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didn't you also ask about taking too much temazepam?

if you're that shaky on all the drugs and taking too much of all of them, it might be a good idea to call someone and get yourself checked out.

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Are you alright Ashdene? Please call your pdoc if you are thinking about ODing. Please reply and let us know you're o.k.

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Ash, how much do you mean by "too much"? What is the dose you are *supposed* to take and what is the amount you actually took?

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Thanx so much for your replys.

Yip i did OD, it was more of an impulse thing then suicide, which i think scares me more!!! I am supposed to take 300mg of lamictan at night and i took a whole months supple. And just needed to know if i would be ok, or if i needed help right away (which i did)

It scares me cause i just saw them, and i was like lets take these and then i was like, oooh shit bad move what do i do now!! Got somebody to brake into my house luckly and get me to an er. So safe now.

Thank you so much for responces and your concern!!

(ps pleas be proud of me that i called for help, I am so embaressed! Had to call a friend of my brothers and think i scared the living day lights out of him!)

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(ps pleas be proud of me that i called for help, I am so embarrassed!

Only because I've walked in your shoes, can I say this.

You want us to be proud of you that you intentionally overdosed on your medication and then told someone about it so you could get your stomach pumped, and narrowly averted getting sectioned into the psych ward where you belonged? I'm sorry, but I must have forgotten my "I'm an idiot" shirt at the cleaners today.

You had a suicidal idealization. You may not like what that's called, but that's the bottom line of what you had. You wanted to take all your pills because you either a) wanted to pass out for a REALLY long time or b) you wanted to sleep with the fishes permanently. But qualify for SI. Also, the fact that you asked for help online after you did it screams for a SI cry for help.

You are not a bad person, not am I stating that you are. What I am saying is that you need to make some major like changes with your meds. Almost two years after my OD, my husband still locks up my pills and only gives me one week's worth at a time, and only 4 xanax at a time. I can get more if I need it, but I can't really fuck myself up with 8mg of xanax, you know?

I urge you to do the same. Keep the temptation away. I've learned the hard way that once a pill abuser, always a pill abuser. And yes, I speak from experience.

Edited by gizmo

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oh god...not good.

have you seen your pdoc yet? as gizmo said, time to make some big changes.

hugs

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i was trying to be light hearted when i said proud, cause i am embarresed. which may have been inappropriate right now. and i don'y have may own "i'm an idiot" shirt either right now.

I wasn't suicidal, so guess we not al the same. I was a zombie all week and just took them and maybe i did want a brake the reason i message here, is cause after i did it i realized how fucking stupid it was and was nt sure if i needed to go get help or not. I do understand what you are saying and i am trying to sort things out and make changes or i wouldn't be here right now messaging.

I live alone, so doing it on my own. I don't really have anybody to lock my pills up for me.

You might say that i am not a bad person, but the whole whipping out the idiot t-shirt isn't helping. I feel like one already. I get tough love or being honest about what you think. But trust me i'm am getting a lot of it right now. My Dad recommends i stop taking all pills completely and go for a run. And this is the first time i think we have ever spoke (i phoned him)

i KNOW i fucked up, trust me. And maybe i deserve it but i have nobody else to talk too. Sometimes people need to get things out. Patterns may be the same but occasionally enviroments are diferent. Yes I am trying to change

Sorry if i come across angry but this has been a very bad day

Edited by Ashdene

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I think what people are a little upset about was that they were genuinely worried about you. You went to the hospital, got the stomach pumped. Didn't spend any time away and yet you waited 9 days to come on and post that you were just hunky dory. Meanwhile everyone that has gotten to know and care about you were worried sick and it seems to me you wanted them to be. You got off on the attention. Way to go.

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I'm not mad at you. I have to know you to be mad at you. And you should note that the "I'm the idiot" shirt reference was to myself, not to you.

I spent the time writing the words I did to you because I've been there and done that. I almost flushed a 16 year (at the time) marriage down the toilet and lost my children becuase I did *exactly* what you just did. While you do not have this kind of baggage to lose, you still have *so much* to lose in life by fucking with too much of your medication.

While you have every right to come here and express your views and seek solace, it is my and everyone else's right to give you some cold reality and hold the truth mirror up to your face. Please, please trust me when I say we do it because we care.

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Just a thought: When I'm trying out a new med, I only get 2 weeks worth filled at the pharmacy. My reason for doing so is just that I don't want to pay for a months worth of something if it's not going to work. I'm sure you could do this as well...at least you wouldn't have AS much medication on hand.

P.S. I almost posted something similar to Gizmo's post but didn't because she had already said most of what I was going to say and in the tone I would have said it in. I was angry at what you did. But, tough love. That's all it is. It sure as hell works better for me for someone to give me a slice of reality instead of patting me gently on the back saying "it's ok, sweetie".

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sorry i never got back to you sooner, can't believe it was nine days? That was not intentional at all. I haedly had a moment to come here. I spent the weekend in hsopital then had to go to work the next day with my boss away i have all her wards and my own and when i arrived i had two students there. My parents came down for work and pretended everything was merry sunshine. I hardly had a chance to breath. So i am sorry about that.

You got off on the attention. Way to go
this is anything but the case, seems to me you dont know that well. That really makes me sound like a horible person.

