Betrayal.........

[sfolks0428]

Why is that your closest friends, the special few who are MOST DEAR to your heart, seem to disappear when you need them the most?

I am so crushed to find that my "best friend" has decided to pretty much ignore my existence after this past manic episode.

I've dealt with losing friends over my bipolar diagnosis, but why HER, why now?! She was there and very supportive when I first was diagnosed, what's the sudden 180!! How could my best friend (who I have consoled through numerous ridiculous boyfriend breakups and family troubles) leave me in the dust like this?

Everyone just shoves the "shows you who your true friends are" saying down my throat, says she's not worth it, but it still doesn't make me feel better!

Just makes me sad.. anyone else dealing with this from those "through thick and thin" best friends? or any friends?

[AirMarshall]

I'm sorry that your friend is no longer there for you.

As hard as it is for us to keep going, I often wonder how difficult it is for our family and friends to have to deal with our dramatic and unfathomable ups and downs with little ability to fix things. We can only be thankful for what people willing do for us. Certainly the don't "owe" us anything.

One constant in my life has been the ebb and flow of friends. But that is only natural. People change interests, move on to other things, meet others who are novel. That is equally true of ourselves.

a.m.

[NailFlower]

sfolks0428

maybe she is going through some heavy stuff of her own right now and feels unable to deal with your drama. ask her if she is ok, ask her what is going on with her.

[themadhatter]

I had my wife and all the people I felt were my closest friends turn their backs on and then leave me. I had a bad manic episode beofre being on meds and all of them, for lack of a better phrase, took her side of things and disowned me as a human being. I know it isn't much comfort to hear but I have come to learn that some people are just that way. They are fine with you being there for them in the hard times but when you need help they are no where to be seen. It really sucks but I view it as an unlisted side effect of having bipolar. I have just learned to cope with it and honestly turn to this and other boards before I go to people I think are friends. I know I am always welcomed here and people won't run when I am having an issue.

[Outrider]

I had my wife and all the people I felt were my closest friends turn their backs on and then leave me. I had a bad manic episode beofre being on meds and all of them, for lack of a better phrase, took her side of things and disowned me as a human being. I know it isn't much comfort to hear but I have come to learn that some people are just that way. They are fine with you being there for them in the hard times but when you need help they are no where to be seen. It really sucks but I view it as an unlisted side effect of having bipolar. I have just learned to cope with it and honestly turn to this and other boards before I go to people I think are friends. I know I am always welcomed here and people won't run when I am having an issue.

I sympathize. I had a similar set of circumstances after my ex wife left me. It's why I've voluntarily chosen to isolate now, I felt like I was bringing nothing to the relationships I was in and I couldn't blame them from suffering from compassion fatigue.

[cairn]

I've been "disowned" before as well. Bastards.

[sfolks0428]

I had my wife and all the people I felt were my closest friends turn their backs on and then leave me. I had a bad manic episode beofre being on meds and all of them, for lack of a better phrase, took her side of things and disowned me as a human being. I know it isn't much comfort to hear but I have come to learn that some people are just that way. They are fine with you being there for them in the hard times but when you need help they are no where to be seen. It really sucks but I view it as an unlisted side effect of having bipolar. I have just learned to cope with it and honestly turn to this and other boards before I go to people I think are friends. I know I am always welcomed here and people won't run when I am having an issue.

I'm sorry to hear about your wife and close friends. You're definitely right about some people just being that way.. No matter what you've helped them with in the past, it's just the way they are.

I thought I could handle this easily, but who can prepare themselves for these closest friends to disown you?

I gotta look on the bright side and know that I still have a handful of friends by my side. And of course, people on Crazy Boards have my back!

It just still hits me hard when it's that one person that said they would ALWAYS be there no matter what. Really makes me appreciate my true friends!

[dancesintherain]

sfolks0428

maybe she is going through some heavy stuff of her own right now and feels unable to deal with your drama. ask her if she is ok, ask her what is going on with her.

