nonsum Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 i posted about this in my blog but was hoping for some more input. and the situation has changed somewhat. getting to sleep is becoming an ever more difficult task. one that takes hours. i used to be able to take my seroquil at 8:30 and be asleep solidly by 10. as of two weeks ago, this time has been getting later and later. and i am getting more and more tired, bitchy, irritable and generally unstable. i'm almost to the point where i'm afraid of sleep. i can't handle the dreams. but i want to sleep at the same time. because i need it to function. and my med guy wont give me anything but seroquil. and if i tell him it's giving me nightmares he'll pull it. but i'm terrified. my friends die in my dreams. terrible things happen to them. i see it in detail. but i don't remember it once i'm thoroughly awake. thankfully. that i couldn't actually deal with. it would break me. i need to do something. i see med guy in two weeks. i'm debating asking for him to up the seroquil to 100 mg. because 50 isn't cutting it. becasue sleep with nightmares may be worth it. i dont know. i'm really conflicted. he's completely against and actual sleeping pills or benzodiazapines. because i have a history of drug use. because i was honest about it. [my time limes with the dreams are kinda off. i can't keep the nights straight. i try. but it doesn't really work" but he seroquil thing is nasty double edged sword. i dont really feel like re-typing this whole thing so ctrl-v from my blog: [yesterday] i haven't had dreams in a very long while. but last night [5 nov] was something all together different. eleven hours of generalized evil. indescribable. i don't remember exactly what was going on in my head but i do remember waking up repeatedly. only to crash back into some strange world. but getting to sleep is another story all together. more seroquil will mean more nightmares. i don't like this whole brain being awake while the body is asleep. but at the same time, my body isn't asleep. more thrashing. more trashed bedding, quilts, everywhere. more bruises, arms. legs. [previously] i keep waking up with more bruises. i thrash in my sleep. neither my med guy nor my therapist have any sort of solution for me. i have no solution for me. i thrash so hard i wake up. blankets thrown about, freezing, sweating, i wipe my self off, go back to sleep. i've padded the walls in the corner that my bed is pushed into with pillows. six of them. i've cocooned my self with down quilts. and heavy blankets. but the blankets also are supposed to prevent the thrashing. i don't know what to do anymore. i'm exhausted. and sleep no longer comes easily. i think my subconscious is afraid of the repercussions of sleep. but i haven't really remembered any dreams since i was a young child. untill i'm tired of waking up exhausted and sore. i'm so sick of that shit. maybe it's a stress thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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