madrigal Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 I have been calling this lady on a hot line, for several years now. Always before, she was effective, no matter what I was calling about. She nursed me through some serious suicidal intentions, listened to me blab on and on about my fucked up childhood, etc. She has been aware of my slow and painful climb from fear of dating, to finally starting to date again. And yet, when I shared about my happiness with a new guy after so many years of being afraid to try, I get this lukewarm comment: "Well, if that makes you happy..." Delivered in this disdainful voice, as if I had shared my predilection for dumpster diving or something. WTF is up with that? I thought that she would be happy for me. Not that I need her happiness to exist, but I am really disappointed in her response. Now I feel that a huge door has just been slammed in my face. I hesitate to call anymore. So, hotline counselors SUCK BIG TIME! Extreme, I know. But that's how I feel right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluelikejazz Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 I'm sorry you felt hurt; but generally hotlines are for crisis moments or once-off discussions when you are really distressed. They aren't phone therapy. In therapy it's appropriate to go every week and talk about things that are happening in your life. In therapy you could ask her why she said that; and she would have the training and skills to evaluate if her own issues are getting in the way of giving you unconditional positive regard etc. Just my opinion but I think the hotline counselor probably should have set some boundaries earlier on. Do you have a face-to-face therapist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madrigal Posted November 14, 2009 Author Share Posted November 14, 2009 I'm sorry you felt hurt; but generally hotlines are for crisis moments or once-off discussions when you are really distressed. They aren't phone therapy. In therapy it's appropriate to go every week and talk about things that are happening in your life. In therapy you could ask her why she said that; and she would have the training and skills to evaluate if her own issues are getting in the way of giving you unconditional positive regard etc. Just my opinion but I think the hotline counselor probably should have set some boundaries earlier on. Do you have a face-to-face therapist? No, I am currently in the process of seeking one. You are right about the boundaries. But she always encouraged me to call, and never said that I shouldn't. And I was just needy enough to appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mika Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 Wow you were VERY lucky to find someone to listen to you on a suicide hotline! One time I was in complete distress and none of the hotlines would answer the phone. Another time I thought I had taken too much epicac syrup (one of my many crazy moments) and I called poison control. This woman was appalled and urged me to call a suicide hotline because she was convinced that I was trying to kill myself. She gave me a number she had handy. I called it and no one answered again!!! Long story short...You were lucky someone even answered, let alone listened to your problems AND give you advice I don't think she was trying to be mean or disdainful. I just think she didn't know what to say at that point. For all you know, she is some crazy weirdo who was in love with you. Who the hell knows with hotlines. Don't get too bent out of shape over it. Sorry this happened to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkiemarie Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 Long story short, most of those hotline people are volunteers who are doing it for their own motives. Some do it because they love it, some do it because they're court ordered to do some kind of volunteer work. You never know what the real story is behind them, and they definitely can't take the place of a fully trained therapist. Their purpose is to get you through the next few minutes when you're in a serious crisis until you can get to a more stable mindset or get to some help physically--in person. Get an actual therapist and see how that goes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Vapourware Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 Sorry to hear you are hurt by the person but remember also all the good that they did for you over the years. It might've been one stumble for the counsellor; it doesn't make them completely horrid They're only human, after all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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