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Thanks, molekat! I dunno if I've ever had a drinking dream before. Do you feel intoxicated in your dream?

 

Not usually- mainly I just feel really shitty that I caved and feel that horrible hungover feeling when you first would wake up, thinking "oh no not again." Those dreams for me are kind of an early warning system. They let me know that it's time to get my ass back to the things that make my life good without alcohol.

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okay 30 days no V.  Two and 1/2 months no booze.  Thats a long time, I could probably have one drink, huh?  to celebrate.

 

I hate you  fucked up addicted brain. Shut up and leave me be.

 

Practicing the fine art of distraction.

 

Who the fuck thinks of celebrating one addiction milestone  with another addiction.

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I have that thought pattern sometimes except it's the same addiction. I don't know of its better to lapse because you plan it or if you lapse because you fold. Either way, it's what you do Or don't do in the days subsequent to the lapse that matter. My problem is that the lapses often don't end, but go on for days, weeks, months, years.

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Coming up on my 2 year date in a few days, remembering the events that led up to me quitting and the help I got (at another online group) to stay away through those very very hard first few days. I'm really happy that I don't drink anymore. Right now I feel like so many more things are possible in my life because I'm not in that fucking bottle every night. I never would have gotten real help for my MI if I'd not quit, and I'd likely have gone to hospital by now. I feel like I'm heading in the right direction finally. Now I just need to remember this when I get really angry or lonely or bored.

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Kick ass, Ice Princess! I just passed my 2 year's and celebrated with a root beer float. No hangover.

 

Yeah, cheesy, there was nothing in it for me anymore but pure misery. Benzos are indeed another kettle of fish... you'd get better advice (if you want it) if you looked at other posts on this Substance Abuse board- or wrote one yourself. You've probably already done that...if so just ignore me. Congrats on 8 months sober.

 

Two years of no drinking has been mostly good, not easy, but good.

 

Sometimes I think that drinking kept my MI under control because I had my first really terrible episode a few months after I quit. I wasn't being treated then, though, and the meds I'm on now certainly work a lot better than drinking ever did. It's funny how those thoughts wiggle in there though... "Oh yeah, think of how much better you would be if you were on meds AND drank". Shut the fuck up addicted brain.

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Hey Flash- shit I'm sorry that it's a struggle right now- it'll pass though if you can get through it. Can you id why you're struggling? Can you take a bath or go for a walk or do something to take your mind off it for a while? Or write about it if you can...  you write such awesome blog posts! 

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Thank you both. I managed to get through the day and went to bed really early.

I can't identify anything that triggers the cravings; they just seem to come randomly. Distractions frequently help. Sometimes I say to myself, "wait until such and such a time, and if you're still craving it, go ahead and drink." That seems to help a bit as well.

In the past 144 days I've only caved three times. That's the best I've ever done, I think. I don't expect I can replicate that going forward, but I'll try to put as much time between drinking days as I can.

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Struggling again. I ended accutane today, and part of me wants to reward myself for doing well. It's going to be a lot tougher staying away from the sauce going forward.

Edited by Flash

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Well done on getting through a tough day- you can get through this one too. You've got 144 pretty solid days sober and like dragonfly said, it's long enough that you're not physically dependent anymore. I think your idea of distracting yourself is a good one- some days it's just finding something mindless to do until you can go to bed. 

For me a big trigger is boredom- I get bored very easily and have trouble focusing for long periods of time and I end up with this kind of itchy feeling that I want to scratch with alcohol. Also I have certain times that I associate with drinking (Hello 3:30!) so I try to plan things to keep me busy around those times. Don't know if any of that is helpful to you, just thought I'd throw it out. 

Thinking strong thoughts for you tonight, too.

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I failed. I suspected I would when this day came. I don't know how I'll manage going forward. I'm scared.

Just shoot me now.

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hey, I am gonna say what you always said to me.  Its only a day. You can start over.   And give yourself some credit, 

Flash do you have a Tdoc?   Or really anyone IRL that can help support you?

You are stronger and braver than you realize.

You can do this,  when you are ready.

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My pdoc does double duty as tdoc. Not a lot, but enough, I think.

I have a dreadful hangover today. Blech. Hopefully that will keep me from buying more.

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