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list of things that are currently making me feel like crap


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things that are making my life hell, causing anxiety, making me more depressed than usual

1. my house needs straightening up

2. my ex hasn't paid child support since november

3. my dad has pancreatic cancer

4. my dad is living with my brother who is now legally in charge of EVERYTHING (he's my half bro and is 10 yrs younger than me)

5. my brother is a controlling freak

6. i have to see my bro regularly and he keeps making passive agressive jabs at me

7. my dad used to help me out financially but now i don't feel right asking him for money and if i do my brother will know about it

8. my brother is resentful that i don't work

9. i can't get a job because there are none out there with the hours i would be able to work (paying for childcare would suck up the pay)

10. my dad needs a second med on top of chemo that costs $2000 a month and insurance doesn't pay for it

11. my dad and bro both have $2000 but no one has bought him a months supply yet - bro is trying to get financial aid

12. my kids are driving me crazy

13 i feel like a crappy mother because i don't like to play with them (and i yell a lot)

14. my dogs need to go to the park everyday but i'm not motivated enough to take them so my "special" dog (that's what i call her) is now humping my kids all the time

15. i have trouble finding people i can connect with so i never go anywhere anymore

16. i feel like everyone is judging me all the damn time

17. i need to be selling my art but i'm too insecure to get out there and say "hey, look how great i am! you should put my stuff in your store/gallery!"

18 i'm so fucking broke

19. my eyes are puffy and i HATE THAT

20. i feel constant anxiety which causes bouts of insomnia

that's the short list

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That sounds like a lot of suckage. I'm sorry about your dad.

Can you sort the list by what you have some power over and that which you don't? No point spinning wheels over what you have absolutely no control, ya know? Splitting stuff off sometimes makes acting on the easier stuff, well, easier since it's not stuck in there with everthing that all together is OVERWHELMING. It's a thought, not original, but sometimes one I loose sight of.

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i think my biggest issue is my anxiety about my brother right now. i know there is nothing i can do about it.... i think it's the lack of control over the issue that is really what gets me. on the one hand he's jealous of me and on the other he thinks i'm lazy and ask for handouts. none of which he actually comes out and SAYS. he winds up saying stupid shit like "must be nice to get to go to the movies" (my kids were with their dad and he has a one yr old). i felt like saying "get a divorce mutherfucker. then you'll have all the time in the world". he thinks because he has a baby his life is soooooo busy and because i don't work and my kids go to school that i have it MADE.

i'm even starting to get paranoid about him snooping on me. he knows my bank account number and my SS#..... he's EXTREMELY computer savy. he's on meds for ADD and anger issues and i'm starting to wonder if they are making him act weird.

as far as my dad... i've kind of come to terms with it. i hate seeing him waste away but i'm having more issues with my brother getting in the way.

thanks for the advice. i thinkt he only thing i have control over is the mess in the house. i will probably try to conquer that tomorrow.

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Personally, I don't love dog parks. Could you walk them? It would get you some exercise, too.

And what if you asked a small cafe or coffee shop to hang a few of your pieces of art, as a starting point. I know several of my friends have gotten a start this way.

And how about, "It must be nice saving 2k a month instead of treating our dad's illness. Way to set your priorities."

Change your bank account number. And make sure that you are the only one authorized to access it. Lock away your checkbook. If he even tries to read your statements, let alone succeeds at hacking into it, he has broken federal law.

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Personally, I don't love dog parks. Could you walk them? It would get you some exercise, too.

And what if you asked a small cafe or coffee shop to hang a few of your pieces of art, as a starting point. I know several of my friends have gotten a start this way.

And how about, "It must be nice saving 2k a month instead of treating our dad's illness. Way to set your priorities."

Change your bank account number. And make sure that you are the only one authorized to access it. Lock away your checkbook. If he even tries to read your statements, let alone succeeds at hacking into it, he has broken federal law.

i'm okay with the dog park it's just that i'm NOT okay with what the dogs do to my car. one is a pointer and the other is a boxer/st. bernard (at least that's what he looks like). i can't really walk them together because the pointer is the "special" one and will rip my arm out of the socket if a squirell passes by. if i take them one at a time the one who isn't going gets pissed LOL! i will figure that one out though. my SO used to take them to the park every morning but he's got a new job and works 10 hr days so he hasn't been doing it.

i'm going to change banks completely. the reason he's got my acct# is because my dad used to deposit money into my acct on occasion. i don't think he would try to hack into anything because he knows better so changing banks is my plan.

so... i'll add dogs and bank to my list of "can do" stuff. that knocks out a few things.

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