication? Everyone could say exactly what they wanted? Eh, Joe? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karin Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 My parents used to get these home movies... In those days that meant one of those projectors with the two reels, things. The thing was just: I absolutely HATED movies. I just simply could not sit still long enough and any movie to me was torture! I always offered to make the coffee, but then my dad would stop the movie for my sake! AAAAAARRRRRGGG, no dad, it's OK, really, I can hear the movie and that is good??? And they would say: Ah, see what we do for you, and we are doing everything we can to make you happy! But they were just simply doing the wrong things! It was well meant, but it took me many years to see that - ungrateful me, let me lift my ass and go visit them RIGHT NOW!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix_Rising Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 "come on you two idiots". But I'm sure this statement came from a place of love I hate it when parents call their kids names. dianthus is right on about how much physical activity a kid can handle. I think that's part of being a good parent; knowing your kids' limit and not pushing them when they're tired. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Vapourware Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 I'm currently doing my social work placement with the department for child protection...I don't think I can regale people with the stories but WOW, there are some very scary and stupid parents out there. Don't mean to thread hijack but sometimes I do wonder if we should seriously consider implementing a breeding license for people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tenthdoctor Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 All I have to contribute is this lovely macro: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caillech Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 My parents used to do this to me all the time. Over everything. In the winter: Take me cross country skiing for HOURS. I fucking hated it because not only was it boring as fuck, I was suffering from frost bite. In the summer: Take me to, um, it was something like the grand canyon, but not actually that. I'd have to search for the spot. Anyway. We would walk for hours in the fucking heat, and one time my step dad decided it would be just peachy to climb on of these arches and sit at the top. I was ok going towards the one side. But when we went to return to climb down, I noticed there was a 6"-8" crack between one side of the arch and the other. I simply had to step over it, but was paralyzed with absolute fear. I stood there screaming and crying and fighting with my mom and step dad. He finally picked me up and threw me across. The fall? a good 300-400 feet down, if I had lost my footing and fell. Good times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
effing joe Posted July 5, 2009 Author Share Posted July 5, 2009 And in about a very soon short while, they wonder why they are the perfect example of a dynsfunctional family? I mean hell, they spent so much time together? They took these walks together, even though they all hated it! They had such "open" channels of communication? Everyone could say exactly what they wanted? Eh, Joe? Hi karin, Yep it was sad. That kid looked like hell, too, sweaty and you could tell he had been crying. Dang, I'm starting to get mad that I didn't say something. I can not stand small children/people getting bullied!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!! (deep breath, I'm ok). Hope you are doing well, karin! Take care, joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
effing joe Posted July 5, 2009 Author Share Posted July 5, 2009 My parents used to do this to me all the time. Over everything. In the winter: Take me cross country skiing for HOURS. I fucking hated it because not only was it boring as fuck, I was suffering from frost bite. In the summer: Take me to, um, it was something like the grand canyon, but not actually that. I'd have to search for the spot. Anyway. We would walk for hours in the fucking heat, and one time my step dad decided it would be just peachy to climb on of these arches and sit at the top. I was ok going towards the one side. But when we went to return to climb down, I noticed there was a 6"-8" crack between one side of the arch and the other. I simply had to step over it, but was paralyzed with absolute fear. I stood there screaming and crying and fighting with my mom and step dad. He finally picked me up and threw me across. The fall? a good 300-400 feet down, if I had lost my footing and fell. Good times. What the hell is wrong with people!!!! I'll bet you wouldn't dream of doing that to anyone Caillech. I just don't get it. I am not breeding because I know how f'd up I am. I wouldn't do that to anybody. I have seen a few "functional" families, but the dysfunctional ones are waaaay more common, at least in my experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
