Carbface Jeffers Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 I'm a 47 year old woman, self employed, married to a good guy 16 years, no kids, lots of pets (dogs and bunnies). Live in a small, college town in fly over country aka the great midwest. I'm not sure what all I need to put here and I tend to over-explain. Feel free to TL;DR me when I need it. Chaotic, boundary-less childhood. Violent, distant father permanently out of my life when I turned 12. Mom who is/was half Mildred Pierce, half fictional figure I can't think of. Name a fictional character that screamed and sobbed, 'BUT I LOVE HIM! OH GOD, I WISH I WAS DEAD! IF ONLY I HAD THE COURAGE TO DIE!' when her two small kids tried to reason w/her that we needed to leave, pack up the car and escape, get away from our unpredictable, dangerous dad? One sibling, a brother, 4 years older, we were never that close. Then he divorced in 2003 and we got too close. I became his lifeline, I handled that well at first, w/mixed results as the year went on, after a year I burnt out and relationship imploded in small and large ways. I mention this because my brother's observations on what an angry person I've become and the guilt I felt at wishing he'd just go away, find a hobby or new relationship, stop calling and leaning so much led me back into therapy for the 3rd time in my life. 3rd time has not been the charm. What else do I need to say here before I ask some questions? I've usually had a sturdy inner gauge of healthy, unhealthy, appropriate, inappropriate, rational, irrational, too much or too little disclosure but my gauge is either on the fritz or I pooped it out in a fit of anxiety diarrhea. So I'm nervous about being new, being whiny, being needy, being annoying, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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