Guest cableguy Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 I am new here, and will ask for support from you. I am 33, male that grew up with ADD, class clown, and after high school joined the marines (lasted three weeks) By weaseling out and then went to 6 different universities. Got kicked out of one for multiple noise violations......Tried acid and mushrooms but found a staple diet with Marijuana and beer. Only after a year abroad did I return and ask for meds. Something to help me with school. I was prescribed wellbutrin and adderall. The adderall seemed to answer my prayers... Totally felt normal, but my friends would want to abuse it, and we did that a couple of times. Fast forward to post graduate. I took work in chigago, in a fast trading business, and upon quitting alcohol and marijuana I was prescibed ativan because during the worst hangover of my life(7 days) I started to worry that my drinking may have caused some type of internal bleeding. So, I was given ativan to calm my nerves. This is also where I experienced my first panic attack. ( ativan related?) Soon after the Doc prescribed paxil which replaced the wellbutrin, even though I had never really been depressed , but dealing with the anxiety attacks post alcohol. Fast forward I stayed sober for 7 years held multiple jobs living in multiple places (like moving 20 times) During this period I was taken off the paxil to join a adderall trial. This is where my first hypomanic episode came where I thought I had a business to conquer the world. My days consisted of researching and writing mounds of papers about every detail of this amazing business. After this episode I would try acting in NYC, then out to las vegas in car sales. During that time I became very worried about HIV, Hep c infection and became full blown OCD. I actually went to the clinic and false positive for HIV which really set me on a whirlwind of Hypochondria which was only calmed down eventually by me returning to Paxil and Klonopin to fight the anxiety ( not depression?) . SO I joined the mormon church, and then realized after a year that it was not for me, and started drinking after 7 years. Now is when the fun started. I came home to parents and during a drunken rage was sent to jail for the first time by my own mother. Soon after a drunken bar fight where I ran out of a car an attacked a stranger, I got my knee busted and sobered up. All along continuing the Paxil. Well , after being terminated from a job, I decided in a manic? state to rip my shirt off and march up the main street. within two weeks I had given all my possessions away including ripping up my passport, etc. I checked into a homeless shelter, and decided to give my life to poverty(??) . During this homeless adventure I tried to stop some police from mishandling a homeless guy and was arrested and charged. After being released, I tore my shirt off and marched around until I was taken to a hospital where they took me off the paxil, and sedated me with zyprexa, seroquel, and carbamazine. After the 14 days, I was allowed to go home, and discontinued ALL medication. Now I am back at my parents home, off all meds, a little depressed( maybe) mostly cause of realizing what happened and being at home with out employment hopes until I clear these charges, but really wondering if meds, or just staying free of all this shit would be better......Did the meds not cause the anxieties/manias/ocds? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancesintherain Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Now I am back at my parents home, off all meds, a little depressed( maybe) mostly cause of realizing what happened and being at home with out employment hopes until I clear these charges, but really wondering if meds, or just staying free of all this shit would be better......Did the meds not cause the anxieties/manias/ocds? So I can't say definitively (and I'm not sure anyone could), but I think the answer is usually a no....that meds can cause some symptoms, but it won't cause a full-blown episode of something...and that's what it sounds like you were experiencing. Did the hospital recommend drugs at discharge? It may be that that was the conclusion as to what would be helpful--that you had bad reactions to a medication, but that there's some underlying illness as well. that said...welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineOutside Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 I don't know about your meds and illness but I'm glad you made it here. Do you have a Pdoc. that you trust? Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recoverymouse Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Welcome. Addiction combined with Mental Illness is especially challenging. I also have been diagnosed with ADD and have issues with alcohol. Sober for 15 months. This is a supportive environment that can be very helpful. Stick around, make yourself comfortable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gizmo Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Did the meds not cause the anxieties/manias/ocds? First off, welcome to the site. Kind of amazing you have internet access after reading your life story To answer your question: no. I don't know if you want to plan a defense on the meds, or if you want to find an excuse for the way your life has played out, but you need to look elsewhere beyond the meds. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just being honest so you don't pin your hopes on an answer that doesn't exist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stickler Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 We can't do diagnosis around here because we're not doctors, just crazies. And I don't think your problems are due to drug abuse, I think it's the other way around. You really need to see a psychiatrist. See if there is some sort of county program where you live or nonprofit that will help you get a diagnosis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Welcome to our happy home. I agree with the others who are telling you that we don't diagnose illnesses or suggest drugs: you need to get a pdoc for that. I WILL say that I think you very much need to see a pdoc, but then it will be his/her decision which direction to take your treatment. Good luck and I hope you like hanging out here. olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cairn Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Welcome, and I hope things settle down for you soon. It's tough battling both a mental illness and substance abuse. What you describe is so consistent and over such a long period of time it strikes me stable and consistent treatment will be very important. In much of my volunteer work you can see how the chaos the illness produces reinforces the illness itself. It can be a very difficult cycle to break. