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Hi, Ashdene! I haven't been participating in this thread but I wanted to pop in and add my support to that of the other posters. We do care about you and I hope you called the doc after work. I've screwed up royally in my life at different times, so I'll be the last person to point a finger and be critical.

What matters is helping you to get good treatment and on your feet again. Come back and let us know how you are, okay?

olga

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Hi,

I'm sorry about this all, i hate tension. And guess i'm feeling a little senstive. But i am trying. I was going to be admitted yeserday but had a job interview today and it was really important to go and my pdoc knows that. (It went well by the way)

I can't go in patient right now as i got 15 working days left of my hospital community service and no sick leave left so i can't stuff up. So i am working hard, which i find it helps distract oneself. Organised a christmas party for all the spinal cord injury and neuro patients tomorrow. And yesterday i worked in the out patient premmies clinic. Sometimes its good to see you not the only one batteling. So what I am trying to say is that i am taking one day at a time.

Told the pdoc i will phone him tomorrow to see if i am ok.

I think when my life becomes a little more stable i will too. This year has been a tempory job and a tempory home and living alone in a town i had never been to before. Everything has been uncertain and without stability.

Next year hopefully i will have a job (waiting on a couple), be permantly employed. I have found a guy to live with next year and its not like i will have to worry about having to move at the end of the year again.

My pdoc said he will phone my dad for me.

I feel worse since the od esp. since my friends who found out won't speakto me and my father was a complete asshole(as normal), so please forgive my sensitivity but i am unbelieveble depressed now. I guess i was looking for some some empathy and a shoulder. But the I know i also needed to be yelled at a little too.

I know i moan alot but i got nobody else to moan to and i guess that definately doesn't help getting stable in the first place. You guys have been like a little supportive family to me. Sometimes I just wish i could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but life has been hard and it doesn't seem to be getting easier and i was not suicidal when i did what i did. But from all te after math i did become very. Its like a slap in the face, that you did that, you are a bad person and i can't seem to look after myself. I love my patients with all my heart but just can't do the same for myself.

The fact i write here so much and people notice makes me feel worse. I feel guilty that i am always such a dragg theses days. I feel like a drag o my family, my friends, work and even here these days. Its always help when i have nobody to go to, to come here. I need a tdoc but since things are so tempory it would be worth getting one now. I want to be happy and normal, but i jus cant and it makes me so said.

Sorry for ranting on a little, but i will definately take all your advice and sort out the pill thing. Maybe the chemist can do something for me? And i want to let you know that i am trying anot just sitting around feeling sorry for myself.

Oh and just got accepted to start counceling lessens for anxiety and depression group of SA, so i can hep others too, keep me busy and that stuff makes me happy. Ironic how helping others is so easy but when it comes to yourself its so hard.

So now i am going to go and try get through tonight, so i can pretend to be bright and full of sunshine tomorrow.

Lots of love and thanx

Ashdene

xoxo

Have a good evening

Edited by Ashdene

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It sounds like you've taken a lot of positive actions, Ash, and I know you've had a difficult time the past few years. I'm sorry your father is being a jerk about this whole thing.

Don't forget your blog. You can always post there and take it private if you want to keep things among friends.

Hang on. If you have 15 more work days, that might be doable. And keep talking to the pdoc.

olga

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Hey Olga,

How do you make it private? I don't know how to anymore. The only reason i came here was cause it started getting so quiet on the bloggs and i was desperate.

love you

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Hi, Ash! Here's how you do it:

In the upper right-hand corner of your screen, you see your name and a little arrow. Click on the arrow to get the drop-down menu. You'll see "my settings" and you should click on that.

Now you'll see a page with "Your Options" over on the left near the top. Below "Your options" you'll see tabs that say "Settings" "Forums" "Profile" "Blogs" Click on Blogs.

Here you will see your blog. It's called "Ashdene's Blog", right? Click on it. Now you scroll down and you'll see options. You see "Blog View Permissions." If you pick "Private Club," you can choose who sees your blog.

Now, scroll down the page more. You will see an empty box that is called Private Club. In this box, list the members who you would like to invite to read your blog. Make sure you put the names in list form, like this:

olga

Susan

Bob

Linda

I just made up names, but you get the idea. You have to be careful to spell the name exactly the way it appears on the boards, or that person won't be invited to the blog. For instance, Phoenix_Rising has that underline between the two words.

I hope that's all clear. It took me a while to figure the blogs out when we changed over to this new place.

You can also have a public blog and a private one---it's up to you.

olga

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I know you didn't mean for everyone to worry. I was psychotic a few times and didn't get back to the board in days, and my friends here understand. It's hard to remember even posting when in a bad state. I know how it is.

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but it is a blister pack of medications

Silver: ALL our psych meds come in blister packs here. We only very rarely get them in bottles.

Ash, I'm so sorry I missed this post. I'm about to get ready for work, but I'm going to write to you when I get home tonight. xoxo

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Ash,

some stability does sound like it will be a good break for you...

I don't know if your chemist/pharmacist can give you your pills in a 7 or 14 day at a time fill, if you think that would help (and Miab - well, that's just darned civilized, is all I can say!)

enjoy the neuro Christmas party!

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Hey there.

I just wanted to say that i am back blogging and i am private, i don't want to forget anybody cause i love you guys so much! (but my heads all full, its not you, if i forget you)

Thanx for all the support never the less. Feeling buggard but one day at a time!

P.s the neuro party went well, and i got the job even though the interviews only officially end next week friday - made me feel a little bit better about myself ;).

Thank you

love Ashdene

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