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20 hours ago, Goofball said:

Managed to get back on the wagon a few days ago, thankfully. Usually my relapses go on and on and on and....

 

Good for you.  I have a hard time staying on the wagon myself so I know what a victory it is once you get back on!

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  • 1 month later...

We're not likely to be permanently on the wagon (hope that's okay), but for financial reasons (health too), we're not drinking really - 3 days sober and I feel good.  This time has come.  I hope we can stick with it.  COVID has made drinking so easy.

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I said to my husband today - 7 days sober - he said I wish you wouldn't say that, we're not alcoholics.  I said, I don't think you realize how much I was drinking (he kind of was, kind of wasn't), and how I always thought about that next drink as I waited for it to be an 'acceptable' time (lunch).  So he was like, fine, for you.  

I said I don't know what to do about all of our nice wine (some we're aging in the wine fridge).  Most of it has corks so it's not like you can just screw the lid back on.  I think I'd be okay - but on the other hand, I don't want to wreck my progress.  We do have for camping one of these: 

https://www.mec.ca/en/product/5061-930/PlatyPreserve?colour=RBL03

You can purge the air for it so the wine lasts longer.  That or when friends come over or when we go places.  

Who knows, maybe I can have a glass or two of wine.  Or maybe that'll lead to regular drinking again.  Dunno.  

For now, I'm not going to drink it.

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Posted (edited)

Everyone is a bit different, and not everyone agrees on what criteria you have to meet in order to be labeled an alcoholic. Some people have issues with a few glasses of wine after dinner. With others, like me, there’s just no way you can’t plainly see it.

But rather then getting caught up in definitions and diagnostic parameters, it might be helpful to look at it from a different perspective: is your drinking, no matter how little (or how much) causing you distress, interfering with your work, your life, or the enjoyment thereof?

I’m not saying that answering yes to any or all of those questions means that you are an alcoholic, mind you; rather, I’m suggesting that your answers can be informative with respect to whether you should monitor your intake, cut it down, or even quit altogether (or, perhaps, none of these things). IDK, my brain is a little scrambled right now, so I might not be making much sense.

 

Edited by Goofball
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  • 3 weeks later...

Since I appear to be in remission now, I am starting naltrexone starting tomorrow. I hope it works as well as the last time I was in remission. It unfortunately does nothing when I’m not. Cross your fingers for me, ‘cause I really need this to work.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 5/25/2021 at 4:24 PM, Goofball said:

Since I appear to be in remission now, I am starting naltrexone starting tomorrow. I hope it works as well as the last time I was in remission. It unfortunately does nothing when I’m not. Cross your fingers for me, ‘cause I really need this to work.

I restarted naltrexone recently too and I am really hoping it makes a difference, I am in a rut that I can't seem to climb out of.  Crossing fingers for both of us!

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  • 2 weeks later...

The Naltrexone gave me horrible headaches this time ‘round, for some reason, so I had to stop that. Now I am just waiting for the perfect confluence of events to occur so that I can stop (feeling like crap, running out close to closing time, without enough wherewithal to go get more, and then feeling still feeling shitty the next morning, and/or sleeping through much of the day). That’s pretty much the only way that I can quit normally. Maybe I can run out tonight, and then take a bunch of Zyprexa and Vistaril tonight and tomorrow. IDK.  

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On 6/3/2021 at 6:48 PM, Complicated toad said:

I restarted naltrexone recently too and I am really hoping it makes a difference, I am in a rut that I can't seem to climb out of.  Crossing fingers for both of us!

I hope your experience was better than mine. It worked for me that last time I was in remission, and it might have worked this time, if only I could get past the debilitating headaches. But such was not the case. But my results are not your results. The best of luck to you!

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23 hours ago, Goofball said:

I hope your experience was better than mine. It worked for me that last time I was in remission, and it might have worked this time, if only I could get past the debilitating headaches. But such was not the case. But my results are not your results. The best of luck to you!