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cable guy Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Thank you everyone for your support. I had spoken with my pdoc and he said lets see what you look like without the vicious cycle of meds. ( Now that I am off them). If I no longer experience the ocd, mania I can 'deal with the add and mild be bummed out. I dont want to fuck with my neurotransmitters anymore in fear of me becoming manic/ocd which is far worse than now. Also, if I were to ever revert to one of these states I know the neuroleptics/benzos are there to take me off. But it scares me to be dependant on a cocktail of meds....... looking at old kid pictures of myself today which made me happy........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midwestmayhem Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I give you kudos for being able to remember it all!! Sequence and content For what it's worth, anti-crazy and anti-anxiety drugs didn't seem to help me. Now granted, I'm a bit of a hot-mess still, but much better than when I was up to my eyeballs in pills. I felt I had to get off of everything and try to get a 'feel' for what exactly my natural dynamic (read: fucked-up-edness) was and then make a decision if I wanted to discuss meds with my dr. I am not at a place where I want to be per se. But I have a much clearer idea of what it is, symptom-wise, that drives me to feel certain ways, and frankly, to use. Just my experience... I am new here, and will ask for support from you. I am 33, male that grew up with ADD, class clown, and after high school joined the marines (lasted three weeks) By weaseling out and then went to 6 different universities. Got kicked out of one for multiple noise violations......Tried acid and mushrooms but found a staple diet with Marijuana and beer. Only after a year abroad did I return and ask for meds. Something to help me with school. I was prescribed wellbutrin and adderall. The adderall seemed to answer my prayers... Totally felt normal, but my friends would want to abuse it, and we did that a couple of times. Fast forward to post graduate. I took work in chigago, in a fast trading business, and upon quitting alcohol and marijuana I was prescibed ativan because during the worst hangover of my life(7 days) I started to worry that my drinking may have caused some type of internal bleeding. So, I was given ativan to calm my nerves. This is also where I experienced my first panic attack. ( ativan related?) Soon after the Doc prescribed paxil which replaced the wellbutrin, even though I had never really been depressed , but dealing with the anxiety attacks post alcohol. Fast forward I stayed sober for 7 years held multiple jobs living in multiple places (like moving 20 times) During this period I was taken off the paxil to join a adderall trial. This is where my first hypomanic episode came where I thought I had a business to conquer the world. My days consisted of researching and writing mounds of papers about every detail of this amazing business. After this episode I would try acting in NYC, then out to las vegas in car sales. During that time I became very worried about HIV, Hep c infection and became full blown OCD. I actually went to the clinic and false positive for HIV which really set me on a whirlwind of Hypochondria which was only calmed down eventually by me returning to Paxil and Klonopin to fight the anxiety ( not depression?) . SO I joined the mormon church, and then realized after a year that it was not for me, and started drinking after 7 years. Now is when the fun started. I came home to parents and during a drunken rage was sent to jail for the first time by my own mother. Soon after a drunken bar fight where I ran out of a car an attacked a stranger, I got my knee busted and sobered up. All along continuing the Paxil. Well , after being terminated from a job, I decided in a manic? state to rip my shirt off and march up the main street. within two weeks I had given all my possessions away including ripping up my passport, etc. I checked into a homeless shelter, and decided to give my life to poverty(??) . During this homeless adventure I tried to stop some police from mishandling a homeless guy and was arrested and charged. After being released, I tore my shirt off and marched around until I was taken to a hospital where they took me off the paxil, and sedated me with zyprexa, seroquel, and carbamazine. After the 14 days, I was allowed to go home, and discontinued ALL medication. Now I am back at my parents home, off all meds, a little depressed( maybe) mostly cause of realizing what happened and being at home with out employment hopes until I clear these charges, but really wondering if meds, or just staying free of all this shit would be better......Did the meds not cause the anxieties/manias/ocds? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluelikejazz Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Hiya welcome to CB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r.mcmurphy Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 yo cable..., many similarity's but you are right at bust out age range. you may find it easier to get your ducks in a huddle as time goes by. no guarantee but pure speculation based on observation and experience. my son is 27 and has yet to find his head. he, like you and i, will do the class clown thing. he fights like a mf'er and for no good reason. he has the ADD thing but i didn't. he is in rehab for smack once again. although i can not give and endorsement to psch docs or crazymeds, you gotta do something 'cause living as a dependent will fuck you into depression. most people here have undergone all manner of meds and have found something, some combination that puts them back on the rails. beg, borrow and steal to find the funds to pay a head shrinker. if you live in an urban area then you have and excellent chance of finding a good one. search for a personal recommendation some how. that's worth its weight in pills! best and welcome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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