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Guest Jibbz

Let me be honest

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Guest Jibbz

Okay... So I was taking depakote for a few weeks to a month. The whole entire time....... I SAT. I sat or layed down. I never got up or even left the house. I was also anxious. The only thing I could do is eat. That wasnt so bad, depakote makes food tastes like a 5 star chef made it. So I got reaallly really sick of doing absolutly nothing! I mean nothing! i didnt even go outside for 2 weeks. So i quit a few days ago, because I decided to go out with my freinds and actually do something with my life. I was kind of anxious at a party but performed pretty good for being anxious. I took klonopin to counteract the anxiety but it wasnt cutting it perfectly.

Well me and one of my good freinds left the party early and got some food. Hes a real cool guy, really nice and freindly. But anyway, after being anxious at a party I was kind of interested in feeling something other than anxiety. They smoke tons of marijuana and its very potent. So after 3 years of being sober (I dont even know what sober is anymore, I wasnt using the weed to forget things or gett really high). I took one hit out of a bong and shabam I was pretty high. My perceptions were out of control!! it was so amazing! Very enlightening! It obviously didnt take away my problems, but it gave me a different view on them. Its like my problems really arnt that bad.

First of all I was okay with the fact of smoking the weed because I know it helps my bipolar, so I figure hey why not. I still feel extremly EXTREMLY calm and the last time I smoked was like 10 hours ago.

It just really boggles my mind because over the years Ive tried SO SOS SOS SO many medicines. And none of them trully work at all. I swear to you. The only medicine that has worked and Ive been able to do things is Klonopin. No other drug has made me get up and do something with my life. EVER. Sometimes I feel treatment resistant but I dont know.

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Some people feel better after a prescription, and some people feel better after a hit: To each his own in my opinion. However, the latter is not encouraged here for various reasons, but mostly because 1)It's currently illegal, and 2)(I will get to two after quoting you).

First of all I was okay with the fact of smoking the weed because I know it helps my bipolar, so I figure hey why not.

How do you "know" that it helps your bipolar disorder? Is it from what you've personally experienced, or from something you've read? Basically, what source(s) do you have to make this assumption? 2)It's generally accepted that various outlawed drugs, especially hallucinogens, have the ability to exacerbate preexisting mental health problems. Your post here appears disorganized to me, and I don't know if it's just that the post was made in haste, or if your mind itself is disorganized at the moment. If your mind is disorganized like this post is, then I can assure you that you are not doing as well as you think you are.

Yes, leaving the house and going to a party is definitely progress. However, you may have backtracked in other major areas, like organization and coherence, which kind of nullifies the other progress that was made. From reading around here, it would seem that it's a lot easier for a depressed person to realize that he/she is depressed than for a manic person to realize that he/she is manic.

Obviously, I am not a doctor, and so I cannot diagnose you as manic by any means. However, you say that you have already been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder; you ditched your mood stabilizer, Dekapote, some days ago. On top of that, you smoked pot hours ago, and now, you've made a disorganized post here telling us all about the benefits that marijuana has on your bipolar disorder.

Smoking weed might help you feel better in the short term, but in the long term, it could ultimately make it harder to stabilize you later on. If you are, in fact, manic, then of course you will be feeling pretty good at the moment. However, it's not necessarily because marijuana (with Klonopin, of course) is your miracle drug.

Edited by Cuttlefish

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Actually, in California, Bipolar illness is covered by the Medical Cannabis statute. To me, I think it is more about anxiety, but I get both it and migraine checked off by my doctor (I actually use it for migraine), because I figure it can't hurt to have the extra reason, for legal purposes.

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I have to say I am pretty surprised that California has bipolar disorder on their medical cannabis list, but whatever.

So to the OP, what are your symptoms? Anxiety and lack of motivation? Do you believe that you have bipolar disorder? It seems like whenever I hear "Klonopin is the only thing that helps" -- which I have heard before -- it may be something other than bipolar which is being treated incorrectly.

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Guest jibbz

I have to say I am pretty surprised that California has bipolar disorder on their medical cannabis list, but whatever.

So to the OP, what are your symptoms? Anxiety and lack of motivation? Do you believe that you have bipolar disorder? It seems like whenever I hear "Klonopin is the only thing that helps" -- which I have heard before -- it may be something other than bipolar which is being treated incorrectly.

well if I dont take meds at all I become verry worried and anxious. Then I get overwhelmed by all my thoughts and quickly switch into a bipolar depression. I know my switches pretty good.

