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Go easy on yourself today, Flash. The fact that you saw this coming and that you came back here to talk about it is a positive in my book.

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well, off the wagon.....and mixing substances again.  Gotta say it takes the edge off my current manic state. 

So thats okay right?

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I know it takes the edge off, as I've used it for that plenty, but it's really not the best idea in the end. I have been floundering lately, though, and I really need to get back to a harm minimization plan. I hope your mood returns to baseline soon.

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okay, first day is today.........last nights drinking sucked and reminded me why I had quit in the first place

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Had a beer last weekend in a fit of anger and despair, but am not going to have any more. It's just too hard to moderate. I can't even enjoy the one I have without constantly thinking about how to get the next one. It also helped that the hubs was hammered all weekend- I got to see the lovely effects of alcohol on the stomach and face, not to mention in his behavior. I really could have used someone to talk to, but instead he was passed out on the couch. I spent too many years passed out on couches- I don't want to be like that anymore.

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Good luck with staying away from the sauce, Molekat! Ive been having a really hard time of late, unfortunately. :( 

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okay,  time to recommit to this.  I think when I drink I am more symptomatic not less.  bleh,  I really just wanted to be a "normal drinker". I dont think I am a "normal" anything. lol

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For some people, unfortunately, trying to be a normal drinker is just more of a pia than it's worth. And it does indeed make MI symptoms worse, as well as reducing the effectiveness of some meds. And it makes it less likely that you can do other things that will help you get healthy, like eat right and exercise. Get some support if you can- quitting and staying quit is about 1000 times easier if you don't go it alone. You're welcome to PM me if you want.

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I need to take this way more serious than I realize.  Ugh it just seems like punishment.  Why can't I have 1.  Its my prize, I need a new prize that does not include alcohol or opiates.   

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I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict with six years clean and sober. 

Edited by Byron-Black
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On 2/1/2018 at 8:05 PM, Byron-Black said:

I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict with six years clean and sober. 

Byron and any other sober folks still watching this thread, my hat's off to you for doing this and making it so far.  I'm 15 days into my new sober life today.  I could not imagine I would be doing this two months ago but here I am.  And I'm happier than ever.  Being sober is very underrated. 

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Got 2 and a half weeks of sobriety under my belt. Pretty good going for me. Here's to hoping it lasts much longer this time around!

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My date is 11/30/2015.

I am for the first time since I got through my 90/90 thinking about drinking. AA pissed me off. Long story. Some are sicker than others.  For real. 

I'm coming to realize the relationship I just ended was a replacement for the insanity of my drinking. I'm going crazy without all that adrenaline.  All the fighting and roller coaster emotions.

I keep thinking of going out, and indulging in my drink of choice. I  know that means I should go to a meeting. But I  have a lot of resentment. Also, AA doesn't get MI,  which is why I had a falling out. Ffs, you can't quit benzos (rx'd), just bc program people think you're a junkie (oh I mean you can, but then there is the seizures and death part). I fell out with my sponsor bc she flipped out when my Dr put me on trazodone for insomnia.  I was like, it's an antidepressant not a narcotic you moron.

Anyway, I'm having a tough time. I'm glad you're here.

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