That was my first reaction as well. If it's someone who has previously handled your mental health stuff in an okay fashion before, it might simply be that this is a really bad time for her as well. I hit a point where a friend and I were both in a mini-crisis state (i.e. not full-blown episode of anything, but not doing well). Although she had frequently been someone I turned to to help get support, she was struggling enough with her own crap that it wasn't best to add my stuff to the pile. When we both started to work things out, the friendship returned, just as strong...and we talked through what we'd both been going through.

[OscillateWildly]

Why is that your closest friends, the special few who are MOST DEAR to your heart, seem to disappear when you need them the most?

I am so crushed to find that my "best friend" has decided to pretty much ignore my existence after this past manic episode.

I've dealt with losing friends over my bipolar diagnosis, but why HER, why now?! She was there and very supportive when I first was diagnosed, what's the sudden 180!! How could my best friend (who I have consoled through numerous ridiculous boyfriend breakups and family troubles) leave me in the dust like this?

Everyone just shoves the "shows you who your true friends are" saying down my throat, says she's not worth it, but it still doesn't make me feel better!

Just makes me sad.. anyone else dealing with this from those "through thick and thin" best friends? or any friends?

That's really terrible. Wow. People are so ignorant. I'm sorry this happened to you.

It might be that she just needs some time to process this mania thing. She may come around in time.

[gizmo]

I have a bucket theory when it comes to "normal" people and MI. They are good and fine while the crazy stuff we do fills up their bucket. But then we do that one TINY little thing that causes the bucket to overflow, and suddenly what was a manageable relationship becomes completely intolerable.

BTW, I stole the bucket theory from my kid's doc about allergies. But I think it works perfectly here.

Maybe your friend just had the one event occur that caused her MI bucket to overflow. Maybe she can de-MI and empty her bucket out on her own a bit, and you two can be friends again. Maybe not. That hurts. I've lost a really close (top 3) friend simply because she found out I was bipolar. I didn't even do any crazy stuff. It was just the words that did it for her.

Best of luck.

[sfolks0428]

sfolks0428

maybe she is going through some heavy stuff of her own right now and feels unable to deal with your drama. ask her if she is ok, ask her what is going on with her.

That was my first reaction as well. If it's someone who has previously handled your mental health stuff in an okay fashion before, it might simply be that this is a really bad time for her as well. I hit a point where a friend and I were both in a mini-crisis state (i.e. not full-blown episode of anything, but not doing well). Although she had frequently been someone I turned to to help get support, she was struggling enough with her own crap that it wasn't best to add my stuff to the pile. When we both started to work things out, the friendship returned, just as strong...and we talked through what we'd both been going through.

Yeah, that sounds like her. She does have a lot on her plate right now, but I guess it hurts because I am the kind of person that tries to help my friends through anything no matter what I'M dealing with, no matter how busy I am. So maybe I just need to stop doing that (for my own sake!) and also realize that other people don't do that! But, I will just give her time and see what happens. Guess I just mean it when I say I'm "ALWAYS THERE!"

[sfolks0428]

I have a bucket theory when it comes to "normal" people and MI. They are good and fine while the crazy stuff we do fills up their bucket. But then we do that one TINY little thing that causes the bucket to overflow, and suddenly what was a manageable relationship becomes completely intolerable.

BTW, I stole the bucket theory from my kid's doc about allergies. But I think it works perfectly here.

Maybe your friend just had the one event occur that caused her MI bucket to overflow. Maybe she can de-MI and empty her bucket out on her own a bit, and you two can be friends again. Maybe not. That hurts. I've lost a really close (top 3) friend simply because she found out I was bipolar. I didn't even do any crazy stuff. It was just the words that did it for her.

Best of luck.

That is a great theory!!! I'm going to have to use that, it does work perfectly here! I think that's exactly what happened, so right now I'm just giving her some space (so she can empty her bucket, I love this theory now haha) and I'll see what happens.

I'm sorry you lost your close friend JUST over the word, that is horrible. It just makes me sad to think people are so misinformed about MI, that just hearing the diagnosis turns them away.