effing joe Posted July 5, 2009 Author Share Posted July 5, 2009 I'm currently doing my social work placement with the department for child protection...I don't think I can regale people with the stories but WOW, there are some very scary and stupid parents out there. Don't mean to thread hijack but sometimes I do wonder if we should seriously consider implementing a breeding license for people. omg Vapour I bet you have seen some crazy stuff. Please tell stories in this thread if you get bored. Also, I could not agree more that licenses should be required to have kids. I think #1 you should be financially stable and be able and willing to provide an education and decent shelter for a child. #2 No psychotics, sado-massochists, or sociopaths - PLEEEEEASE!!!!!! (I have experienced that kind of fun !!!!). This is one of those subjects that can lead to knock-down drag-out fights, though. Take care, and I hope you post a story or two if you get bored. joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karin Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Also, I could not agree more that licenses should be required to have kids. I could not agree with this more. I wish that there could be a practical and moral way of enforcing this?? We have this one church here and on Sundays they walk around and knock on doors and spread the Good Word, except that they often take children with on this marathon walk. They then use the children as an excuse to gain entrance into the houses. I am doing good, thanks Joe... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Vapourware Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 I wish that, at the least, people would be mandated to complete a parenting course. Enforcing a breeding licence is probably unrealistic, sadly, and suspect even a mandated parenting course might be difficult to enforce. @Joe: I'll see if I can tell some stories, but I also have to be mindful of confidentiality which is why I've been hesitant so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlewing Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 I have to say that I agree with the comments about parenting. Although if my parents (who were poster children for dysfunctional marriage/parenting) hadn't had me and my brother then we would have missed out on our lives, and although they've been challenging, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Does that make sense? But yeah, I see so many parents with small people (and I mean REALLY small) telling them to "shut the fuck up" and other such niceties. They seem to have kids and then more kids because it guarantees them more money from social services and they don't seem to actually have the kids because they want them, which seems to me a bit daft, because the kids then suffer the repercussions from parents who didn't really want them in the first place. And as for parents (like mine) who say "we're staying together for the sake of the kids"...No, really, please don't do that!!! It just fucks your kids up more - speaking from experience. Though back in the 70s when my parents should have really divorced, it's likely that my mum would have got custody, despite being completely batshit, and then we would have been worse off because although my father wasn't much in the way of a protective force, he did make some difference, no matter how small. It used to be that you had to have a licence to have a dog here in the UK, and I can't help thinking that you should have to apply for a licence to have kids. My housemate works in a teaching centre that deals with kids that have been excluded from school for various reasons (one kid is clearly autistic and others have learning difficulties and traumatic home lives) and these kids have had NO childhoods. They're out there as gang members because they don't have a family unit around them and the gang fulfils that role. They become part of something that, no matter how fucked up, is a kind of family. They don't really stand a chance of making something meaningful out of their lives and it makes the pair of us want to go in there and 'rescue' them from their fates, but it's the fault of unloving and uncaring parents and the school system in general. I feel so sorry for those kids, but there is very little that we can do to help them. And what makes it worse, is that society sees these kids as 'dangerous' and 'threatening' and casts them onto the scrapheap before giving them any kind of chance to show what they are capable of, and that seems grossly unfair. The sins of the parents are visited on the children who, no matter how off the rails their lives have gone, were once innocent children who just had a lousy start in life and it has blighted their lives from then on. It just really isn't fair on them. I know that ending all that with the "it's not fair" disclaimer is a bit weak, but it ISN'T fair. However, it's such a huge problem (everywhere, I suspect) that it's really hard to know how to tackle it and improve these kids' chances. Ok...rant over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lottacrazy Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Some people are too absorbed in their own little world to understand that their children have needs and they have limits. IF we go any where I bring a stroller or the wagon because we know that what our 10 year old can do our 3 year old cant and what I can do our 10 year old can't. Perfect example is at Kennywood (an amusement park here in Pittsburgh) people are dragging their 4 year old while he is screaming his feet hurt, rent a fucking wagon or bring a stroller! What is it too hard to put a stroller in the trunk of your car, its on wheels! A week or two ago I was waiting for the bus down town and there is this 19 year old girl walking down the street with a 2 year old walking about 7 feet behind her, she isnt even looking out for him, then I get on the bus and she sits her 2 year old next to me and he slides off the seat on his knees and sits on the floor on his knees and wont move (something a 2 year old does) she yanks him by one arm up and slaps him in the face, he screams and she slaps him again, now the kids is crying so hard he is hyperventilating and she slaps him again and again ( I counted 6 slaps) it was so bad that the driver kicked her off the bus. Who the hell does she think she is, he is a baby and she is abusing him basically (in the state of PA by law you can only strik your child with an open hand and only on the bum, use of a foreign object or closed hand is by law considered abuse) I agree with this law and I can only hope that Child welfare has been called. