Slicey Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 Good-day fellow nutcases, my name is Jethro and I experience depression, social anxiety, paranoia...bleh bleeh bleh. I have once been told by a psychologist that I am probably "schizoaffective", but most of my psychiatrists have always treated the symptoms, not worrying much about actual diagnoses. I've been on cipramil/citalopram since fourteen, I am now on Solian (amisulpuride) and for a short while longer, clonozepam (one of the benzos). I am 19 now. Anyway, I live in South Africa and If I remember correctly, I used to post in the cutting board, pleased to say I'm not cutting any more, except a few scratches or gashes every few months to remind myself of how much fun I had. Well, if anybody want to know more, just read the bit below, a document I wrote up before my last visit with my psychologist... Recent History Since my last encounter with you, I started heading towards a breakdown. My social paranoia increased to the point I was once again hiding behind doors and corners, listening with intense fear, trying to find out what “everybody” was planning for me, how they would go about bringing about my downfall. I recognized this as being highly similar to the months leading up to the first time I was put on anti-psychotics. My mother organized for me to see Dr. ****** in Grahamstown, who increased my anti-psychotic by 25% and put me on 2mg of clonazepam per night to assist with the dealing of stress, brought on by the impending Final Exams. This helped me tremendously as the stress caused by being paranoid was also softened, thus terminating the vicious cycle. I have a feeling the clonozepam is temporary. I recovered rapidly and am currently doing better than ever, so much that my brother fears that I may be heading towards going manic, as we often witnessed in my father. Present Time Currently, I have been waking early, making breakfast and preparing lunch for my brother and me and, not only going to school, but paying attention in class (when I am able to remain conscious). During school, I have been interacting more and more with my friends and acquaintances in a positive manner. After school, every day I have been spending at least two hours working on mathematics. My brother has postponed his studies so that he may tutor me whenever I am available and able. My Brother During evenings, my brother has been getting progressively depressed, while I keep strong and talk to him until he laughs or smiles. We now spend a large portion of our rest time talking about our future and how to maintain our sanity. He is extremely worried that I may relapse into being a full-time stoner at this crucial time in my life. Marijuana and other drugs I, until four days ago, had not smoked any marijuana, while still remaining friends the “stoner group”. My view on marijuana is now bitter-sweet. I enjoy it immensely, but recognize how it can lead to me destruction. After two events in which I smoked, I am now no longer “lus” for dagga and am able to ignore it once more. I have reduced my caffeine consumption, by drinking only 2-3 cups of coffee a day and not even thinking about buying “regmakers”, i.e. Caffeine pills. The amount I smoke, at present time, ranges from 20-25 smokes a day. Although I do have a strong desire to try out new, stronger drugs, I am more than capable of fighting this desire as I understand it would destroy my future. I have numerous sources at my fingertips to attain LSD, Shrooms, weed, ecstasy etc, but I have not even hinted towards attaining anything, even though most of my friends have been. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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