[meg]

hey sfolks,

I hope things get patched up between you and your friend and that you're having some luck keeping on the stable side.

FWIW, I think giving her some space and not dropping the friendship completely is very much the way to go--

It's hard being the person that is always giving, giving, giving even when you can't afford it (emotionally or otherwise) and then realize that other people don't always appreciate it or reciprocate. I hope you can find a happy medium with your friend.

m

[sfolks0428]

It's hard being the person that is always giving, giving, giving even when you can't afford it (emotionally or otherwise) and then realize that other people don't always appreciate it or reciprocate. I hope you can find a happy medium with your friend.

m

Yes, I'm definitely a giver! Always been that way, probably always will be. Just gotta keep in mind I'm not always gonna get anything in return, but that's life!

And I am VERY GLAD that I took everyone's advice on here and didn't completely explode at my friend for not being there because she called me today! Yay!

Funny though... she wanted some advice and help with her problems.. haha.

But I'd rather keep my mouth shut about MY problems if it means we can still be friends! She might be hypocritical at times.. but nobody's perfect!

[leftyovers]

Didn't you know ?

Only articulate, sensitive people who can round of events, use theory, take the good side of things are mentally Ill. Being anybody and in the flow etc.. is for dummies and power drones.

[Stickler]

I have a bucket theory when it comes to "normal" people and MI. They are good and fine while the crazy stuff we do fills up their bucket. But then we do that one TINY little thing that causes the bucket to overflow, and suddenly what was a manageable relationship becomes completely intolerable.

Yep-I have had my bucket filled and filled up the buckets of others.

I had a friend who was crazier than myself...and I was in my "emptying the bucket" phase and needing some space for a while... she OD'ed and wasn't found in time.

I miss her.

[Pineapple]

I've got one on this topic. My "best" friend of 12 years when I told her about the BP diagnosis.

Me: "So, don't tell anyone this, but they diagnosed me as bipolar today"

Her: (laughing) "I could have told you that"

Me: "What?"

Her: "Seriously, you didn't know you had that? How could you not know you had that?"

Me: "Well if you knew so f'king much, how come you didn't tell me?"

Her: "Because you're f'king crazy. I was afraid you'd come after me with a knife or something."

Me (outloud) "ummm . ." (in my head) "Bitch! bitchbitchbicthbitch! OMG you're such a huge bitch"

Yes. We are no longer friends.

[Mayteana]

Yes. We are no longer friends.

Good for you.

What a bitch.

~ May

[spaceman]

I had a friend do that to me also. He had dropped the church he attended for years .He said that all churches are corrupt etc. There was no major thing happening at all and he had been my friend for almost 20 years

and we called each other brothers etc.

Why? Hurt? Yes! Over it? Definately! I think he got fed up with all over the years but a true friend doesn't do that. I think it had something do with the new religious bent he was on.

People are just crappy and un reliable.The hell with em I say!

[sfolks0428]

Didn't you know ?

Only articulate, sensitive people who can round of events, use theory, take the good side of things are mentally Ill. Being anybody and in the flow etc.. is for dummies and power drones.

Hey Leftovers,

HAHAH I know that I'm responding to your comment maybe 4 months late, but I just now read it and it gave me a good laugh! I needed that, thank you!

[sfolks0428]

Yes. We are no longer friends.

Hey Pineapple,

Sorry it took me like 4 months to answer (whoops!) but WOW, I should NOT be complaining about my friend at all haha. I can't believe she would say something like that...but I'm very very glad you guys aren't friends anymore!!

[crtclms]

Well, it is a little embarrassing, because family friends who were in or around the psychiatric field all assumed I was bipolar (some even knew it was bipolar 2). No one told them. They just knew what they were looking at, because they had seen it so many times before. So because of the circle of people I grew up around, I have been lucky, but unable to disguise my crazy.

All the "friends" I have driven away, I later realized I had driven away for good reason. It is as if I have to be ill to see them for who they are. I usually have a "frank exchange" with them before I go on my merry way without them. So I guess in effect, I am dumping them, but they may disagree, and think they dumped me.