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Struggling so much today. Tomorrow is the halfway mark, but I don't know if I'll make it.

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I threw the rest out, but I still drank too much. Hopefully I didn't hurt my liver too much.

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Had one too many margaritas last night. My rosacea has flared up on account, and bad.

Also, I am feeling slightly depressed today. Starting to truly believe a few drinks affects my mood for days afterward. After all, I am very easily emotionally disregulated to begin with, so why wouldn't alcohol aggravate that?

Besides, this facial redness is enough to make me not want to drink.

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Fell off pretty hard on Weds. Been drinking very heavily since.

 

Managed to put the bottle down at midnight and am going to have another go at things. All booze in the house is gone, I think I can have a good run at this.

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Awesome Dragonfly!!

 

I'm craving booze badly.  Hub is going out of town for a week and my mind is already churning.  Gonna need strength and lots of it.

Edited by larali

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I realize this a thread about drinking but this is where I started when I was trying not to drink.

 

Looks like you can high on Tramadol, very opiate like if you take more than recommended.

 

of course i took more than directed. Ate them all at this point (not all at once, just double dosing).

 

Tomorrow I will start over.

 

Seriously I am tired of this shit ruling my life.

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I've been sober for almost two years- and today found myself with my lips to a bottle ready to take a nice long pull, but didn't. I already belong to another online addition support group, which is great most the time, but I find that when depressed or anxious all those coping do-hickeys I learned just fly out the window. I'm hoping that by coming here when distressed to the point of actually having the bottle in my hand due to my mental illness, that you people will understand. Can't have too much accountability. Can't have too much support. Can't be too careful, even at two years sober.

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Nice work on two years, molekat! I only made it 74 days, but so far the blip is limited to just one day. I can't even imagine the strength it takes to go two years.

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So I'm trying to be more accountable and stop my weekly drinking/going out night. 

 

So here I am trying to be sober. (except for special occasions like weddings, or my bday...I know full sobriety would never work out for me)

 

Anyway, here's to 1 day for me!

 

I'm nervous.

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Made it through a visit to my parents' house without drinking- always a trigger situation for me. I chose to "pretend" drink instead of say "No thanks, I don't drink" when my dad passed me his wine glass one night at dinner- I don't think it was the most courageous choice, but it worked at the time. Something to think about though. What do you do in social situations when alcohol is offered to you?

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What do you do in social situations when alcohol is offered to you?

 

I'm planning to bring seltzer water with me to social occasions. 

 

Nothing wrong with what you chose to do, if that's what works.

Edited by larali

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Today would be day 104, but for the two days I drank. That's remarkably good for me, though. I don't know how well I'll fare when I go off accutane, though. That's extra motivation for me.

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Drinking dreams are the worst, but waking up in the middle of the night with a fake hangover is a good reminder of how shitty drinking really was.

 

Today would be day 104, but for the two days I drank. That's remarkably good for me, though. I don't know how well I'll fare when I go off accutane, though. That's extra motivation for me.

 

Well done. That's no small amount of time, and all those days that you didn't drink are more important than the two that you did.

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Thanks, molekat! I dunno if I've ever had a drinking dream before. Do you feel intoxicated in your dream?

Two months is great, dragonfly! I know how cravings come out of nowhere some times. I've been cigarette-free for 2-1/3 years, and every once in a very great while I still want a smoke. But it passes quickly. With alcohol I have a lot more cravings goin' on, and they don't go away so easily. :(

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