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Vapourware Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 Alright, I've got a story from my child protection placement... We were chatting to some parents yesterday about a care plan regarding their 8yo son (currently not in their care) and the father - who is obviously stoned and/or otherwise drug-fucked - mentions he has concerns about his son walking from his foster carer's house to school, because there are four drug houses along the way and he didn't want his son exposed to drug takers. Sure. Pot calling kettle black? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stickler Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 vapour- I was told by my last therapist that getting involved with child protective services(in the states) is a hard and thankless job. Nobody's on the caseworker's side, not the judge, the police, certainly not the parents, and not the kids(usually). How does your job work? I'm just curious. Yeah, that kid's probably going to grow up to absolutely loathe exercise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Vapourware Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 vapour- I was told by my last therapist that getting involved with child protective services(in the states) is a hard and thankless job. Nobody's on the caseworker's side, not the judge, the police, certainly not the parents, and not the kids(usually). How does your job work? I'm just curious. It's much the same in Australia, but the department does try to develop links between various agencies to ensure that other agencies understand that child protection workers are NOT just here to snatch children away. Child protection workers want what's best for the child and for the family. There's always some issues between agencies though, mainly due to conflicting agendas. I haven't noticed much bias whenever I've gone to court with a worker, although some workers are of the opinion that the penalties in the Chlidren's Court are too low to act as a deterrent. Lots of parents and caregivers have a low opinion of workers. The stereotype of the baby snatcher is well and truly alive. There's complicating issues as well, like historical (i.e. if several generations of a family have had involvement with the department), shame, embarrassment, anger, etc. Being attacked by clients is always part of the risk in the job! Most kids are quite defiant because they haven't a lot of stability in their lives but usually the department becomes the most stable factor in their lives. So they usually accept the presence of the workers. Hope that answers some questions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShatteredGlass Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 I WISH that people would have to go through SOMETHING before considering children. I used to work at planned parenthood...(Thankfully we didn't do abortions. I am not trying to start the abortion debate but I don't think I could have handled that mentally.) You need a certificate to fish...to shoot animals... and in my town to park your car! But sure, bring a new person into the world, no problem with that. What makes me even angrier is that I'm not allowed to get my tubes tied. I am an adult. I raised my brother.. I am a health wreck... WHY can't I just get this over with. If I get lonely I'll get a dog! Hnn...my eye is starting to twitch. </end rant> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wondernut Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 LOL not to laugh but I guess i am the "stupid parent" I always however asked my kids if they wanted to go and they always said "yes" then half way up the trail my youngest would start whimpering and wining and tossed himself on the ground telling me I was a mean cruel mother to do this to a child he always made it and still talks about hiking ..but also adds "you made me do that!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karin Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 I WISH that people would have to go through SOMETHING before considering children. I used to work at planned parenthood...(Thankfully we didn't do abortions. I am not trying to start the abortion debate but I don't think I could have handled that mentally.) You need a certificate to fish...to shoot animals... and in my town to park your car! But sure, bring a new person into the world, no problem with that. What makes me even angrier is that I'm not allowed to get my tubes tied. I am an adult. I raised my brother.. I am a health wreck... WHY can't I just get this over with. If I get lonely I'll get a dog! Hnn...my eye is starting to twitch. </end rant> A very, very valid point of view which I absolutely could endorse, however the practical implication is mind boggling! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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