Ive taken all the meds. Topamax, depakote, lamictal, neurontin, lithium, and abilify, seroquel, zyprexa, haldol. Pfft, theres probably more, those are just the mood stabilizers. Ive also been on most anti depressants.

^^^^^ What im saying is Ive never done anything on any of these medications. Ive never become more normal. I may feel good alone at my house, but no where else.

I have alot of perception issues. I just view the world incorrectly in my thoughts. But i know that.

When I get manic, I get VERY VERY anxious. I wont go anywhere. Then I think my OCD tendencies go significantly up when I get manic so I start obessing about my weight, height, the way I look in the mirror. (I have an eating disorder, but I am getting over it pretty well)

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Sounds like you seriously need therapy. Are you in therapy or have you been? Things like the worrying, perception issues, appearance obsession, and feeling okay at home but nowhere else, are all things likely to respond to therapy.

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Sorry If someone already asked this...my mind is spinning like crazy today and it's hard to concentrate on reading...

Anyway,

Have you talked to your Pdoc about the weed? I don't have a problem with it and it is used for many illnesses but I believe you should have the r/x for it, i.e. your doctor thinks it's really something that can help. I also ask because I don't believe in self medicating (drugs, even soft drugs, alcohol, sex, non-perscribed r/x's, etc). The Pdoc's are there for a reason. One of those reasons is to keep you safe (I have a history of self medicating with alcohol...when i'm taking drugs where i'm not supposed to drink at all.). Another reason is that more often than not, they know best. They've studied this shit for years.

It's horrible having to go through the med cycle. Trying drug after drug hoping that one day you'll find something that "works well enough". I'm going through the process again right now. Yesterday I wanted to drink until it all went away but I willed myself not to even though it meant not leaving the house. I hope you have at least a little faith that you can find a medication/medications that work. Also, there are some meds I took ten years ago that failed me and took them years later and they worked. So that might be something to think about.

You need to get to the root of your problem(s) and the best way to do this is with the help of Pdocs and Tdocs.

All the best.

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Sorrel, I agree, I was shocked when I saw Bipolar on the list. But I figure it is better from a legal standpoint to have as many reasons checked off as possible. And, I think they may be confusing GAD with Bipolar related anxiety.

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I've never tried any illegal narcotic in my life. Why? Because at the tender age of 11, my father sat me down and told me that if I ever wanted to try pot, hashish, coke, speed, etc, to tell him, and he would get a clean supply for me.

Now, I had been immersed in my parents drug abusing world since I could remember. I was the only child who went to my catholic elementary school with clothes that reeked of weed. But to have your parent tell you something like that is a life changing memory.

Now, on to your little weed party. Because you took one hit off one bong in three years, you have now decided (because you have a medical degree) that pot is the one and only thing that will cure the bipolar issues. But are you sure? How can you know that you aren't just masking the anxiety while zoned out on the couch? Pot makes people lay around and eat just as much as BP meds, which were your two chief complaints, so I don't exactly see how you would like pot better.

But I do get it. BP meds make you feel blah, blah. Like Mr. Anderson the cubical worker in The Matrix - when pot makes you feel like Neo flying at the speed of light. But you aren't entitled to feel super-happy-fun because you have BP. You get to feel the same as everyone else - which is the blah cubical worker.

So no ringing endorsement of pot from this neck of the woods.

Oh, and BTW, my best pdoc, the one who dx'd me, told me there are two things a BP should never ingest: alcohol and pot.

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So: you're complaining that Depakote made you lay around all the time and do nothing and eat a lot.

And you're thinking the solution to your problems is weed?

[snorf]

OK. Now that I'm through with my fits of giggles.

One thing your posts are notable for is some "all or nothing" thinking. (example: You want the clonazepam to work "perfectly.")

Might want to discuss that with your psychiatrist. No drug is 100% all of the time. No, not even cannabis.

Another thing I'd recommend is that you and s/he come up with some objective methods of assessing your actual function, not just "wow, I'm, like, totally better." That's super that you feel like that. Sometimes I don't have great insight. It's kind of characteristic of the disorder. Also, if you're high, some people might consider your assessment skills impaired. I'm sorry if that offends you, but it's reality, and, if you want to be taken seriously, then having something objective you can track might help a lot.

So things like "getting out of the house 4 days per week" or "working 12 hours per week" or "doing the dishes 3 days" or whatever (those aren't suggestions, those are just random made-up functional goals) might be helpful.

credibility.

