eldorado Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Hi there. Lets see, I'm in my late 30's, I've been special as long as I can remember. In mid-teens the hypo-mania offically started, around 23 the wide open mania started. Towards end of my 20's the joy of psychosis blessed my life. Got diagnosed crazy at 29 (nobody was surprised). First med given me sent me into psychotic mania (anit-depressent). Got new pdoc(s) and started the long prosscess of pdocs consulting the magic 8 ball to determine what meds I should be on. Lost job, wife, house, health, and self respect. Spent 3 years on the frequent flyer program in the psych wards. Spent early 30's on my mother's couch medicated to within an inch of my life (I have watched every single episode of "Law & Order" at least three times). The goverment started sending me checks. I finally figured out that the pain alone wouldn't kill me and that I was falling and there was no bottom to the pit. Decided I was going to get better. Figured out that being on 900mg of seroquel, 2500mg of depakote and benzos morning, noon and night was not the path leading to a robust, fullfilling life. Found genius pdoc (no small feat for this deep into the South) and let him know that I wasn't interested in any level of stability, I wanted not just my life back, but I wanted it better no matter what the cost (not that I had much to loose at the point). Worked my ass off, prayed my knees off, found the minimal level of meds that I could live with. Dropped all the damn weight, got my job back (technican for the phone company), told the goverment to stop sending me checks (I have never been so treated like a total lunatic as when I called social security and told them that I didn't want their money or their "job trainng", I'd do just fine on my on). Got the hell of mom's couch and out of her house. I've been making bold choices, and paying the price for alot of them and accomplished the highest level of control I've ever had. Still get messed up all the time, but I'll never let the fear of pain stop me from anything again. Decided to come here because let's face it, we all tend to compulsively talk about being crazy and the people with normal neurotransmitter levels just don't want to hear about it. By the way, I never counted spelling correctly as a virtue, sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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