While you have every right to come here and express your views and seek solace, it is my and everyone else's right to give you some cold reality and hold the truth mirror up to your face. Please, please trust me when I say we do it because we care.

this i understand completely and i know this debate has been had before, only reason i'm mainly upset now is cause i'm upset with the whole situation and horrified with myself as it is. I live alone in a town were i got no friends i was placed here for work (not trying to sound like i'm feeling sorry for myself) and I'm really lonely and don't know who else to talk too. very few people know what happened and less are speaking to me, so yes that speaks to meI am depressed and depressed with what i did and thats why i'm getting upset. I am upset with me more then you.

i know i don't deserve an its ok sweetie. Never thought i did.

thank you for caring never the less, its always nice

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You got off on the attention. Way to go
this is anything but the case, seems to me you dont know that well. That really makes me sound like a horible person.

I didn't know what well? Could you start over.

No, I don't know you. But I can tell you that I would never let people hang like you did. My two cents. You post here a LOT. People know and probably like you. I don't know you. So this is my opinion and I'm entitled to it.

If I left a message on a board where I was well known about overdosing and then not come back on for 9 days and scaring the crap out of everyone... sorry..you were too busy? You forgot? BS. I would have done everything possible to just drop a line to say I was okay.

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sorry i ment to say that you don't know me that well.

I also forgot that i wrote that first post cause it was on the same night, i don't remember quite abit about that night and the original comment didn't say i took an od so only read the comments a few days ago or i would have come said something sooner. And as soon as i saw it i said i was fine. It wasn't like i read it and left it for a few days. I have been coming here for a long time and i do feel like i have friends here and my intention would never have been to upset anyone. I know i been writing here a bit and guess to much. One of my topics was how long did it take you to get stable, cause i been batteling with that and i know i come here too much.

I know you are entitled to your own opinion and are more then free to express it. But I am just responding to it?

Look i really don't like fighting (thats one thing about me), and i don't want to fight with you or anybody. I'm not that kind of person.

I was an idiot and i get that, but all i can do is try and change.

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You weren't an idiot. It's part of the damn illness that has grips on your brain.

Do you live in a small town? Have you tried meeting people or is that something your not comfortable with.

Hey... if you really don't have anyone to call when you're feeling that down, p.m. me and I'll give you my number. I know that If I didn't have a few people on my list to call day or night I'd have done what you did several times by now (given that I survived each time).

I don't know if # exchanges are allowed here...Are there any rules on this? Anyway... I would be happy to do it. Or even email (since I can get emails on my phone)

hugs

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I would appreciate that so much, i got placed in a small town for my community service at a hospital here, so didn't know a singal soul. And i don't have a very supportive family. So sometimes i have no idea where to go. And being alone the entire time makes everything worse. The small town thing, is there is a big language, cultural barriier, even the people at work said that i should really think hard about staying!

Also my job ends 31st of december and still waiting on other hospitals for replys (government is useless here). Got another job interview tomorrow but it is for private which i am not keen on. Doctor did want to admitt me today cause i am doing worse then before but want to get work sorted out first and then phone him as much as i want.

Thank you so much for the help. i feel a little desperate now. Funny you doing something like i did, and now i feel worse then before. Ironic huh. But taking care of it as best as i can.

your a star, thank you again

love Ashdene

xox

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sorry i ment to say that you don't know me that well.

I also forgot that i wrote that first post cause it was on the same night, i don't remember quite abit about that night and the original comment didn't say i took an od so only read the comments a few days ago or i would have come said something sooner. And as soon as i saw it i said i was fine. It wasn't like i read it and left it for a few days. I have been coming here for a long time and i do feel like i have friends here and my intention would never have been to upset anyone. I know i been writing here a bit and guess to much. One of my topics was how long did it take you to get stable, cause i been batteling with that and i know i come here too much.

I know you are entitled to your own opinion and are more then free to express it. But I am just responding to it?

Look i really don't like fighting (thats one thing about me), and i don't want to fight with you or anybody. I'm not that kind of person.

I was an idiot and i get that, but all i can do is try and change.

And I've probably overreacted as well, so I do apologize. I've had someone do that to me before and it really pissed me off. lol Blame it on a flashback of a bad experience.

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hey, Ash, let me sidetrack for a second -

can you get your meds put in a mediset?

There is the kind you set up yourself - sometimes you can pull one day out at a time, and then put the rest of the pillbox somewhere that is a pain to get to. It gives you a couple seconds' delay.

Or there is the kind the pharmacist sets up, which they charge a fee for, but it is a blister pack of medications, so you have to punch them out of the pack. That might help with the impulse thing.

It's just a thought.

These are also good for those of us who forget if we already took that day's meds. ;) Like me.

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I don't think picking on ash is the answer here. And I don't think patting her on the head and saying "it's ok sweetie" is the answer either.

She obviously is having a hard time atm. She is alone and has no one and no where to go.

Compassion is never an over rated thing. Ever. Ever.

When the truth "hurts", it's because it was said wrong.

She made a mistake. Based on impulse. I've been there many, many, many times. She is trying to straigten out her life right now, as that is important right now.

Ash,

Hun, I hope you can get all of this worked out to the best of your ability. Please do contact the pdoc after you get through work. Please keep reaching out to the people here. There are a lot who care and hate to see you in so much pain.

Blessings,

C

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