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Guest jibbz

I've never tried any illegal narcotic in my life. Why? Because at the tender age of 11, my father sat me down and told me that if I ever wanted to try pot, hashish, coke, speed, etc, to tell him, and he would get a clean supply for me.

Now, I had been immersed in my parents drug abusing world since I could remember. I was the only child who went to my catholic elementary school with clothes that reeked of weed. But to have your parent tell you something like that is a life changing memory.

Now, on to your little weed party. Because you took one hit off one bong in three years, you have now decided (because you have a medical degree) that pot is the one and only thing that will cure the bipolar issues. But are you sure? How can you know that you aren't just masking the anxiety while zoned out on the couch? Pot makes people lay around and eat just as much as BP meds, which were your two chief complaints, so I don't exactly see how you would like pot better.

But I do get it. BP meds make you feel blah, blah. Like Mr. Anderson the cubical worker in The Matrix - when pot makes you feel like Neo flying at the speed of light. But you aren't entitled to feel super-happy-fun because you have BP. You get to feel the same as everyone else - which is the blah cubical worker.

So no ringing endorsement of pot from this neck of the woods.

Oh, and BTW, my best pdoc, the one who dx'd me, told me there are two things a BP should never ingest: alcohol and pot.

why are people so disrespectful on this forum? ive never seen sarcastic/insulting stuff on a mental illness forum... thats sad

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Guest jibbz

So: you're complaining that Depakote made you lay around all the time and do nothing and eat a lot.

And you're thinking the solution to your problems is weed?

[snorf]

OK. Now that I'm through with my fits of giggles.

One thing your posts are notable for is some "all or nothing" thinking. (example: You want the clonazepam to work "perfectly.")

Might want to discuss that with your psychiatrist. No drug is 100% all of the time. No, not even cannabis.

Another thing I'd recommend is that you and s/he come up with some objective methods of assessing your actual function, not just "wow, I'm, like, totally better." That's super that you feel like that. Sometimes I don't have great insight. It's kind of characteristic of the disorder. Also, if you're high, some people might consider your assessment skills impaired. I'm sorry if that offends you, but it's reality, and, if you want to be taken seriously, then having something objective you can track might help a lot.

So things like "getting out of the house 4 days per week" or "working 12 hours per week" or "doing the dishes 3 days" or whatever (those aren't suggestions, those are just random made-up functional goals) might be helpful.

credibility.

atleast on weed i feel good and can think of my problems in a way of fixing them. IDK, I just wrote this thread out of venting, not saying weed is some cure. I just wanted to bring up a good point, I smoke weed then I feel good, rather than all the bipolar meds make me feel worse. But IDK if ill continue to smoke weed. It migght make me anxious, I havnt tried it long term yet.

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Guest jibbz

Sounds like you seriously need therapy. Are you in therapy or have you been? Things like the worrying, perception issues, appearance obsession, and feeling okay at home but nowhere else, are all things likely to respond to therapy.

lol, thanks. Yea, im in eating disorder therapy as well as my psychiatrist is pretty good at psychotherapy too. But yea, Id like to knip all my problems in the butt right now.

I was in therapy for a year, and I dont think it did anything at all. It wasnt really specific though. I might want to do some stuff for social anxiety or like you said the perception issues. I actually have HPPD, hallucinagin persisting perception disorder. so most of my perceptions are super messed, and plus the eating disorder plays in on that too a lot.

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Im going to chime in with the anti-cannabis brigade with my cautionary tale and everyboady's goanna be "oh here goes blackbird... oh no not again..."

I smoked pot for severe depression. And it worked. I worked so great I got addicted (yes you can get addicted tomarijuana - at the very least psychologically)smoking 20 joints a day for 4 years. My depression went away but I became very psychotic - thinking people could read my mind, thinking I had special powers to influence people's thoughts and actions, thinking people were plotting against me to drive me mad/poison me, hearing a voice giving a running commnetary on my actions, hallucinating all kinds of wild things.

I ended up in a Dublin psychiatric hospital in the middle of my grad degree with drug induced psychosis. I stopped smoking pot, the psychosis never went away. Today my life is a living hell. I effectively gave myself schizophrenia (later adapted into schizoaffective when I went manic).

If I can save one person from going through what I went through - my cautionary tale of self-medicating - then it will have been worth it. Mental Illness and cannabis do not mix.

wishing you a way out of your misery that doesnt involve cannabis

blackbird x

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OK, by using illegal drugs you actually gave yourself a psych dx (HPPD).... and you want to treat this by using illegal drugs?