When I re-started it this time, it gave me really bad nausea and headaches too.  So I dropped the dose waaaay down, from 50 mg down to 11.5 (I cut each pill into quarters).  I did that for a few weeks, then went to half a pill for a few weeks.  Now I'm back to the regular dose and it does help - when I don't take it I go off the rails on a binge each time.  However, even when taking it I'm still having trouble...it's not the craving so much as the wanting to get out of my own head.  Mood and anxiety are bouncing around like a pinball machine, I need to get those under control but it's such a moving target it is hard.  Spaz out today, panic attack tomorrow, hate myself and can barely get up the next day.  I can't figure out what my problem is for long enough to tell the doc about it.   I'm sure the alcohol is making it all worse, the two things feed off of each other.

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I might consider your approach if this next tactic fails. I am going to try acamprosate. Pdoc doesn’t have a lot of faith in it, however. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. 

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  • 1 month later...

My pharmacy was always closed or insanely busy whenever I wanted to pick up the acamprosate, and I actually was able to stop drinking right around the time they were probably going to return it to stock. Anyway, I have been alcohol-free for 25 days now, and haven’t even had the urge to drink, save during the first 24 hours, and maybe a fleeting thought once or twice. Now, I just have to stay that way. 

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On 6/25/2021 at 6:50 PM, Complicated toad said:

When I re-started it this time, it gave me really bad nausea and headaches too.  So I dropped the dose waaaay down, from 50 mg down to 11.5 (I cut each pill into quarters).  I did that for a few weeks, then went to half a pill for a few weeks.  Now I'm back to the regular dose and it does help - when I don't take it I go off the rails on a binge each time.  However, even when taking it I'm still having trouble...it's not the craving so much as the wanting to get out of my own head.  Mood and anxiety are bouncing around like a pinball machine, I need to get those under control but it's such a moving target it is hard.  Spaz out today, panic attack tomorrow, hate myself and can barely get up the next day.  I can't figure out what my problem is for long enough to tell the doc about it.   I'm sure the alcohol is making it all worse, the two things feed off of each other.

I’m glad it’s helping some. MI makes it really rough to quit. I’ve found that I’ve only ever been able to quit for maybe 3 months, tops, if that, while my MI is active (which is almost always, but not now, thank goodness). I think that my MI makes my alcoholism worse, but that my alcoholism also makes my MI worse, so it’s vicious feedback loop that’s very difficult to escape. Hopefully your MI symptoms will subside, so that you are more easily able to deal with the alcohol. Maybe then, you’ll find that the naltrexone works better. Best of luck!

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1 hour ago, Goofball said:

I think that my MI makes my alcoholism worse, but that my alcoholism also makes my MI worse, so it’s vicious feedback loop that’s very difficult to escape. 

That's exactly it.  They feed off of each other.   But at times when I truly had the MI symptoms under control, the need for alcohol and drugs vanished.  I could put them down and walk away.  Not even hard to stop.  Didn't need it.  Conversely, when I'm not able to manage MI symptoms, I can't piece together hardly any sober time no matter how many rehabs or meetings or anything else I do.  Seeing a new pdoc soon and hoping they can help me pull out of the spiral.

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On 7/31/2021 at 8:06 PM, Complicated toad said:

That's exactly it.  They feed off of each other.   But at times when I truly had the MI symptoms under control, the need for alcohol and drugs vanished.  I could put them down and walk away.  Not even hard to stop.  Didn't need it.  Conversely, when I'm not able to manage MI symptoms, I can't piece together hardly any sober time no matter how many rehabs or meetings or anything else I do.  Seeing a new pdoc soon and hoping they can help me pull out of the spiral.

I’m the same. I hope the new pdoc can help you.

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  • 1 month later...

I am just under 2.5 months alcohol-free now. So far, the only times I have been tempted is while watching TV, and people are drinking on the show. I have come close to folding a few times, if only for an evening. But I know how that invariably turns out. 

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