Polarbirdy Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Yes, hi! Wow - sometimes i just think it's great to be moody, when it works for your advantage. I was just completely overwhelmed by the size and complexity of this forum, but the question "what's your favorite bird?" in the registration form was so surprising and great (hence my nick + i love all birds, they comfort me) that now i feel all energized again. So... i was finally (!!!) diagnosed with bipolar 2 this week. I've thought for the last 14 years that there's something wrong with me, been diagnosed with depression (with checker OC behaviour) but have "healed myself".... many times.... never thought i was manic enough to fit the bipolar category, simply because i didnt know about bipolar 2 and because i thought it was quite normal to be happy, energetic and filled with great ideas. Still in the back of my head i always thought i was bipolar. Damn i must say it feels good i'm being agreed with, by my GP, my psychologist, and psychiatrist. Now i have something concrete, something biological, to try and manage. I'm not just a weak, overly sensitive, reckless artist-type who'll never graduate and find a real job, not managing to overcome emotional problems and find spiritual peace. I have a disfunctioning brain, goddammit! And still i've managed to do a lot of things far better than most people. So sucked in. Yeah, i actually also suffer from low self-esteem - and then again, i don't know. I don't even really know what my "normal" feelings about myself are, now that i think of it. I'm mostly depressed (maybe rapid cycle, maybe mixed, i dont quite know yet), so that might blur my judgment. This is really interesting, now that i can officially think of myself as BP, seeing things from a different perspective. Well, anyway, I am currently trying Proxan (just started) but my psychiatrist wants me on some "real" drug, and if this won't help, i will. Currently i just need a lot more information about them. And that's how i found this forum in the first place. All i want is to finally be well and balanced, not sleep till 3 pm, not miss job opportunities/have to quit jobs because i don't have the energy and nothing seems to matter, not spend months planning something great (usually a whole new course of life) only to realise i dont want it after all, not feel terribly irritated and yell at people i love just because i feel my head is about to explode. I want them to be able to enjoy me as i really am. And i want to be able to enjoy my life as it really is. And how about the actual introduction... I'm female, late 20's, living in Australia but from northern Europe, heavily into a whole bunch of arts, metaphysical things, love learning about nearly everything at least momentarily... Don't believe in adulthood but responsible life-long childhood, believe life is meant to be fun and great. And not like this. So here we go. I want to find my way. Pleasure to meet you people, and congratulations if you read all this.... Yeah, i do like to write Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoldCoin Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Hello Hello fellow European Australian. Very nice to meet you. I liked reading your post, it was almost like you were talking. I am glad that you have finally got a working diagnosis, not that they mean very much (to me anyway) but they help with sorting out which meds would be best etc. I hope to see you around the boards. take care GC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Polarbirdy, welcome to our friendly asylum. It is definitely a bit overwhelming when you first come here, so poke around and read the relevant forums about your diagnosis and the possible treatments. Since you like to write, I highly recommend our Blog dept. We have a lot of people there who like to write and read each other's ramblings. You can make it public or private--whatever is comfortable for you. Please read the rules when you get a chance. They're short and pretty funny. Welcome! olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atomics Asylum Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Welcome REI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polarbirdy Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Thank yous all:) GC: Yeah, i hope i'll stick around, too. Friendly fellow looneys are always a good thing! Olga: In fact i've been sort of writing a blog recently, or started one anyway. I haven't published it yet and haven't had enough time (well, ok, energy, i'm on holidays....) to perfect the look... But i'll definitely check out the option here. I haven't quite been able to decide how much of more personal stuff i'd share, so i might even consider two separate ones now, hmm... (Yeah, not enough energy for one, so why not make TWO!!) See you around Polarbirdy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyzr Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Welcome to CB! I can relate... I was recently diagnosed (sort of) as well and am still learning how I fit into the spectrum. I don't have mania either...and I don't even think I have that much hypomania. Hard to say. Either way, I'm on far more often on the depressive side, but do have anxieties that often inspire a few OC behaviors. I hope you can find as much help here as I have. See ya around! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polarbirdy Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 Kyzr: Thanks! Yeah, my depressions seem to last longer than hypomanias, but the more i think of it, the more hypos i can recall... I just used to think those were the times when i was actually feeling normal. But i suppose e.g. suddenly deciding to move abroad and study marine science and live on a boat (i was sure i could somehow get a boat somewhere) when you can 't even swim and used to hyperventilate even in shower and when drinking water, is not one of the things people do when they are feeling normal... Anyway. I'm a little bit worried now... Because it's past 3.30 am and i've been reading this forum for hours now, and it might not have been a good idea to read the SI section. I had forgot the urges i had during my most severe depression/crazy phase about 6 years ago. I never really did anything because i'm overly concerned about my appearance when i'm depressed and scar easily (when i'm hypo i don't even wear make-up really because i feel so great about myself anyway...) But i just momentarily got the urge back even if i'm feeling quite alright this week. fuck..... not so good.... I'm actually really easily influenced by anything (you know, hear a sad song->cry, 2 seconds of a happy song->top of the world...) I think i'll have to be hard on myself and not read too much stuff other than med experiences etc useful... Yeah. Now that i thought of other things for a while, i'm feeling quite normal again. Better go to sleep and try n have a good day tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Choosing_the_blue_pills Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Welcome to CB! I was just completely overwhelmed by the size and complexity of this forum In the beginning I thought it was complex as well and planned which parts I should read, but now I just click "view new posts" at the top and get only one list. So it has gotten a lot less complicated with time. not spend months planning something great (usually a whole new course of life) only to realise i dont want it after all I hear you, I've spent a lot longer time than I should planning ahead. I'm actually really easily influenced by anything (you know, hear a sad song->cry, 2 seconds of a happy song->top of the world...) You then need to be careful, but this knowledge can also be used in a powerful way to your advantage, by arranging your surroundings so as to affect you positively. I'm suspecting that some part of my psychosis was due to being easily influenced. Hope you got some good sleep. I know the feeling of getting stuck here late at night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LunaRufina Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Hi Polarbirdy. It's good to have you here. Like you, I knew something was wrong for a while before I was officially diagnosed with BP and was diagnosed with depression first. I think you'll find this is an open, friendly place so if you have any questions, definitely feel free to ask. And I know olga said to check out the blogs, I want to second that. If you need to, of course, you can always ask any of the mods or admins for assistance or to answer a question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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