Oh, come on. Seriously?

Well, um, good luck with that. I'd suggest you get a cannabis prescription, at least then it won't be cut with god only knows what.

Anna

Christ (disgusted).

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I don't really care if you smoke pot or not, though I doubt you'll find it helpful in the long term. I did want to say, though, that the symptoms you describe really sound more like an anxiety disorder than bipolar.

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I've never tried any illegal narcotic in my life. Why? Because at the tender age of 11, my father sat me down and told me that if I ever wanted to try pot, hashish, coke, speed, etc, to tell him, and he would get a clean supply for me.

Now, I had been immersed in my parents drug abusing world since I could remember. I was the only child who went to my catholic elementary school with clothes that reeked of weed. But to have your parent tell you something like that is a life changing memory.

Now, on to your little weed party. Because you took one hit off one bong in three years, you have now decided (because you have a medical degree) that pot is the one and only thing that will cure the bipolar issues. But are you sure? How can you know that you aren't just masking the anxiety while zoned out on the couch? Pot makes people lay around and eat just as much as BP meds, which were your two chief complaints, so I don't exactly see how you would like pot better.

But I do get it. BP meds make you feel blah, blah. Like Mr. Anderson the cubical worker in The Matrix - when pot makes you feel like Neo flying at the speed of light. But you aren't entitled to feel super-happy-fun because you have BP. You get to feel the same as everyone else - which is the blah cubical worker.

So no ringing endorsement of pot from this neck of the woods.

Oh, and BTW, my best pdoc, the one who dx'd me, told me there are two things a BP should never ingest: alcohol and pot.

why are people so disrespectful on this forum? ive never seen sarcastic/insulting stuff on a mental illness forum... thats sad

We have a few members that can come across a bit crass sometimes but gizmo is not one of them. I don't think anything she said was disrespectful. This is a board run by MI people for MI people. Sometimes MI people say what they want with no sugar coating on it. In fact that's one of the main objectives of this message board. To support someone even when you're saying what they don't want to hear. You probably think my post is being disrespectful. People here really are supportive. You just might not always like the support you're getting.

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OK, so, Jibbz, there's this thing: it's not about just Feeling Real Good. It's about getting better and staying better. (And you're not going to Feel Good All The Time, but I'm pretty sure you know that.)

See- it's not an issue of just thinking of your problems in a way of fixing them. The next part is getting up and doing something. This might be where the therapy helps you problem-solve.

Anyway, good luck.

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OK, by using illegal drugs you actually gave yourself a psych dx (HPPD).... and you want to treat this by using illegal drugs?

Oh, come on. Seriously?

Well, um, good luck with that. I'd suggest you get a cannabis prescription, at least then it won't be cut with god only knows what.

Anna

Christ (disgusted).

what is with this stigma? i geuss ill find out on my own. I did acid, LSD, thats ALOT different than smoking a few puffs of weed a day or every other day. And cannabis will be legal in all states eventually for medicinal use. But maybe not for bipolar.

Edited by jibbzz

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OK, by using illegal drugs you actually gave yourself a psych dx (HPPD).... and you want to treat this by using illegal drugs?

Oh, come on. Seriously?

Well, um, good luck with that. I'd suggest you get a cannabis prescription, at least then it won't be cut with god only knows what.

Anna

Christ (disgusted).

what is with this stigma? i geuss ill find out on my own. I did acid, LSD, thats ALOT different than smoking a few puffs of weed a day or every other day. And cannabis will be legal in all states eventually for medicinal use. But maybe not for bipolar.

We don't advocate the use of illegal drugs in this place. If you came here expecting us to support you for getting stoned almost every day, you were mistaken. Read our user agreement/rules. Most of us here consider using grass when you have mental illness issues kinda dumb.

Some of our members have had psychotic episodes while using marijuana. Some of them have used it to self-medicate, and thus avoid seeing a pdoc and tdoc, and getting the kind of treatment that will really help them get better.

Do I think grass is horrible? No. I have smoked it and had a lot of fun. It's great to be stoned. But it doesn't combine well with depression, manic episodes, anxiety, and other types of mental illness. So if you want to use it, go ahead and use it. Just don't expect us to support your use of an illegal drug.

(And I don't know where you live, but in my state you can lose everything you own---house, car, bank accounts---if you are caught with anything over half an ounce. It just isn't worth it.)

olga

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