homiecheezwiz Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Ok I'll try to keep this brief and not ramble on and on and on because I just want to be certain I get my point across and blah blah blah..... ;-) So, I've been diagnosed in the past 1+ yr beginning with major depression, progressing to that + generalized anxiety, and from there to my current dx of borderline personality disorder. Meds I've tried in no particular order: wellbutrin, zoloft, effexor, remeron (OMFG never try this sham of a medicine), lexapro, prozac, lamictal, umm I'm sure there's more but I forget (boy do I love having no memory) Currently on: 200mg Lamictal, 40mg Prozac, 150mg Trazodone (for insomnia) Additionally I have had a problem abusing stimulants (specifically adderall) for about 6 months. Given the occurence of stimulant abuse in major depressives, as well as abuse in general among BPD patients I'm sure that this isn't all that surprising. However, as the key factor in finding the right antidepressant seems to be narrowing down which neurotransmitter is the biggest issue, ie norepinephrine, seratonin, dopamine; to me it would seem and it feels that since I've had such a problem with abusing CNS (dopamine+++) wouldnt it make sense that maybe I'm lacking that as a baseline? Don't get me wrong, I'm really trying for a dx or rx that gives me CNS b/c I don't know that I could control myself and only take what I'm supposed to (isn't that the definition of addiction?). And I realize that as a side effect of binging on uppers my natural dopamine levels will be depleted. But, even after months of sobriety with regard to CNS, I still don't feel nearly close to what I consider normal (~5yrs ago was intelligent, funny, focused, motivated, decisive). And the only meds that have given me back "my brain" for lack of a better term, are CNS. So, as I probably could not, and definately should not, mess around with direct CNS; but I seem responsive (at least to me) to dopamine "therapy", are there any options for meds that would be wise or prudent asside from my current plan of mood stabilizer + SSRI? I quit the effexor even after seeing minor results b/c I hated the side effects. I quit wellbutrin b/c I didn't see much of any results at all (helped me smoke less but whatever). As these are the two meds that I do believe affect dopamine to some degree but I didn't see results does that mean I'm barking up the wrong tree? If so, ok. But if not, what other med options are there out there for me? Thanks for bearing with my admitedly rambling, overly thorough, completely predictable run around to asking a simple question. Any input, advice, help, guidance would be muchly appreciated proZach p.s. Yes my name really is Zach and I am on Prozac Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homiecheezwiz Posted August 24, 2005 Author Share Posted August 24, 2005 Um ok and stuff.... Anyways what I was trying to do was provide all the information necessary to make a rational decision, as I don't know that I can trust myself to do so without subconciously, or conciously for that matter, rationalizing feeding my addiction. I know I have a problem with stimulants which is why I know that I can't have access to them b/c I WILL abuse them. That being said, am I lacking dopamine? Well, I'm not sure and can't be certain. What I do know is that yes stimulants lift my mood and improve my focus, memory, etc... and thats a large part of why I have a problem with them. Additionally I do feel that part of what I'm missing in terms of my being "normal" (i.e. the last time I remember being ok or better on a regular basis and not cutting weekly and not abusing and not feeling like the scum of the fucking earth) is all of the above issues: mood (yes I realize stimulants are not a treatment option and that this is being addressed via different routes), focus (issues at least in part if not wholly caused by depression and insomnia that goes with), and finally memory (wtf was I talking about??? oh yeah nm . So I guess what I'm asking is this: "Does my problem abusing stimulants offer some degree of clue as to where at least part of my depression comes from? If so, should I discuss pursuing dopamine related meds with my shrink? And finally, if both the above are true, what is the abuse potential of dopamine agonists and whatever else there is aside from stimulants that affect dopamine? Sorry if I'm making no sense and seemingly trying to "get my fix" legitametly. I do know I have a problem and that I can never use again b/c every time I do I have no control. Really what I want is to attempt to intelligently accelerate my "ideal" med search while not risking falling off the wagon. Thanks for your help and bearing with me. (BTW yes smoking more = yay me, but not so much when my wife finds out. yeah yeah I'm quitting REALLY proZach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StrungOutOnLife Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 I don't think you're completely lacking in dopamine, or you wouldn't have wanted to make this post all by your self (see Restoration of tyrosine hydroxylase expression to specific dopamine neurons in a dopamine-deficient mouse model: a new method to study the anatomy of addiction. [click on abstract A231.9] for details [warning: not written for the layman]) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homiecheezwiz Posted August 24, 2005 Author Share Posted August 24, 2005 Oh excuse me I'm so sorry for currently being able to function due to my current meds and therapy. If there aren't any answers to what seem to me to be reasonable questions then just never mind ugh proZach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becki Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 I can kinda understand your frustration on this but really it states on this site several times that there are no doctors here. This site is just personal experiences and suggestions and some advice and sometimes a place to vent.You know your body and mind better than anybody. If you know you have an addiction then speak HONESTLY to your doc so that he can HELP YOU. The issues that are brought up on this site are very serious. I would advise to speak openly and honestly to you doc about all of your worries and concerns. I was very frustrated when I started trying to take control of my BP andf I still get frustrated because I DO want all the answers-the fact is there are no right or wrong answers it is just what works for you and nobody here knows that. That is why you need to be honest with your doc and tell him everything so that he can assist you in staying on the wagon and if your honest with him about your addiction he will trust you and consider you responsable. That is what your paying him for is to fix your problems. Express all of your concerns and fears and your expectations of treatment to him. I do hope to here from you after you have seen doc to see how things go. Good Luck!!!! Becki Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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